Comments on: A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!) http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/ Simple Productivity Sun, 07 Mar 2010 05:06:07 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Personal Visions » Blog Archive » Working with the Tarot http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-71382 Personal Visions » Blog Archive » Working with the Tarot Fri, 22 May 2009 16:06:36 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-71382 [...] how it will play out.  But now as adults (young or old) we have settled into certain patterns of judgment, which some call taste, which put us on autopilot for much of the day and make us involuntarily [...] [...] how it will play out.  But now as adults (young or old) we have settled into certain patterns of judgment, which some call taste, which put us on autopilot for much of the day and make us involuntarily [...]

]]> By: Episode Two - First Deceptions | Brilliant in Theory http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-65291 Episode Two - First Deceptions | Brilliant in Theory Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:16:38 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-65291 [...] Google Search for “First Impressions” (in quotes). First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You by Ann Demarais PhD. Do You Make Your First Impression Your Best Impression? Avoid Judgment for an Easy Life - Jerry Lopper A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!) [...] [...] Google Search for “First Impressions” (in quotes). First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You by Ann Demarais PhD. Do You Make Your First Impression Your Best Impression? Avoid Judgment for an Easy Life – Jerry Lopper A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!) [...]

]]> By: Resources for Episode Two | Brilliant in Theory http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-60307 Resources for Episode Two | Brilliant in Theory Fri, 13 Feb 2009 10:47:59 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-60307 [...] Google Search for “First Impressions” (in quotes). First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You by Ann Demarais PhD. Do You Make Your First Impression Your Best Impression? Avoid Judgment for an Easy Life - Jerry Lopper A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!) [...] [...] Google Search for “First Impressions” (in quotes). First Impressions: What You Don’t Know About How Others See You by Ann Demarais PhD. Do You Make Your First Impression Your Best Impression? Avoid Judgment for an Easy Life – Jerry Lopper A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!) [...]

]]> By: paul http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-34415 paul Sun, 27 Apr 2008 01:44:03 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-34415 I think in some ways we all need to judge others, i mean to find out what may not be okay for oneself. But to malicously judge someone based soley on an action or perception we may not agree with is not spiritual. We all have the right to be right or wrong and the right to be heard . Relationships are meant to be enriched not destroyed based on one persons disdain for another way of life or opinion. Pursuing life not grafting new ideas and learning from everyone is not living at all. My purpose in life is to learn not to judge and inventory others due to my lack of acceptance of any given situation. To treat all things, people and situations as learning experiences instead of threats to my way of life. I think in some ways we all need to judge others, i mean to find out what may not be okay for oneself. But to malicously judge someone based soley on an action or perception we may not agree with is not spiritual. We all have the right to be right or wrong and the right to be heard .

Relationships are meant to be enriched not destroyed based on one persons disdain for another way of life or opinion. Pursuing life not grafting new ideas and learning from everyone is not living at all.

My purpose in life is to learn not to judge and inventory others due to my lack of acceptance of any given situation.
To treat all things, people and situations as learning experiences instead of threats to my way of life.

]]> By: Leo http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-17755 Leo Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:53:52 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-17755 Hi Andy ... great question. I'm not sure I'm the best qualified to answer, but I'm going to give it a shot ... please remember that I'm just a regular guy, not an expert. You're absolutely right about the fear of hurt and rejection being at the root of why we don't communicate in an open and honest way to others, or open ourselves up to new friends. But how to deal with that? For myself, it's been a matter of gaining confidence, a little at a time ... confidence not only in myself, but in my ability to deal with others, and in my ability to open up to them without getting hurt. How do you gain that confidence? By trying things out, by practicing, a little at a time. Take very small baby steps. Try smiling at someone and saying hi. Try starting a conversation with someone you know but don't talk to much. Try catching your judgmental thoughts and trying to understand the arrogant or semi-popular person instead. Little steps, no more than you can handle, and you'll slowly gain confidence. Don't expect to change overnight, but celebrate any little success. Good luck! Hi Andy … great question. I’m not sure I’m the best qualified to answer, but I’m going to give it a shot … please remember that I’m just a regular guy, not an expert.

You’re absolutely right about the fear of hurt and rejection being at the root of why we don’t communicate in an open and honest way to others, or open ourselves up to new friends.

But how to deal with that? For myself, it’s been a matter of gaining confidence, a little at a time … confidence not only in myself, but in my ability to deal with others, and in my ability to open up to them without getting hurt.

How do you gain that confidence? By trying things out, by practicing, a little at a time. Take very small baby steps. Try smiling at someone and saying hi. Try starting a conversation with someone you know but don’t talk to much. Try catching your judgmental thoughts and trying to understand the arrogant or semi-popular person instead. Little steps, no more than you can handle, and you’ll slowly gain confidence. Don’t expect to change overnight, but celebrate any little success.

Good luck!

