Photo courtesy of paplars Five Great Ways to Conquer Your Fears
Editor’s note: This is a guest post written by Doug Heacock of Underpants Office.
It is a rare person who lives without fear of one kind or another. You may fear heights, or spiders, or new situations, or rejection–whatever your fears may be, you can either let those fears form boundaries beyond which you can’t move or grow, or you can face them head-on and allow them to become opportunities to move into new places in your life. The choice is truly yours.
Fear can be paralyzing, literally, for some people. As a camp counselor many years ago, I helped teach rappelling to high-school students, and there were some who were eager to step off the edge of the cliff and experience the thrill of zipping down on a rope. But there were some who were so afraid of heights (or more specifically, of falling), that no matter how much I tried to assure them that the rope would not break, and that they could completely control their rate of descent, they simply froze up and could not take that first step over the edge.
Fear is not always a bad thing. There are obviously some things about which we should be afraid and in which we should exercise appropriate caution. But if our fears control us, or prevent us from taking certain risks, we allow those fears to define us, to limit us only to courses of action that we deem sufficiently safe, and as a result, many of us never achieve our potential–or we cheat ourselves out of the richness that life could otherwise hold for us.
1. Realize that everyone is afraid of something.
I am the only person in my household who is not deathly afraid of spiders. If a spider of any size or species turns up anywhere in my house and my wife or one of my children sees it, I have to drop whatever I am doing to deal with it. Once, while I was out of town on a business trip, I got a phone call from my wife, who was in a state of panic because there was a spider in the kitchen. (I had to make arrangements for a neighbor to come over and kill it.) Spiders don’t bother me, but if a wasp gets anywhere near me, I simply have to leave. On one occasion, I jumped from the top of a twenty-foot ladder while painting a house, fearing a wasp that was hovering nearby far more than the risk of injuring myself seriously by jumping off the ladder.
Others may not fear the same things you fear, but everyone fears something, and understanding this can help you not to feel isolated in your fear. You’re not alone, and the fact that you are fearful in some area doesn’t make you a weak person.
Try this: find someone to talk to about your fears–you may find that someone else has faced the same fears as you, and has found a way through them that can help you.
2. You don’t have to overcome your fear all at once.
When my daughters were very young–still toddlers–we enrolled them in swimming lessons with a friend who taught children as young as six months old to swim. She didn’t do this by just tossing the kids into the water on the first day. She gradually introduced them to the water, holding them and allowing them to get used to it, teaching them how to float on their backs and so on, until eventually, they were able to jump in and swim on their own.
If you are fearful of public speaking, for example, you may not want to begin addressing this fear by booking a speaking gig in front of a thousand people. As a high-school student, I was abnormally shy, so as you might imagine, my sophomore speech class was a serious challenge for me. My first speech assignment was to introduce myself to the class with a five-minute talk about myself, and after about two minutes of stuttering through my notes in abject terror, my field of vision literally began to narrow, and I thought I might actually black out on the spot, so I just stopped and went back to my seat without finishing. I got an “F” for that assignment, and my teacher, knowing that I was really struggling with stage fright, asked me come see her after school. She was understanding and encouraging, and let me give her my speech one-on-one, and the next time I had to give a speech, I did much better. I went on to study broadcast journalism in college, which involved reporting and occasionally anchoring our college television newscast, and one of my first jobs after college involved weekly talks to groups of teenagers. These days I face a crowd of several hundred people every week, and although I still get a few butterflies now and then, I’m far more at ease than I was that day in high school. But it didn’t happen all at once. Remember: baby steps are okay.
Try this: write down something you are afraid of, some fear you want to overcome, and make a list of three small steps you think you CAN make to begin facing up to your fear. Choose one and do it tomorrow.
3. Approach your fears as opportunities for growth.
You don’t really want to be afraid, do you? If you think about what your life might be like if you weren’t afraid of that thing, whatever it is, you know that things would be better. If you look beyond the fear to the benefits of overcoming the fear, you may see a world that might just be worth taking some risk to live in.
Take a few minutes and make a list of the pros and cons of dealing with the thing that you’re afraid of:
- What are the potential benefits of overcoming that fear?
- How might your life be different if you weren’t afraid of it?
- What would you be free to do that you aren’t free to do now because of your fear?
- What do you have to lose by giving up that fear?
