Photo courtesy of Ella's Dad

Top 20 Parent Hacks: Tips for Organization, Kid Optimization, and Happiness

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” - Red Buttons

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks, one of my favorite blogs.

Parenting is equal parts skill and art. The skills — diaper changing, nightmare soothing, gentle encouragement, the “Look” (what I call that piercing glance that stops misbehaving children in their tracks) — can be learned well enough. But the art…now there’s the tricky part. We all have to find our own way with our children, and there are times when only another parent’s “I’ve been there” advice can point us in the right direction.

At Parent Hacks, we swap parenting tips we’ve stumbled on through experience (and sometimes dumb luck), often with a twist of the unconventional or the surprising solution. Parent Hacks is collecting all those hard-earned nuggets of wisdom in the hopes of building the ultimate “back fence” where parents can get real-world advice on the stuff that rarely makes it into the books and mags.

Leo’s asked me to round up twenty of the best tips at Parent Hacks, and, while it’s impossible to define “best” (so much wisdom and smart discussion!), I dug through the archives and came up with some favorites in a few Zen Habits-friendly categories:

Getting organized
The key to finding more time is to spend less time on the stuff that doesn’t matter. Getting rid of, or at least reducing, mental and physical clutter creates room for our goals and dreams, or, some days, simply an extra 15-minute tickle session with the kids.

Follow the Law of Conservation of Toys. Create a simple trade-in system to keep toy clutter to a minimum. Read more.
Match secondhand clothes before you leave the store. Create outfits to get the best value. Read more.
Digitize your kid’s artwork and school papers to reduce clutter. Hang onto those art treasures without having to save all of the bulky paper. Read more.
Over-the-door shoe organizer as small toy collector. A little tip with a big impact. Turns messy piles of Barbies, Beanie Babies, and action figures into sleek, easy-to-play-with collections. Read more.
“Chore board” helps postpartum visitors help you. During those first couple weeks with a new baby, few of us have the brainpower to delegate tasks to well-meaning visitors. With this hack, you won’t have to. Read more.
Fashion a no-build “closet” out of a curtain rod and a bookshelf. Keeping a kid’s room tidy is so much easier when everything has a place. This hack works well for kids’ clothes or for the dress-up collection. Read more.
Keeping Lego sets organized: Ziplocs and cookie sheets. Everyone needs a good Lego hack. Read more.
Getting organized: Do the small stuff NOW. Life with kids can feel like one distraction after another, and often, the little tasks we intend to do later never get done. Follow David Allen’s Getting Things Done advice: if it takes two minutes or less, do it now and get it off your mind. Read more.

Basic “kid optimization”
Teaching kids independence does more than create a mini household labor pool (although that’s certainly handy). Competence and problem-solving skills are the building-blocks of self-esteem and set the stage for a proactive, “can-do” adulthood.

Help kids organize their own schedules. Draw up a simple paper schedule with cardstock tasks (homework, computer time, soccer practice, etc.) kids can arrange and tape to the schedule as they see fit. Not only does it help kids learn to organize their time, it teaches them the relative length of different tasks. Read more.
Homemade ‘calendar’ helps preschoolers understand their weekly routines. Calendars and schedules are helpful for younger kids, too. Pictures help them internalize their weekly routines. Read more.
‘Toy library’ promotes cleanup AND creativity. A toy trade-in system is smart for many reasons: kids get in the habit of putting their toys away, toy clutter isn’t as much of a problem, and toys feel “new” after they’ve been out of circulation a while. Read more.
Ticket system helps kids track their own TV and game time. “Screen time” is hard for many kids to regulate on their own, so it’s nice to have a fair and neutral system for agreeing on limits. It helps that this system is fun! Read more.
Kitchen timer: Multi-purpose tool of the gods! Bedtime, homework time, any time is timer time. Read more.
Do rewards kill motivation? This is less hack and more thought-provoking discussion. How does one teach a child to develop intrinsic motivation? Read more.

Attitude/mindset
No amount of life hacking will add minutes to your day, but thinking about those minutes differently may be the key to success.

