Photo by Spiralz

How to ‘Let It Be’ When You’re Upset

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Agent Sully of Life Learning Today.

Something has you upset. You can’t get it off your mind. You’re troubled and you struggle with this ball of bad feelings. What’s the advice we frequently hear from others and even from ourselves? “Just let it go.” Well, that’s easier said than done.

“Just let it go” implies a sort of active forgetting. You’ve probably tried the experiment, “Don’t think of a pink elephant.” Once you have that in your mind, you simply can’t forget it. The same is true with grief, anger, or other strong distressing emotions.

Let It Be
Another approach to consider is to “Let It Be.” What does this mean? I’m sure this can mean different things to different people, but what it means to me is to stay present with your uncomfortable feelings instead of running or hiding from them. Try to really feel those difficult emotions. Observe them. Don’t fear them or seek to run from them. Instead endeavor to live with them and learn from them, knowing that the time you spend doing this will help to heal you. When you do this with serenity, as much as you can muster, you will discover your strength and over time you will notice the bad feelings start to soften and melt.

Take Your Time
Depending on the circumstances, this can take quite a bit of time or it can work in an afternoon. The main thing to remember is not to rush it. Have faith and know that things will get better. Be patient with yourself and with the process.

Guide to Being Present
As you work to be present with your challenging emotions, here are some questions and affirmations to guide you:

What am I really feeling right now? What is the essence of this feeling?
As an observer, this is interesting.
How would an outsider describe this?
Why do I want to run away from this?
Why does this feel bad?
What can I do to change my perspective of this?
What can I learn from these feelings?
I can handle this.
I can be at peace with this emotion passing through me.
I’m not running from this and I’m also not attached to it.
There is something to be learned from this.
There is purpose in this. What is that purpose?
I know the purpose will eventually be revealed.
I am being strengthened by this.
I am strong.
It’s OK to feel this way. I don’t need to run away.
This will morph into goodness in the long run.

Examples of When “Let It Be” Might Be Helpful

Quitting smoking or other addictive substance
Feeling anger after a conflict or fight
Feeling grief after losing a loved one
Disappointment
Jealousy
Sadness

Living Life
“Let It Be” means being present with your difficult feelings, but it also means living life. A big part of healing is to live life, to be active, and engaged. If you are in the throes of grief, obviously you should take things slowly. Listen to what your body and soul tell you to do. But, do try, in small ways at first, to be active. This is not to drown out your feelings, but rather to give you the physical strength and the mental perspective that will help you be present with your feelings and heal. It’s a balance. Take the time to analyze and also take the time to live life. Wishing you peace.

How do you deal with difficult emotions? Please share in the comments!

To read more from Agent Sully, visit her blog Life Learning Today.

How to ‘Let It Be’ When You’re Upset

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Agent Sully of Life Learning Today.

Guide to Being Present
As you work to be present with your challenging emotions, here are some questions and affirmations to guide you:

What am I really feeling right now? What is the essence of this feeling?
As an observer, this is interesting.
How would an outsider describe this?
Why do I want to run away from this?
Why does this feel bad?
What can I do to change my perspective of this?
What can I learn from these feelings?
I can handle this.
I can be at peace with this emotion passing through me.
I’m not running from this and I’m also not attached to it.
There is something to be learned from this.
There is purpose in this. What is that purpose?
I know the purpose will eventually be revealed.
I am being strengthened by this.
I am strong.
It’s OK to feel this way. I don’t need to run away.
This will morph into goodness in the long run.

Examples of When “Let It Be” Might Be Helpful

Quitting smoking or other addictive substance
Feeling anger after a conflict or fight
Feeling grief after losing a loved one
Disappointment
Jealousy
Sadness

How do you deal with difficult emotions? Please share in the comments!

To read more from Agent Sully, visit her blog Life Learning Today.

Posted on 30 October 2007 in Happiness |
Digg |
Del.icio.us |
Stumble |
Print

Comments (17)

Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive. Says:

October 30th, 2007, 5:11 am

I found the questions to ask under affirmations to guide you to be helpful. They are really nice reminders and pointers to being in the present. My favorite one from the list is: “It’s OK to feel this way. I don’t need to run away.”

I’d like to add two questions to the list. I learned these from Dan Millman:

1) Am I breathing?
2) Am I relaxed?

I talk about this is an article called 3 Tips to Calm Anxiety
Leo, I’m curious, what do you say to yourself when you are Upset? :)

Love & Gratitude,
Tina
Think Simple. Be Decisive.
Productivity, Motivation & Happiness

julie Says:

October 30th, 2007, 10:29 am

I feel that this is a really great article that will reach out to others and really help them. In society we are always in a rush and this helps you realize that its ok to stop, think and feel your emotions instead of just trying to resolve the issues and move on. I am going to pass this on, Thank You

Tony Says:

October 30th, 2007, 11:14 am

This is so awsome, the reason i say that is because people sometimes people don`t realize the power with emotions, can hurt themselves or others. I experienced a bad car accident and had to strart all over again and my emotions were just out of control like really crazy.so this would be a great way to adjust.