If you can objectively appraise the advantages to moving past your fear, you may come to see your fear as an opportunity to grow. The adage, “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” and all of its various permutations (e.g., “no guts, no glory”) are based on the time-tested principle that we can’t grow if we don’t allow ourselves to be stretched. You know this is true in the physical realm–a muscle that isn’t regularly used eventually atrophies and becomes useless–and it is no less true in other areas of our lives.
Try this: write a paragraph or two about how your life will be different when you overcome that fear that has dogged you for so long, and why the potential benefits are worth some risk.
4. Be careful how you talk to yourself about what you fear.
Sometimes we are fearful of what we imagine might happen if we step outside of our comfort zone. It’s all too easy to convince yourself that your reasons for being afraid are all valid. I once heard a wise man say, “More important than what happens to us is how we talk to ourselves about what happens to us.” This is so true–we can imagine all sorts of negative things when we contemplate something we’re afraid of, but this doesn’t make those things real.
It is entirely natural to be fearful of the unknown. You don’t know what might happen if you make that phone call to the person who intimidates you, or you’re not sure how the boss might react if you really speak your mind. Why not go ahead and make a list of the possible outcomes? What do you really have to lose if you take the risk? Seeing that list on paper may help you see how irrational some of your fears really are. Don’t forget to include in your list the possibility that things might turn out for the better.
Try this: instead of convincing yourself to believe the worst about something you fear, try imagining the best.
5. Failure isn’t necessarily the end of the world.
If there is one fear that is common to nearly all of us, it is the fear of failure. While there are some scenarios in which failure is potentially devastating, or perhaps even life-threatening, most of the time it isn’t. Yet the fear of failure short-circuits ideas, stymies careers and deprives us of experiences and opportunities that could enrich our lives.
If you have an idea and don’t try it for fear of failure, you’ve just given someone else the chance to try it instead–and someone else will, if you don’t. Thomas Edison is often credited with the invention of the incandescent light bulb in 1878, but the truth is that the light bulb was actually invented decades earlier. In 1802, Sir Humphrey Davy discovered that electricity could make a thin strip of platinum glow and give off light, but because platinum was so expensive, he didn’t develop the idea much further. In 1840, James Bowman Lindsay put a platinum filament into a glass bulb and removed most of the air so that the filament wouldn’t oxidize, and thus the first working light bulb was created. But again, the expense of platinum prevented him from producing the bulb commercially. Edison came along more than 30 years later, bought the previous patents, and experimented with thousands of different materials for filaments that could be commercially produced, eventually developing a filament from carbonized bamboo that would last for 1200 hours. He didn’t stop there–Edison went on to design an electric power distribution system that would make the use of light bulbs practical and profitable.
One could argue that all but one of Edison’s attempts to perfect the electric light bulb was a failure. Edison considered each failed filament to be an important lesson–he had learned yet another material that would not work. But perhaps more importantly, he didn’t let the road blocks that others had met deter him.
Our failures can be dead-ends or learning experiences that can lead us to try other routes to success, depending on how we treat them. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.” That’s a very old saying, but it’s great advice.
Try this: if you’re afraid to fail at something, make yourself a list of the things you can try if you do fail at first. It never hurts to plan ahead. (They put redundant systems on the Space Shuttle for this very reason.)
So what are you afraid of?
Doug Heacock writes about how to be more successful working at home at Underpants Office.
Comments (62)
Ron Towns Says:
November 24th, 2008, 19:40 pm
You can use visualization to train your mind to think more positively about the subject you fear! I use visualization every single day to calm my nerves and create focus around my goals and desired outcomes in life.
Another method I use on top of this is the use of a vision boards. Have you ever heard of them? They are images pasted on a board that represent your hopes, dreams, and goals. Studying these boards every days plants seeds of these goals within your subconscious mind.
John Assaraf does a better job of explaining this and showing you how to do it in his new book “The Complete Vision Board Kit.” I downloaded the free chapter here at http://www.TheVisionBoardKit.com.
Trevor Says:
November 24th, 2008, 19:41 pm
Great post about fear.
People nowadays think about too much and fear eventually get’s into them. I think that they should just calm down and slow down. Then fear wouldn’t be such a big thing.
A friend of mines said you fear something because when you’re small, someone somehow influenced you that that thing is not good so when you grow up you fear it as it’s in your head.