Tell strong-willed toddlers what they should DO. This simple twist on how to give directions may revolutionize how you communicate with your little one. Read more.
Spouse hack: Work off the same to-do list. Good co-parenting requires good teamwork. Here’s a simple tip for staying on the same page. Read more.
Getting organized: Start with your brain, sort of. Overthinking (my favorite form of procrastination) has killed many a good to-do list. Just get started already. Read more.
Use Google Calendar to remind yourself to get a life. Sometimes the stuff that’s not on your calendar is the most important. Let your tools remind you to fulfill your goals and follow your dreams. Read more.
‘The Problem’ is the problem — not the kid. Every parent would do well to read this golden advice to be on your kid’s side, even when you disagree. Read more.
Toward less perfectionist parenting. Most of the time in parenting, there are do-overs. Read more.

For more from Asha Dornfest, see her incredible blog, Parent Hacks or subscribe to the feed.
Also see: my guest post on Parent Hacks — Ten ways to find time for your family no matter how busy you are.

If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us or on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

Top 20 Parent Hacks: Tips for Organization, Kid Optimization, and Happiness

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” - Red Buttons

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks, one of my favorite blogs.

Follow the Law of Conservation of Toys. Create a simple trade-in system to keep toy clutter to a minimum. Read more.
Match secondhand clothes before you leave the store. Create outfits to get the best value. Read more.
Digitize your kid’s artwork and school papers to reduce clutter. Hang onto those art treasures without having to save all of the bulky paper. Read more.
Over-the-door shoe organizer as small toy collector. A little tip with a big impact. Turns messy piles of Barbies, Beanie Babies, and action figures into sleek, easy-to-play-with collections. Read more.
“Chore board” helps postpartum visitors help you. During those first couple weeks with a new baby, few of us have the brainpower to delegate tasks to well-meaning visitors. With this hack, you won’t have to. Read more.
Fashion a no-build “closet” out of a curtain rod and a bookshelf. Keeping a kid’s room tidy is so much easier when everything has a place. This hack works well for kids’ clothes or for the dress-up collection. Read more.
Keeping Lego sets organized: Ziplocs and cookie sheets. Everyone needs a good Lego hack. Read more.
Getting organized: Do the small stuff NOW. Life with kids can feel like one distraction after another, and often, the little tasks we intend to do later never get done. Follow David Allen’s Getting Things Done advice: if it takes two minutes or less, do it now and get it off your mind. Read more.

Help kids organize their own schedules. Draw up a simple paper schedule with cardstock tasks (homework, computer time, soccer practice, etc.) kids can arrange and tape to the schedule as they see fit. Not only does it help kids learn to organize their time, it teaches them the relative length of different tasks. Read more.
Homemade ‘calendar’ helps preschoolers understand their weekly routines. Calendars and schedules are helpful for younger kids, too. Pictures help them internalize their weekly routines. Read more.
‘Toy library’ promotes cleanup AND creativity. A toy trade-in system is smart for many reasons: kids get in the habit of putting their toys away, toy clutter isn’t as much of a problem, and toys feel “new” after they’ve been out of circulation a while. Read more.
Ticket system helps kids track their own TV and game time. “Screen time” is hard for many kids to regulate on their own, so it’s nice to have a fair and neutral system for agreeing on limits. It helps that this system is fun! Read more.
Kitchen timer: Multi-purpose tool of the gods! Bedtime, homework time, any time is timer time. Read more.
Do rewards kill motivation? This is less hack and more thought-provoking discussion. How does one teach a child to develop intrinsic motivation? Read more.

Attitude/mindset
No amount of life hacking will add minutes to your day, but thinking about those minutes differently may be the key to success.

Tell strong-willed toddlers what they should DO. This simple twist on how to give directions may revolutionize how you communicate with your little one. Read more.
Spouse hack: Work off the same to-do list. Good co-parenting requires good teamwork. Here’s a simple tip for staying on the same page. Read more.
Getting organized: Start with your brain, sort of. Overthinking (my favorite form of procrastination) has killed many a good to-do list. Just get started already. Read more.
Use Google Calendar to remind yourself to get a life. Sometimes the stuff that’s not on your calendar is the most important. Let your tools remind you to fulfill your goals and follow your dreams. Read more.
‘The Problem’ is the problem — not the kid. Every parent would do well to read this golden advice to be on your kid’s side, even when you disagree. Read more.
Toward less perfectionist parenting. Most of the time in parenting, there are do-overs. Read more.