]]> By: Andy http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-17754 Andy Thu, 08 Nov 2007 22:42:06 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-17754 Question... I really like your acceptance approach but I need some help. I have always avoided arrogant or semi popular people. My friend told me I am righteous and in a way maybe I am and I don't know it. I am just afraid of getting hurt so for all of my life I just keep to people who are sure bets. I think it prevents me from making friends with people of walks of life. I want to widen my circle. Question…

I really like your acceptance approach but I need some help. I have always avoided arrogant or semi popular people. My friend told me I am righteous and in a way maybe I am and I don’t know it. I am just afraid of getting hurt so for all of my life I just keep to people who are sure bets. I think it prevents me from making friends with people of walks of life. I want to widen my circle.

]]> By: Replacing The Need to Be Right with The Desire to Share « Dancers of Her Divinity http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16292 Replacing The Need to Be Right with The Desire to Share « Dancers of Her Divinity Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:04:44 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16292 [...] This post about judgmentalism at zen habits made me think hard. There’s nothing wrong with judgment per se; we have to utilize judgment every day in order to survive. The problems come about because human beings are horrible at detaching our judgment of specific ideas and actions from the person behind them. We may start out believing that we’re “loving the sinner and hating the sin”; bust the majority of the time, we end up judging the person - and enjoying the feeling of moral superiority we reap from it. [...] [...] This post about judgmentalism at zen habits made me think hard. There’s nothing wrong with judgment per se; we have to utilize judgment every day in order to survive. The problems come about because human beings are horrible at detaching our judgment of specific ideas and actions from the person behind them. We may start out believing that we’re “loving the sinner and hating the sin”; bust the majority of the time, we end up judging the person – and enjoying the feeling of moral superiority we reap from it. [...]

]]> By: Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16144 Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:07:15 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16144 This is very similar to what Dale Carnegie meant in "How to Win Friends and Influence People" when he said that nobody ever kicks a "dead dog" because unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Why else would they bother to say anything? (http://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/?tag=varsblah-20) This is very similar to what Dale Carnegie meant in “How to Win Friends and Influence People” when he said that nobody ever kicks a “dead dog” because unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Why else would they bother to say anything?

(http://www.amazon.com/dp/0671027034/?tag=varsblah-20)

]]> By: Char http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16125 Char Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:31:16 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16125 I used to not be judgmental. I wanted to like and trust everyone. Now I know better. I got hurt, a lot, all for being too trusting and accepting. In no offense, I find this post a bit naive. You can't love everyone. The best thing most people can hope for is to try not to stereotype. But I think broad generalization is a good thing. It helps protect you. If you open yourself up too much and become too trusting, you're just bound to get yourself into compromising positions or even into danger. Also, I always strive to improve myself and can't comprehend anyone not wanting to do so. It baffles my mind that other people wouldn't want to be and do better than they already are. No one is perfect, but everyone could be better. I don't want to change people, but I'm not going to accept them for the way they are. If anything, I hope my critic of the person will make them stop and think- "why does she think this way about me- maybe I can be better?" I used to not be judgmental. I wanted to like and trust everyone. Now I know better. I got hurt, a lot, all for being too trusting and accepting. In no offense, I find this post a bit naive. You can’t love everyone. The best thing most people can hope for is to try not to stereotype. But I think broad generalization is a good thing. It helps protect you. If you open yourself up too much and become too trusting, you’re just bound to get yourself into compromising positions or even into danger.

Also, I always strive to improve myself and can’t comprehend anyone not wanting to do so. It baffles my mind that other people wouldn’t want to be and do better than they already are. No one is perfect, but everyone could be better. I don’t want to change people, but I’m not going to accept them for the way they are. If anything, I hope my critic of the person will make them stop and think- “why does she think this way about me- maybe I can be better?”

]]> By: Em http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16115 Em Mon, 22 Oct 2007 05:03:03 +0000 http://zenhabits.net/2007/10/a-simple-method-to-avoid-being-judgmental-yes-that-means-you/#comment-16115 As humans we cannot help but be judgmental, it is part of our safety system, but we can put an end to obsessing about the behavior of others. I live in a developing country where things are often not as I would wish (for example: police cars going down a one-way street in the wrong direction). What I have found especially helpful is the advice I overheard my SIL telling her son when he was pointing out that my daughter was eating with her fingers-- while he was talking with a mouth full of salmon: Don't worry about other peoples' behavior; worry about your own. Accept that as humans we are flawed. Very flawed. And that most likely the answer to "why did you do that," is only: "It seemed like a good idea at the time." It is better to accept this and enjoy the show!! As humans we cannot help but be judgmental, it is part of our safety system, but we can put an end to obsessing about the behavior of others. I live in a developing country where things are often not as I would wish (for example: police cars going down a one-way street in the wrong direction). What I have found especially helpful is the advice I overheard my SIL telling her son when he was pointing out that my daughter was eating with her fingers– while he was talking with a mouth full of salmon: Don’t worry about other peoples’ behavior; worry about your own.

Accept that as humans we are flawed. Very flawed. And that most likely the answer to “why did you do that,” is only: “It seemed like a good idea at the time.” It is better to accept this and enjoy the show!!

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