What do you think?
Andrew Lynch Says:
November 24th, 2008, 19:47 pm
I definitely agree with the idea that failure can be a positive thing. I love this old Nike commercial with Michael Jordan:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=45mMioJ5szc
“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot - and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Valeria | TimelessLessons Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:05 pm
To diminish a fear you must confront it. Slay the dragon. Talk to the fear and challenge it directly. Get angry for the hours it has stolen from you. Tell your fear that you will now take it on directly, see it for what it is, and that you’re going to release it.
Logan Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:05 pm
Nice post!
I like number 3. Fear is pointing us in the right direction. There is the potential to grow. I think one of the goals of life is to overcome our fears.
Tim Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:11 pm
I used to be afraid of heights, then I went skydiving. It was the most fun I’ve ever had, and I got rid of my fear.
Fit Bottomed Girls Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:13 pm
That was a great post, but I’m still cracking up about you taking the fall from a ladder rather than be near a wasp. Fears are so strong sometimes! ;)
Katya Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:14 pm
I used to not be afraid of anything. After my brother’s death, I am afraid of losing the people I love, but I don’t think I can really face this one ‘head-on.’
A Dawn Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:20 pm
I believe in visualization. You need to visualize the confront scene in your mind - all the details. And then face it in the real life.
Cheers,
A Dawn Journal
http://www.adawnjournal.com
pinoycontests Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:27 pm
I certainly agree: the best way to overcome fear is to confront it head-on. The sooner you get it over and done with, the better. Fail fast–and you’ll be able to recover right away. As Nietzsche famously said, “What does not kill me makes me stronger.”
Coed Fitness Tips Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:34 pm
Snakes! They don’t bother me if they are in a cage, only out in the open.
Vincent Says:
November 24th, 2008, 20:41 pm
Hi Doug,
Conquering our fear mean that we are taking one more step towards our growth. If we take the conscious effort to line up the benefits of conquering our fear, it is more likely for us to go ahead and do it.
I had written an article on facing our fears too at http://www.healthmoneysuccess.com/180/lessons-on-overcoming-fear/
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Success Professor - Danny Gamache Says:
November 24th, 2008, 21:16 pm
Great article Doug!
I especially like #3 and #4. We can really give ourselves lots of negative talk about getting out of our comfort zone. Last week I wrote an article talking about overcoming that kind of fear. You can read it here:
http://successprofessor.ca/2008/11/19/feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway/
sunaina Says:
November 24th, 2008, 21:49 pm
I really liked the concept on how to handle fear. I too have the following fears, fear of darkness, which my daughter too has and but now Iknow how to first remove it from my head and then help her through it, thanks Leo. But I honestly do not know how to handle the follwing fears, fear of someone misbehaving with my daughter who is slowly entering her teens, fear of losing my loved ones, fear of the increasing crime and violence in the world. I somehow always presume that the crime, violence which has affected so many lives can affect me my family.
Ryan McLean Says:
November 24th, 2008, 22:00 pm
These are some great tips. I have/had the fear of leaving work to work full time online as a freelance writer and a blogger. I have not conquered this fear but I am stepping out in faith and making it happen.
Thanks for all the tips. They are really useful and show me how I can best deal with my fear
Chris | QuoteAddict Says:
November 24th, 2008, 22:09 pm
Thanks Doug, nice post!
A few quotes that came to mind…
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
- Mark Twain
“Do one thing every day that scares you.”
- Elanor Rosevelt
“I think nighttime is dark so you can imagine your fears with less distraction.”
- Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
Tabitha (From Single to Married) Says:
November 24th, 2008, 22:32 pm
It’s interesting how everyone has different fears - what is scary to some doesn’t even affect others. I am afraid of needles and even though it’s all in my head, it can have very physical effects. I will have to try these techniques the next time I have to face that fear.
Deb Frawley Says:
November 24th, 2008, 22:43 pm
Thanks for this post, I’m going to use some of the idea’s suggested. I’ve just recently starting reading your blog and am glad I found it. Great post!
Mike King Says:
November 24th, 2008, 23:10 pm
Great suggestions and list of ideas. It always amazes me how much people might fear something but will never make a plan to overcome it, whether quickly or slow. Instead they just avoid it and go nowhere. Tackling it helps prevent that and open new possibilities. Good stuff!