If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us or on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

Posted on 25 February 2008 in Finance & Family, Parenting |
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Comments (37)

Kelly Rigby Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:11 pm

Wow, there’s a lot of information and great ideas there. I think I need to print this page out to get my head around what I might explore further. I’ve never read PARENT HACKS before, but I’m going to go over there now to check it out.

I love the idea of digitizing my son’s artwork - I don’t know why I never thought of that before! Time to clear out the paper cupboard in the spare room I think.

:) Kelly

Egaas Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:20 pm

Growing up we always kept legos in big rubber maid tubs.

Also, before your kids spread their legos out all over the floor, put a blanket down. It’ll make pick up much easier.

Amir | Passion-Based Learning Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:23 pm

I love the phrase “kid optimization”. Nice! :)

Clay Collins | The Growing Life Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:25 pm

I really, really like the “kid optimization” section here. I had great parents, but they didn’t teach me how to get organized. It would be great for David Allen (or perhaps Asha Dornfest) to write a kid-friendly GTD book. Most of us had to piece this material together AFTER we grew up.

I’ll bookmark the Parent Hacks website for reading after my first child is born. Great job!

Clay

Tom Stine Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:30 pm

I’ve noticed with my kiddo that rewarding him too much is very counterproductive. All in all, he does best when HE wants to do best. This was a great post, and I’m gonna check out the stuff about intrinsic motivation on her site.

Simon Says:

February 25th, 2008, 21:52 pm

Thanks Leo (and Asha) for this.

@Clay - I’m with you.

Simon

banji - LessonInLife.com Says:

February 25th, 2008, 22:26 pm

I’m going to be a parent this coming May, so being introduced to ParentHack is very appreciated, thanks Leo.

From my own experience, watching the children next door, I would like to add that nothing corrupt a child more than one parent disciplining the child and the other is defending the child. The child will eventually lose respect to his/her parent.

Ok, I’m off to read all the suggested articles

Seeker Says:

February 25th, 2008, 23:11 pm

One thing I learned recently is to praise the effort that kids put into something and not how “smart” they are. This way they will associate success with effort and not intelligence. When success is associated with intelligence, then every challenge will be confirmation that the kid was either smart, like you thought, or maybe not really that smart after all. When you praise their effort, failure is associated with how hard they tried which can be easily remedied. Challenges get to be too risky for the “smart” kids and they could shut down, procrastinate, or sabotage themselves. Too much is at stake.

Corey -Simple Marriage Project Says:

February 26th, 2008, 0:30 am

Great stuff here. Parenting obviously has a tremendous impact on the marriage. Helping to get the kids organized and optimized can clear the way for adult time. I will pass this info along to all I come in contact. Thanks.

Amir | Passion-Based Learning Says:

February 26th, 2008, 0:53 am

Clay,

“It would be great for David Allen (or perhaps Asha Dornfest) to write a kid-friendly GTD book.”

Yeah, nice idea you’ve got there. I used to have a major headache keeping my LEGO organized and properly arranged when I was a kid.

Jonathan Mead Says:

February 26th, 2008, 1:18 am

Geez, I wish I would have had parents like this. Actually, my parents did a pretty good job. If I may so. I can’t use this advice yet, but it’s good to keep in mind for the future.

http://jonathanmead.com - Authenticity, Clarity, Balance

Jen, writer MembershipMillionaire.com Says:

February 26th, 2008, 4:07 am

With parenthood, we sometimes get so lost that we forget all about technology. All we remember is how our parents raised us and the old traditions of putting art works on refrigerator doors.I really like your suggestion of digitizing art works to reduce clutter in the house. While I don’t have kids yet, I’ll be sure to remember this neat little trick for when it finally comes in handy.

Emma Says:

February 26th, 2008, 8:08 am

What a great post. Very well written and with lots of informative subjects. ParentHack has now been bookmarked!

