Photo courtesy of booleansplit Breaking a Bad Habit Shatters the Rung Beneath You
Editor’s Note: This is a guest post from Sean Platt of Writer Dad.
I’ve always thought of life as a spiraling staircase, gracefully wrapping around time and achievement, as opposed to the blunt vertical found on a ladder. Comparing life’s ascension to a set of stairs is often apt, but there are moments when life as ladder is far more fitting, such as when we find ourselves stuck between rungs, mired in the middle of old pattern and new performance. This is when the decisive climb from one rung to the next must begin so that we may climb toward our tomorrow, while leaving yesterday behind.
Steps may be clambered in tandem (my wife and I often fall into reflexive harmony when we find ourselves on stairs together), but climbing a ladder is a solitary endeavor. We begin at the bottom, then spend our lifetimes reaching for the top, each rung pulling us closer to dusk and further from dawn. Destinations are determined by our daily decisions, as is our grasp and the speed of our climb.
Each of us finds ourselves at some point stuck between the rungs, pinned at an impasse. Perhaps success has halted, and our growth is no longer happening at the rate it once was. We can wrap our hands around the rung above, but we do not have the strength to pull ourselves upward. Often, it is the rung just below that is holding us hostage with insubordinate habit. It is then when we must lower our heel, shatter the habits to bits, and then continue to climb without looking behind.
It is never too late to learn a new habit; never to early to shed the old like dead, useless skin. Bad habits are formed by the slow and steady accumulation of mindless minutes. As a million years of rainfall will smooth the slope of a mountain summit, so do a million misplaced moments warp our good intentions.
We all are capable of reverse engineering our own bad behavior, but we cannot unlock the door without looking for the key.
We can start by searching for the reason in our routine. Understanding why we do something is an excellent precursor to halting the undesirable. If a bad habit is built by a sequence of negative actions, then a good habit can be formed by stringing opposite elements in an opposing direction.
New habits are most difficult at their birth. The links of our new chain are frail, and barely strong enough to hold their weight, but every moment of determination thickens our resolve.
For the last three years, I’ve run a preschool with my wife. Recently, I sailed the seas to full time writer. The needs of a cadre of kiddies are nowhere close to those of the online world, and adjustments needed to be made.
At first, it was easy to allow my old habits to swallow me. It would have been simple to swear I was doing my best, but I wasn’t. The whisper was there, and I rarely commanded his silence. You know the voice, we all have one. Mine tells me to check my email, or my analytics… or my email (it’s been five minutes after all). Telling myself I could do better wasn’t enough. I needed to reach for the rung, and pull with all my might.
I could tell you that I used the mute on my computer to silence the song of my inbox, or preach the pluses of using pen and paper, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. Not one single bit. What worked for me may not work for you. I’ve read enough tips to know. I don’t need a “How To,” I need a “Why Should I.”
It is the universal thread that’s important - our need to change, and desire to do so. When want meets willing, there is no limit to how high we can climb.
Read more from Sean Platt at his blog, Writer Dad, or subscribe to his feed.
- Posted on 1 December 2008 in Motivation |
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Comments (49)
15 Minutes to Riches Says:
December 1st, 2008, 18:26 pm
Excellent article and beautifully written! I’ve had to break several bad habits on my journey to full-time blogger, and let me tell you, the difference that each step can make is incredible! It’s almost like breaking bad habits causes your confidence to build up like compound interest. The effects can really be outstanding.
My favorite part of your article was: “If a bad habit is built by a sequence of negative actions, then a good habit can be formed by stringing opposite elements in an opposing direction.” That is so true. If ever anyone feels discouraged, this would be a great line to remember and recite to yourself.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Computer Guy Says:
December 1st, 2008, 18:29 pm
Great analogy Sean.
You have a graceful way of phrasing the simplest subject in such an eloquent way, breathing new life into an often over-discussed subject like breaking bad habits!