Wesley Says:
November 24th, 2008, 23:19 pm
“You don’t have to overcome your fear all at once.”
“Failure isn’t necessarily the end of the world.”
These aren’t ways to conquer your fears, they’re beliefs about it. The other 3 points are tips for conquering your fears, not ways to conquer them. This article should be called “3 Tips For Conquering Your Fears and 2 Statements About It.”
panchitah Says:
November 24th, 2008, 23:24 pm
Bees. I become immobile with fear and have to try really hard to move. I do not know why my fear is so intense.
When a bee flew into my car and sat on my lap on my way down a curvy mountain road, I almost drove off a cliff… If it wasnt for my brother grabbing the wheel and jolting me back to reality…
Pearl Says:
November 24th, 2008, 23:40 pm
This is an uplifting post. I’ve conquered a large amount controlling fear in my life and I did it in most of the ways you describe. However, the last one on the list was a point that hadn’t quite sunk in for me until I read it the way you put it, thanks.
I want to add that fear is actually a very rational response, but it can be misinterpreted and repeated easily in the mind, which places it in the category of irrational fear. I found that looking myself in the eye in the mirror and accepting my fear helped me pinpoint the source of that fear and talk myself out of repeating the irrational thought cycle.
Great post.
johnlazy Says:
November 25th, 2008, 0:16 am
Nice article, I’ve also wrote an article on How To Conquer Fear. Here’s the link http://johnlazy.com/?p=223
Emma Says:
November 25th, 2008, 1:34 am
Good, solid advice, Doug.
One thing I find difficult with fears is that even if I realise others have fears too, they don’t necessarily realise it and therefore challenging your fears can be quite the lonely ride.
I’ve been terrified of swimming ever since I got my feet on the bottom of the Mediterranean as a child and my head didn’t reach the surface. It was made worse by traditional swimming teachers. Whenever I made progress, they would let go to ’show’ me how I was doing it all on my own… and of course I got to relive the panic and spluttering all over again. Finally, when at university abroad, I enrolled in an adult swimming course. On the first day, I swam a crawl for 10 yards. I’d never ever been without a floating device before. Extremely excited, I rushed home and got on the computer to tell my best friend all about it. He congratulated me and asked me if I was still going to go back for more lessons. He didn’t understand why swimming for me wasn’t like riding a bicycle for him: the first time he successfully did it, he could successfully always do it. I was crushed. Those classes were never quite as fruitful or exciting again.
Leo Says:
November 25th, 2008, 1:56 am
@Wesley: I see your point, but from my viewpoint they are all ways to conquer your fears. Let me explain:
* “You don’t have to overcome your fear all at once.” The way this helps conquer your fear is by showing you that you can do it in small steps. Incremental change. I think this is a great tip.
* “Failure isn’t necessarily the end of the world.” This helps people overcome their fear, because they build up the fear of failing in their head so much that they don’t even try to conquer it. If you realize that the worst thing that can happen isn’t so bad, you can tackle your fear.
Chris Edgar Says:
November 25th, 2008, 2:42 am
Thanks for this post. One approach I’ve also found helpful in transcending fear is to recognize that fear is just a sensation I experience in my body — maybe a tension in my shoulders or a chill in my back, for instance — and that if I remove the label “fear” from it, and stop thinking of it as something I “shouldn’t be experiencing,” I develop a surprising ability to move through it. — In gratitude, Chris
Esme Rattigan Says:
November 25th, 2008, 2:43 am
Great post! Fear is a powerful thing. I developed a fear of flying after an experience with turbulence. After using cognitive techniques to relieve my severe anxiety, I still have residual fear that arises every time I have to take a flight. I think something that helped me to address my fears is understanding why it is such a fear for me. That experience on the plane increased my mortality salience and highlighted the fact that I feel that I have not lived my life as I would like and so was not ready to die. As I achieve more and experience more, I feel less concerned about dying and less fearful.