Sheila Says:

October 30th, 2007, 11:17 am

I had to end an intimate relationship a couple of months ago and the grief was nearly blinding. I understand the impulse to numb oneself in the face of that kind of pain. But I allowed my feelings to be and to run their course and I learned some profound lessons about true strength and the grace of forgiveness. I am very grateful for that time in my life.

Mary Joseph Says:

October 30th, 2007, 11:24 am

Thanks, I read your blog everyday and all the articles are very helpful to me.

I’m Chilean so my english is like “I’m Tarzan you Jane”, but I hope you can understand me.

Thanks again.
Regards Mary J.

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

October 30th, 2007, 13:09 pm

Great post! It’s so important to realize that difficult emotions are there for a reason. Anthony Robbins talks about them being “signals calling us to action; telling us that we either need to change our perceptions (interpretation of an experience / meaning we attach to an experience) or our procedure (our behavior / our communication).

One of my favorite books on cultivating emotional awareness is Heart of the Soul by Gary Zukav and Linda Francis. It really offers quite a unique insight into why emotions like anger and anxiety actually occur and what it is we can do to keep them under control.

(http://www.amazon.com/dp/0743234960/?tag=varsblah-20)

SpiKe Says:

October 30th, 2007, 13:48 pm

One thing i read is to try and not think about it. This isn’t the same way as running away or hiding from it. The more you think about something the more it gets established in your brain. If you find yourself thinking about what upsets you, check yourself for it and try and distract yourself. It’s like a road. If it becomes well traveled, the road expands and becomes even busier. If the road has less traffic it eventually becomes neglected.

SpiKe
Organize IT

Alex McFerron Says:

October 30th, 2007, 16:07 pm

I love this post so much.

Tammy Says:

October 30th, 2007, 16:29 pm

My mantra is “I set them free.” When I’m mad at someone, I set them free in my mind. It doesn’t mean I’m not mad anymore. It doesn’t mean things are fixed. But it gives me distance, and helps me focus on what I can do without expecting the other person to situation to change. And when I set it free, if it doesn’t change, it doesn’t matter, I’ve set it free from the chains of my expectations.

Setting someone free also doesn’t require that I “just deal” or “forget it” or be different in any way. Yet, it makes it easier to process everything, and perhaps ironically, I feel more love and appreciation for the person I was mad or frustrated at.

I set the world free. Oh, what a weight off my shoulders to not have to be responsible for everyone’s behavior and emotions. And to not have to be responsible for the outcome of every event. When I set people free, I give them back their power, and I keep mine.

Kate Saltfleet Says:

October 30th, 2007, 18:41 pm

This is a great post. It’s easy to misunderstand the power of doing nothing, and letting things blow over. This is not the same as being in denial, or not owning your feelings. It is about not taking action and making things worse when you are in an unstable place. Ride the wave. Tomorrow is another day.

Zenith Says:

October 30th, 2007, 23:52 pm

Tammy above makes a great point. Since its a comment, it is very brief, but if you-Leo-give Tammy a chance to explain what she meant in detail, it might be very enlightening and would be a great addition to your already splendid post.

Fred Says:

October 31st, 2007, 5:04 am

This article hit right home, thank you

Anna Says:

October 31st, 2007, 6:57 am

A really great post, thank you! I also really liked some of the comments, particularly Tammy’s “set the world free” philosophy, and Kate’s “ride the wave”.

sam Says:

November 4th, 2007, 6:27 am

Some times when emotions are overwhelming its just helpful to let it go. Actively reasoning and self talk can really help you heal quicker. I liked your post very much.

Barbara James Says:

November 8th, 2007, 17:31 pm

I put your ‘Guide to Being Present’ up on my cork board, where I can see it from my desk. Even small upsets can take away the day before I know it.
My favorite: “I’m not running from this and I’m also not attached to it.” This feels very strong to me.

charlie xiao Says:

December 20th, 2007, 9:55 am

thank you for such good advices. I have read a practical way to change state effectively from easy steps to control temper
it says five steps:
A) Do you want to change or must change?

B) What is the detail information when you cannot control your temper? Your look, your tone, the speed of words, your action, your breath.

C) If you can control your temper, what kind of perfect result do you want to get? Just like step B, write down the detail information.

D) To achieve such a result, how can you change the bad situation to a risible situation? for example, you can add strange music or strange sound to your imagination.

E) Repeat step c) to d) until you feel better.

Mel Says:

January 24th, 2008, 14:07 pm

Blessed be - I was in meditation yesterday and suddenly I had a major insight that to ‘let go’ isn’t necessarily the best thing to do - sometimes it is too diffcult and can perhaps do too much damage than good. In fact, I realised that to let things be and to be at peace with things is far more healing and productive. I realised that in trying to let go of someone or some emotion however far in the past, in one way, was denying my past and who I was and therefore who i am now. Once I realised this I felt more whole and more at one with myself. It felt that by trying to cut cords I was also trying to cut off a part of myself and I found this even more distressing than the original painful emotion. I understand that advising people to let go is very much an ‘in thing’ at the moment - I have done it myself - but now I want to let things be - at peace and at one - and want to spread this message too. It is lovely to hear someone else coming to this place.