Stacy Says:

February 26th, 2008, 9:40 am

Excellent ideas here. I am a big believer that rewards kill motivation - at least for my kids. We don’t do “summer reading programs” for that reason. They love to read, why make it something they need to be rewarded for? The reading is the reward in itself.

I will definitely be implementing the ziploc idea for my daughters Polly Pockets. Those things are going to be the death of me!

Stephen Martile Says:

February 26th, 2008, 9:45 am

I love those tickle sessions.

Even though I don’t have kids (yet) I still have the tickle sessions with my wife. She’s getting pretty good at sneaking up on me when I’m not looking :)

Love those tickle sessions.

Stephen Martile
Personal Development Made Simple
http://www.stephenmartile.com

Fichot Sébastien Says:

February 26th, 2008, 10:23 am

Lol on title :) The blog si purely instructive, we love you here ! (even if we have to translate in french to understand something)

Missy - Hugging the Midline Says:

February 26th, 2008, 11:50 am

Great post. The rewards idea is especially interesting. A couple years ago we started giving my now 11-year-old stepdaughter a small allowance that she only receives if she behaves well and does her basic chores. Now we’ve found that there’s almost no whining and asking us to buy her toys because she knows she has to buy them with her own money; her behavior has improved dramatically; and her chores get done without us having to nag. So the reward system has sure worked well for us. Now with my 2-year-old we’re trying to establish good habits early so we won’t have to worry about staging interventions later.

Thanks for a great, thought-provoking post.

michael Says:

February 26th, 2008, 11:51 am

Wow, this is quite a collection.

Almost makes me feel like I’m ready. I keep thinking of what a friend of mine said about his child and fatherhood a few year ago:

“Wouldn’t recommend it to anyone; wouldn’t trade it for the world.”

Chris Austria Says:

February 26th, 2008, 12:24 pm

A lot of great stuff. The key of course and always will be is execution. Many of us know what to do or what we should do but we often fail to do them, present company included. I am actually finishing my blog regarding how to be a good dad and I narrowed my list down to 3 most important thing to do. I will post the article this afternoon. Of course I derived my inspiration from one your post last week about parenting.

Nancy Clark Says:

February 26th, 2008, 14:49 pm

This is also one of my favorite blogs; thanks for the great roundup. One of the hacks that helps me most is “tell strong-willed toddlers what they should DO.” Life-altering advice!

Edwin Says:

February 26th, 2008, 14:50 pm

Parent Hacks certainly is interesting. It’s funny how they come up with titles like “kid optimization” and those are really good tips too.

I’m ready to be a father! .

wnelson Says:

February 26th, 2008, 15:41 pm

Good advice on telling strong willed toddlers what they should do.

One thing to keep in mind with kids, other than the “follow me” axiom of leadership — kids don’t know what to expect. Too many parents try to transfer 20-30 years of emotional baggage — neurosis and machinations — into the reactions (or decisions) of a two-year old.

Sometimes “just act naturally” works well with the “follow me” part.

Bee Says:

February 26th, 2008, 17:20 pm

…just please, please, please leave gaps in your shiny optimised parenting to get wrong and messy.

Teaching kids how to surf on the crest of chaos and anarchy, is one of the most useful life skills we can impart. Though we need to be free (and admittedly organised) enough to play; we cannot let the processes rather than their personhood become the goal.

Ali Says:

February 26th, 2008, 18:34 pm

Thanks for the intro to Parent Hack Leo - so much to read + take in - looks like a great site.

Allena Says:

February 26th, 2008, 19:49 pm

We’ve mentioned parenthacks over at parentingdiva.com - - LOVE THEM!

Asha {Parent Hacks} Says:

February 26th, 2008, 20:43 pm

Thank you, Leo, for the opportunity to hang out with the fantastic Zen Habits readership. I really appreciate all of your comments, and I hope you’ll find much to love over at Parent Hacks! I think you’ll find the conversation in the comments to be as useful (if not more) than the tips themselves.

I just had to respond to Bee with an emphatic YES. As someone who’s had her share of chaos and anarchy this past year, I can personally attest to your statement. None of us wishes difficulty on our kids, but there’s no other way for them to learn just how strong and resourceful they are. Smoothing the path too much can be as problematic as anything else.