Olivia Mitchell Says:
November 25th, 2008, 3:55 am
The message that you don’t have to overcome your fear all at once is a useful one. I use it when I’m helping people overcome the fear of public speaking ie: the fear of looking stupid in front of other people. I coach people to choose certain things to do which might make them look stupid in front of others - but which are not as frightening as public speaking eg: deliberately dialing the wrong number, getting on a bus without the right change, going to a social function either underdressed or overdressed. When you realise you can cope with the embarrassment that might accompany doing these things, you realise that you might be able to cope with the fear of looking stupid when you’re speaking before a group. If you want more examples on this see http://www.speakingaboutpresenting.com/nervousness/15-baby-steps-overcome-fear-public-speaking/
fabelfisk Says:
November 25th, 2008, 4:13 am
I’m afraid of work.. I know it sounds silly, but I am so scared that my work won’t be good enogh, that I am actually afraid to try my best.
Because if I try my best, and fail, it means I’m not good enough. But if I don’t try my best, and fail, it means I can comfort myself by saying that I know that I’m actually better than that and it’s no wonder I failed, as I didn’t really try all that hard.
It’s stupid, very unlogical, and it certainly doesn’t get me anywhere or teach me anything. Yet I don’t know how to work around it. Or - I know, because it’s mainly about getting my grip together and get to work,but I somehow can’t make myself do it.
Kate Says:
November 25th, 2008, 4:18 am
Facing the music or your fears present the greatest growth for us to develop to our fullest potential. It’s only when we face our fears that we can step back and say, “I can do this after all!” rather than cowering behind our desks, never going out to see what life has in store for us.
I think this post will help a lot of people out there to face their own music in life and go after what they really want.
Michael | Go Success Now Says:
November 25th, 2008, 5:09 am
Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response such as pain or the threat of pain. We should conquer fear or it will conquer us.
You gave good explanations how we should conquer, asking ourselves the right questions is the key to loose fear, and my opinion is, that with the fear comes an opportunity to improve your skills in that area.
Stuart Says:
November 25th, 2008, 7:51 am
Great tips! My favorite is the last one. Once I started accepting failure, then I was able to grow. Fear of failure can stop you dead in your tracks.
devan Says:
November 25th, 2008, 9:49 am
I’m going to tackle my fears now, inspiring blog!
Doug Heacock Says:
November 25th, 2008, 11:04 am
Thanks, everyone, for all of your comments. I am a work in progress, to be sure, but these attitudes and tips have been helpful to me as I have dealt with my own fears over the years. When I am anticipating something that I fear, I tend to dread it so much that the thought of that thing becomes much scarier than the thing really is. As simplistic as it may sound, sometimes the old Nike slogan (”Just do it”) is what it boils down to for me. And oddly enough, that approach quite often works.
Thanks, Leo, for the opportunity to post on your excellent blog!
[kame] Says:
November 25th, 2008, 11:23 am
Thanks for your posts.
Specially this one.
Carla Says:
November 25th, 2008, 11:32 am
Great post Doug. I really like how you included simple “try this” exercises to create awareness.
I also wrote about fear but from a more scientific approach. This is about the “kaizen” method popular in Japan.
http://www.carlakaywhite.com/2008/10/one-small-step-can-change-your-life/
JE Gonzalez Says:
November 25th, 2008, 12:23 pm
Fear is the only thing that holds us back from accomplishing truly great things. Fear of failure especially. One must always learn from their mistakes. Ask any successful business person and you will see that they failed once, or even twice. One of my greatest problems is fear of approaching women, but once you realize that rejection is not all that painful anxiety pretty much disappears. As for spiders though, those little things really give me the jibee-jibees.
Andrew Says:
November 25th, 2008, 15:02 pm
Hey Leo,
I liked the post. If you want to get over your fear of wasps, just remember one thing: Wasps are the epitome of the phrase “Tit for Tat”. If you leave them alone, they’ll never sting you. They might buzz around your head once or twice, but they usually move on quickly. I’ve lived out in the country most of my life and I can tell you absolutely I’ve never been stung by one I hadn’t gone after first. Just make sure you get them in the first shot. ;)
Christine Says:
November 25th, 2008, 15:03 pm
Great post, especially number 5. I’ve struggled a lot to accept failure and move on.
etavitom Says:
November 25th, 2008, 15:04 pm
thanks for another wise post!!
fear = false evidence appearing real.
all the best,
brad
Miss Attica Says:
November 25th, 2008, 15:26 pm
Great post! Thanks.
Nothing can be as paralyzing as fear! I like the perspective that fear is an opportunity for growth.
