Comments on: 10 Tips for Life’s Greatest Challenge: Love Thy Enemy

By: Jim Dew

Jim Dew — Mon, 11 May 2009 12:47:34 +0000

Ayden, your comments are both interesting and honest. I don’t believe it is easy either to understand or to follow the ideal of loving your enemy. To the degree that one does so, it seems dependent upon, first, already having self acceptance and love and, second, already having love and acceptance of others who are not one’s enemy. By having self-acceptance and by realizing the connectedness to others, one begins to form a foundation for “loving one’s enemy.”
Another requirement for accepting this ideal is a realization of the degree to which each of us creates the animosity and negative feelings toward our “enemies” within ourselves. We deceive ourselves by generalizing from another’s negative actions, words, and intentions to the person themselves. As Ghandi said, “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” Instead, humans (including myself) all too easily fall into playing God, by making God-like demands of the world. We do this so quickly and automatically that it takes considerable practice realizing our role in creating our own negative feelings.
Here is an example. Suppose someone does something mean and harmful to me. Too often, instead of my accepting the reality that this mean and harmful event occurred, I automatically think “This SHOULD not have occurred. This SHOULD not have been done.” Do you see the contradiction? By thinking this way we’ve created an internal conflict between our experience of the event and our elevated wish that the event never existed. It is these internal conflicts that prolong our fear, anger, sadness, and the like. The conflict then makes US into the righteous enemy. (As Pogo said, “We have met the enemy and he is us!!”) Threatening, frightful, sad events DO occur. I can’t wish them out of existence by demanding that reality be different. BUT, I could change the course of my feelings by noting right away that I’ve elevated my wish to a God-like demand that reality be different that it is. So, instead of demanding that reality SHOULD be different than it is, (“should-ing on myself”) I learn to say to myself, “I WISH this hadn’t occurred” and thereby accept the reality that it DID occur. Without this acceptance, without this realizing how we elevate our wishes, we can’t see the role WE play in creating and prolonging the conflict, instead we just focus on the enemy and pretend we are just innocent victims.
I don’t see how anyone can “love thy enemy” without first establishing self acceptance; without having a greater love of others generally; and without realizing our own role in prolonging our own negative emotions by attempting to play God in creating (or re-creating) reality.

By: Ayden

Ayden — Fri, 08 May 2009 22:23:46 +0000

I’m sorry. But, what about the enemy, what about attempting to reach out to him? I’ve tried, I’ve read this, I’ve read the bible. I try to forgive, it is not the best thing for my heart (it really does sting to love them) and it isn’t easy. But they choose to hurt again after you try to love; what happens then? Once I tried to “branch” out, but I got severely beaten.

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Such an interesting little quote from the bible. Isn’t it? So simple to understand yet so difficult to follow, or is it vise versa? So simple to follow and yet so difficult to understand? Either way, it is painful to keep trying to do good to hateful ones and get the same mistreatment that befalls you in the first place? Can you sympathize with me here? Can you understand where I am coming from? I believe, I am Christian, but, I sometimes question why I must love my enemies when it’d be just so much easier to forget them. I understand it is even MORE easier to hate them, but how about “forget thy enemies, forget them that curse you, do nothing except forget them that hate you, and never mention again them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” Sounds so much more easier, so much less painful. I’ve harbored hate in my heart for my life and for the world, let’s forget the world and pray for the Rapture to begin, only then, can we achieve true happiness.

By: Sandra

Sandra — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 08:48:30 +0000

I am having lunch with a colleague of mine today to talk some things through. Now by chance I found this post. If nothing else, it has made me feel much happier today and for that alone I thank you. I am sure that the meeting this afternoon will also be a much more constructive and happy one.

By: Jim Dew

Jim Dew — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 17:30:06 +0000

Leo, thanks for this posting.

I recently listened to Emotional Awareness — a conversation between Paul Ekman and the Dalai Lama — and came upon this interesting finding: Those who do the worst atrocities upon others feel not so much anger or apathy as disgust. If the opposite of the greatest love is entrenched disgust, what are the implications? I look forward to your thoughts and the responses of others.

By: Kris Krumrey

Kris Krumrey — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:31:04 +0000

In 5 1/2 hours I will stand before a person of whom I have never met… an illegal alien…. a person who I have hated more than the devil himself since May 20, 2007. On that day this person killed my brother and only sibling of 26 years by drunk driving. He rearened my brother at over 85 miles per hour, killing him instantly. I may never know how truly sincere I am in saying what I will say to this man tomorrow, but tomorrow i will forgive this man for his actions and what he did to my brother. In doing so I choose to be free of the anger, hatred and pain I have allowed this man’s actions to control me this past year & a half.

By: Kri Krumrey

Kri Krumrey — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 07:30:02 +0000

By: rasberry

rasberry — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:40:21 +0000

I enjoy your site very much. It is useful and practical. You are wise and seem very patient. Anyway, can you please have an article on how to handle manipulative people. Where to draw the lines with honesty. I don’t think everyone is 100% honest at all times. In general, people are honest when they have nothing to lose. For example, they won’t tell off their boss what they think of them if the jobs and the income are at risk. Why should we care what people think of us anyway. They are not perfect either. Everyone has selective perceptions depending on their life encounters. Have a wonderful day and many more success come your way.

By: A Marital Spark: 6 Principles For More Passion And Energy In Marriage | Open Source Blogging

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:54:15 +0000

[...] seek to serve others. To love more. To give more of myself. Leo has previously addressed this idea: Love thy enemy, Live the Golden Rule, Help a fellow human [...]

By: Ambika

Ambika — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:52:07 +0000

i use these to not to hate:
– agreeing with/thanking the truth in criticism.
– responding with humor/lighter side of criticism.
– act in thought,word,deed keeping others wellbeing in mind & on our own decision.the high i get by acting on my own view prevents hate from surfacing.
– caringly stating/clarifying the facts not considered by the critic.
– twisting the criticism into a good intention & reflecting back as what i interpretted of your criticism.

By: Life Clerks » A Marital Spark: 6 Principles For More Passion And Energy In Marriage

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 01:15:55 +0000

[...] seek to serve others. To love more. To give more of myself. Leo has previously addressed this idea: Love thy enemy, Live the Golden Rule, Help a fellow human [...]