now is to delve on my goals and values.

You’ll live together, but split groceries? That’s a trust issue right there. Obviously, he’s not proving trustworthy. But is that b/c he’s untrustworthy or b/c he doesn’t feel worthy of trust and he’s just “acting out”?

You said it money = energy and money = time. But these little slips of paper are also inherently just forms of trust, so money = trust.

So now the question is “why is he in debt”? Who knows, but it’s probably worth asking him directly, heck write it down and give him a few days to think it over, he probably needs the time, it’s a complex question.

In the meanwhile, you as his partner, can best help by providing him trust, time and energy. You don’t even need to give him your actual money, giving him these other things will help him to pull himself out, because these things are “equal to” money.

Simple stuff like trusting him with small tasks (and thanking him) may sound condescending, but they’re important. If he’s overweight, do something to help him lose weight (debt and excess weight seem to come from the same place). Figure out how long this debt will take to pay back (do the math with him if necessary) and then understand put that into a “time” perspective. Appreciate that he will be paying off debt (and likely limiting your activities) for some number of months. Communicate this time and let go of the resentment that is typically attached.

Hopefully that’s a start, YMMV.

The issue we are having now is that my boyfriend has spiraled into major debt and is at this moment being threatened to lose any assets he has to cover the debt.He is depressed most days and we argues frequently about his attitude towards spending. When his children would come to visit us from a city 3 hrs away, his character shifted to Disneyland Dad and now that we’ve agreed this is not a positive impression for the children, he suffers from guilt for not feeling like he’s enough.The reality is that his negative attitude towards money is putting a huge strain on our relationship. Athough we are completely open and honest about our
financial situations the emotion behind it is overwhelming.
Because money is attached to material gain i believe he has an attachment to money = failure or success, and in my opinion its all just a form of energy-some are more skilled at molding it than others but its a poor description of who someone is. Not all wealthy people have morals.
The depression has set in… what do you say to a man who feels like a child?

In my home my wife and I have a brilliant system to stop the household finances interferring in our happy relationship.

She tells me what I can spend:)