I’m definitely checking out Underpants Office! (nice name, my husband is always walking around in his underpants at home, and he also has a home office - so I get it! :)
Krista Says:
November 25th, 2008, 16:36 pm
Great post. After I divorced my hubby of 10 years because he cheated on me I feared I’d never get over it and be alone forever.
So I decided I didn’t want that to be my life and sold the diamond engagement ring he gave me to http://www.idonowidont.com for some closure.
Now I’m opened minded that I will find someone and that fear of being alone has vanished, so I have conquered that fear!
Kevin Says:
November 25th, 2008, 16:57 pm
One of my favorite fear stories comes from Union General U.S. Grant, on the eve of his first significant battle. As he marched up a hill, expecting to face Confederate forces on the other side, he found instead that they had fled the area. That’s when he realized that the enemy was just as afraid of him as he was of them, and that reassurance enabled him from that point on to act with his fabled boldness and determination.
Nicole Says:
November 25th, 2008, 17:17 pm
This is the best post (or article) I’ve come across in my hunt for tools to deal with my fear of embarrassment (fear of sounding obvious, stupid). You touch on a very helpful concept: the feeling of fear comes when you are on the precipice of a big learning experience. Though this does not make it any easier, it makes it a little more fair (why me? she isn’t held back by fear! why must I have this problem?). At least there is a worthwhile benefit to overcoming our fears.
But, I can’t say I’ve had the big AHA moment yet. I still don’t really know how to push through…
But, I urge you to keep going with this topic. You are helping.
morgin1013 Says:
November 25th, 2008, 17:30 pm
I gained a fear of roller coasters after getting trapped upside down on a loop on one (it was the first day of operation and it had bugs). We were stuck upside down for over 15 minutes before they called the fire department out to get us down which took forever and was painful and scary. After that I would NOT get on roller coaster but one day my family and I went to Disney World on vacation and my son was so excited to ride the coasters that I decided that I had to swallow my fear and get on. I kept telling myself “look there are 5 years olds that can do this so can you (they were in front of me in line), it’s Disney they take every precaution to make sure no one gets hurt, don’t let fear control you”. I got on the ride and I was scarred to death I was holding onto the seat harness with white knuckles, and I almost had a panic attack. I just kept looking at all the other people that were excited, and the little kids that had no fear and I had to keep telling myself it’ll be okay. And you know it was okay in fact half way through I actually relaxed and began to enjoy it. I still have the twinge of fear in my belly before I get on a coaster now, but I still get on and as soon as the ride starts I enjoy it every time.
I am still scared of bees though, I’m deathly allergic and if I get stung I have about 15 minutes to get medicine or I will die. I see them as little loaded flying guns pointed at me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over this fear and I’m not sure I should.
Kate | Everyday Calm Says:
November 25th, 2008, 17:57 pm
Point no. 1 is so true. Over the years I’ve worked with a huge number of clients around career change, from uni students to CEO’s and the one thing that is common to everyone is that they fear something…and so often it’s an internal, private fear. Like fear of not being liked or accepted or for many senior people, the fear of being ‘found out’ (the imposter syndrome).
It’s comforting to know that we’re really all the same on the inside.
Live for Improvement Says:
November 25th, 2008, 18:01 pm
Spiders!!! I hate spiders. I scream like a school girl, and jump to the other side of the room. After reading this post I will try to tackle my fear, slowly of course.
-Dan Malone-
Jarrod - Warrior Development Says:
November 25th, 2008, 18:28 pm
Maybe it would also be correct to say that failure is the start of a new world.
Failure is just in your mind anyway.
GearModa Says:
November 25th, 2008, 18:50 pm
I like the edison example, sometimes failure can help you succeed by letting you know what not to do and move on to the right thing.
Nate Says:
November 25th, 2008, 20:36 pm
I had to face my fear last year when i climbed onto my roof to clean off some snow. Couldn’t find the ladder so I had to use the porch railing.
So i stood up on the railing, and sat there for like an hour trying to muster up the courage to get on the roof. Finally I crawled up. It was a good moment for me.
Miss Gisele B | myBeautyMatch.com Says:
November 26th, 2008, 2:43 am
Great article. I liked your concept on how to handle fear.
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet Says:
November 26th, 2008, 6:13 am
Hi
One fear I have and am overcoming very rapidly (much to my delight), is the fear of posting on my blog!
How am I doing it?
