I enjoyed the post also. I liked the picture a lot too. Y our kids are cute! Instead of a headshot, I think it would be great to have a family photo (if they are all okay with it) instead. You spend a lot of time–once a week at least–writing about and experiencing Family Day, so it makes sense to me to illustrate this. You wouldn’t have to put the photo on your main page, but I think it’d be nice to see it on a family post or in the “about me” type section.

Living the Golden Rule isn’t easy, and you’ve hit upon exactly why: it’s hard to know how people would like to be treated. In practice, I usually just try to treat them with respect and consideration, and when appropriate, friendliness and love. But the harder part comes when you try to actually find out how people would like to be treated — because for that, you have to talk to them, ask them, get to understand them better.

As Jesus expressed it (and it’s not simply a Christian thing, but inherent in all religions), you should *love* others as you love yourself. Well, as Nneka pointed out on her site today, you first have to love yourself. But once you do that, you can express that love to others in a thousand little ways. Often, as I said, that means trying to find out how they would like to be treated and then treating them that way.

Again, it’s not an easy task. There’s no simple formula. But I find it the best guide for my actions, even if I am far from perfect.

I find that a bit confusing. So what version of the Golden Rule does that become?

“Treat others as they want to be treated.”

….But how do you know what they want?

I think the best version of it you can actually put into practice is to reverse it and apply a negative to the original:

“Do NOT do unto others what you would NOT have done to yourself”.

That way you’re pretty safe! :)

Instead, you should consider how they want to be treated. We all want to be treated with consideration, to have others consider our feelings and wants and needs … so do that to everyone else first. So, in your example of the hard drinker who wants a fight, instead treating others literally how you want to be treated, you consider what they want … and if what they want is to be left alone to drink in peace, well that’s what you do.

I thank you for allowing me to clarify that point, and for the excellent comment!

@Nneka: thank you for doing the interview. It was a pleasure and an honor.

In Spirit,
Nneka

Hi Leo,

I think the Golden Rule idea is a good thing, however it wasn’t until I read a book by Steve Hagan of the Dharam Field Zen Centre that I found a critical philosophical flaw with it. It looks like it’s perfect until you consider the one major problem with it – what if you’re a hard drinking guy who like nothing more than a good old fashioned bar fight at the end of the evening of intoxication? If that’s how you’d like to be treated (i.e. have somebody start a fight with you) then the Gold Rule doesn’t work! :) Obvioulsy other people wouldn’t want to be treated like that.

It might seem like a bit of pedantic position, but it’s a good way to point out that ultimately, there’s no one static ‘rule’ that can fit the ever changing, fluid and dynamic nature of reality.

So what’s the answer? There isn’t one. There’s simply this. Right here, right now.

So good to read about you and to see a photo of you and your beautiful family.

Wishing each one of you all the very, very best.
Isobel

I enjoyed that interview, as always, you shared yourself in a way that was helpful to others.

Also, you have a beautiful family.

Best,

Kamal

As for a photo on my front page … hmmm. I haven’t done that simply because it seems a bit ego-istic (I feel like people don’t come to the site to see me, but to read useful information), but if you think that would help, I’ll give it some thought. What do other people think of this idea?