What that means to me? Freedom, license even, to be imperfect. Responsible, loving, and imperfect.

blogrdoc Says:

February 26th, 2008, 22:44 pm

There’s some really good tips here. I like the idea of digitizing their artwork. I strongly believe that the scanner is one of the most underutilized pieces of technology in a lot of people’s homes.

Back to the topic at hand though, here’s a couple of tips from me (that can of course be read in more detail at my blog)

1. Learn to use the Jedi mind trick on your child. Once mastered, be careful of over using it. I’m not joking at all about this.

2. Read ‘Unconditional Parenting’. This is the only book that stands out it my mind as a useful parenting book. There’s 12 *great* rules in that book including: “Say less, ask more; Avoid Rigidity; Give benefit of the doubt, but don’t ignore the facts.” It’s available in paperback and worth it’s weight in [some precious metal].

oakling Says:

February 26th, 2008, 23:07 pm

Does anyone else feel squicked by the application of corporatespeak to kids? Kid optimization, proactiveness… I know it’s done with good intention, but it’s a little terrifying.

Jesse Hines Says:

February 27th, 2008, 2:42 am

oakling,

Yes, I do. I don’t know what “squicked” means, but I certainly felt a little strange seeing “kid optimization” and “parent hacks” used in relation to better parenting.

I understand “optimization” and “hack” are part of the common language on this blog and other life-style design sites, but it just seems a little weird to be using them when referring to how to parent your children.

I agree the intentions here are good and so are the suggestions–that’s not my issue. I simply don’t care for the corporate/lifestyle design buzzwords used for this subject. Honestly, it strikes me as weird and unnecessary. It’s just a matter of language, though. The ideas are solid. Good post otherwise.

thailand adviser Says:

February 27th, 2008, 9:57 am

Thank you indeed for this great article!. With the Experience as Parent with my two son. This the great information. I would rather print out the copy and keep it to my friend soon.

Double Danger Says:

February 27th, 2008, 11:34 am

Don’t have any kids yet, but added this to my “future” folder to read later.

Good info.

Chris Laskey Says:

February 27th, 2008, 16:07 pm

Ha, another great post Leo. I absolutely loved the choice of the quote by Red Buttons.

Cheers.

Vanessa Van Petten Says:

February 27th, 2008, 19:43 pm

I love this post! I have been reading your parent hacks posts and was going to link to them over at my parenting blog, because parenting is a community effort and sharing tips like these is so important to help each other stumble through the pitfalls!

Vanessa

rainer Says:

February 27th, 2008, 20:07 pm

Normally you cannot study how to become a good parent. It’s always a learning on the job and this post helps a lot.

Gavin Allinson Outsource Success Says:

February 29th, 2008, 16:32 pm

great stuff awesome post

As a stay at home Dad, my son is 4 years old, one thing I see mnay parents do is not take care of their physical fitness.

I build workouts into my daily routine with Jack

we cycle just about everywhere he’s on the back of the bike

twice a week he goes to karate (30 mins there/ 30 mins back) I then go for a run 30-45 mins when he is in the class.

same with swimming lessons that’s only a 30 min class for him so I do a more intense session then.

I have some resistance bands that I use when he is in the park playing on the swings etc.

hope this helps someone

Gavin

Mr Positioning (Stanley Bronstein) Says:

March 21st, 2008, 10:37 am

When it comes to kids, I have one piece of advice.

ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS tell your kids (and any other people’s kids you meet) that they are capable of doing ANYTHING they set their mind to doing.

That is the #1 key to good parenting.. Fill your children with POSITIVE, NON-LIMITING thoughts . . .

Take care

Mr Positioning (Stanley F. Bronstein, Atty, CPA, Author and Professional Speaker)

Naveen Bachwani Says:

May 14th, 2008, 4:57 am

I am active dad-blogger and a father of two. I have even published a little book on my experiences as a newbie parent, and read extensively on the subject of parenting.

But, for all that I’ve read, I found your Top20 hacks to be absolutely priceless!

Keep up the good work, and may the force be with you…

Naveen