I think the trigger was that I realised that I had much more to lose by not having a blog than by having a blog. At that moment I decided to go for it.
Sometimes I still get the wobblies, but the sense of accomplishment and wonder at the fact that I am ACTUALLY DOING IT is fantastic.
This is pretty much point 3 in your (great) post above i.e. consider what you are missing out on, or what you have to lose by having that fear.
Cheers
Juliet
Herbal Remedies Girl Says:
November 26th, 2008, 17:19 pm
Excellent post about fear! A lot of people have fears but they are usually embarrassed to talk about them. I have a fear of heights but I will still look down from the top floor…I don’t like it one bit but I will still do it :)
dr aletta Says:
November 28th, 2008, 9:19 am
One challenge I have is getting over the fear of making a fool of myself, especially in my writing. In this I try to remember what I tell my clients all the time, “The best antidote for anxiety is to do the very thing that makes you anxious.” So here’s to all of us who seek the courage to stick our necks out and write!
Sarah Cooper Says:
November 28th, 2008, 12:46 pm
This is such an important topic and you’ve addressed it really well. I think in terms of self-development, one of greatest fears is fear of failure, and we don’t always realis that, so its important to try and be conscious of why we are fearful in the first place, and then deal with the fear.
I recently wrote an article about this, that you might find useful too http://www.cowsfrommywindow.com/newsletter.php?disp=a&ID=16
Susan Says:
November 28th, 2008, 17:48 pm
Conquering and experimenting with fears is exhillerating. It’s amazing how it pushes you through other areas in your life you didn’t realize were holding you back.
I once saw an interview with a man who was so afraid of sharks, that he would only go scuba diving (which he passionately loved) in lakes. Eventually he went on a supervised scuba diving expedition where he had to be surrounded by sharks for upwards of 10 minutes. He was so empowered afterwards he quit the job he hated and found a new one. He realized if he could face his fear of sharks, he could face the fear of changing up his job as well.
Erin Says:
November 29th, 2008, 8:22 am
Wow, I never knew anyone else that was as afraid of wasps as I was. I’m not afraid of spiders either or snakes or much of anything except wasps. If there is a wasp outside, I’m scared but will just run away. If it’s in the house or in a building where I’m enclosed with it, I totally freak out. It does help to know other people have the same fear. Awesome post!
shann Vander Leek Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 11:06 am
Thanks for addressing a really important topic.
The gloom, doom and destruction caused by letting fear take over your mind can lead to mental and emotional paralysis.
One of the best acronyms for Fear is:
False Expectations Appearing Real
I agree that we should train our minds to address our fears with a a best case scenario in mind - which supports the idea that thoughts become things.
We owe it to ourselves to choose an optimistic outlook and forge ahead on the path of our dreams.
Action cures fear - Doug Horton
Cheers!
Takumi86 Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 13:31 pm
haha i have my own phobia which i couldn’t deal with it anymore. Sometimes people must have to face their own fear and they mustn’t run from it. Because the more you run from it the more fear will gets into you
Manos Says:
January 1st, 2009, 8:08 am
Wow! So many people talking so frankly about their fears! If you guys only knew how comforting that is. I have acrophobia, I am afraid of making mistakes, obsessive compulsive, can’t believe that the wish list has its own life (whatever this is supposed to mean), I am afraid of death, self-doubts, the tendency to be addicted to other people and a million of other fears. After the death of a schoolmate when I was 18, know I am afraid of losing loved ones. Sunaina, when you find a way to get over this fear, let me know - we could be a great inspiration to Katya. Valeria, once I wrote a story about “slaying the dragon” to a friend. The moral is: “Hug the dragon, don’t slay it, only that way will fear go away. The dragon is afraid of you as much as you are of him, and the antidote to fear is love”. As far as the fear of rejection is concerned, since I have been never been lucky with girls for the last 39 years (my age), leaving them alone has become for me a matter not of fear, but of dignity and pride. But finally, if some fears appear repeatedly, if something inside you repeatedly tells you “no”, doesn’t this mean that you better listen to your hunches and don’t do it?
Manos Says:
January 1st, 2009, 8:30 am
morging1013, what you are talking about is not fear. If bees are life-threatening to you because of your allergy, you’d better stay away from them, wouldn’t you? All I can currently do for you is pray that you get cured from your allergies soon. :-)
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