Success Professor - Danny Gamache Says:
December 1st, 2008, 18:43 pm
Very nice Sean. I like how poetic the essay feels. I really like your quotes: “Understanding why we do something is an excellent precursor to halting the undesirable.” There is so much truth in understanding the why - both for stopping the bad habits but for motivating towards good habits. Knowing WHY you are pursing any goal (such as your writing) is what can truly inspire you.
The Bold Life Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:12 pm
The links on the new chain can be strenghtened with positive thoughts passion and trust. The comments and the stats will grow one reader at a time!
Trevor Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:33 pm
Great way to explain this topic.
Breaking bad habits one by one is a wonderful way to make yourself better each time.
Corey - Simple Marriage Project Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:33 pm
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
Fit Bottomed Girls Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:35 pm
That was beautiful and true. And the part about your partner is really true.
Vered - MomGrind Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:43 pm
I love your writing, Sean.
Although specific advice for overcoming specific bad habits is important and often useful, I completely agree that the first step is always identifying the reason behind the behavior.
Carole - Rejuvenation Lounge Says:
December 1st, 2008, 19:48 pm
Hi Sean,
I truly love your gentle and very nurturing writing style. I felt as if you were right here next to me as I was reading it.
An excellent piece of intimate writing.
I look forward to visiting your blog.
Peace, love and chocolate
Carole
Rahul Bhambhani Says:
December 1st, 2008, 20:58 pm
Sean,
You’re an incredible writer and I love the way you’ve put habits into perspective in this article. It serves as a gentle, yet important reminder that if we don’t proactively gain control over our habits, they will gain control over us. This almost guarantees that we will never reach the “dawn” and escape the “dusk”.
Thanks for this wonderful article, and I too look forward to stopping by your blog.
Bamboo Forest Says:
December 1st, 2008, 21:07 pm
All of our actions are preceded by a thought. That being said - it does appear that sometimes we can act even when our thoughts are negative. But something in our mind still said, “act.”
I’ve recently become convinced that by changing the self talk in our minds, we can master ourselves. And, as you point out, doing so can take a long time - considering for how long our self talk has been on the negative side.
But it can be done. And, even if we were not to succeed - it wouldn’t excuse us from trying.
Eric Hamm Says:
December 1st, 2008, 21:33 pm
Wow, Sean, what an eloquent way of educating us in the art of the life changing act of breaking bad habits. Well written and absolutely well received. Excellent job and thanks for sharing your insight with us all! Eric.
Latch Says:
December 1st, 2008, 22:08 pm
This article reminds me of my favorite quote from great expectations
“That was a memorable day to me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been. Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns or flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.”
A Dawn Says:
December 1st, 2008, 22:11 pm
All habits(good or bad) are learned, and they can be unlearned as well. I learned how habits can make you rich or poor in Brian Tracy’s book “Million Dollar Habits.” I recommend it.
Cheers,
A Dawn Journal
http://www.adawnjournal.com
J.D. Meier Says:
December 1st, 2008, 22:51 pm
Where there’s a will, there’s a way … and usually lots of variations ;)
That said, I think it’s great to share patterns and practices for what works, along with context and why. In fact, one of my favorite patterns for sharing insights is “what to do”, “why” and “how.”
There’s a lot of parallels between personal excellence and situational leadership. The crux of situational leadership is motivation and capability. You can apply that to self-leadership. Again, it’s a matter of motivation and capability. On the capability side, I’m a fan of “model the best” and standing on the shoulders of giants.
> mired in the middle of old pattern and new performance
Great way to put it. That’s what “growth” feels like.
Marelisa Says:
December 1st, 2008, 23:49 pm
I completely agree that our bad habits can hold us hostage. Repeat a sequence of negative actions frequently enough and soon you’ll be shackled to this new sequence of actions. I agree with Vered that you need to start knowing the “why”, and then you move to the “how”. Beautifully written, as always, Sean.
Writer Dad Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 0:03 am
15 Minutes to Riches: Thanks. Compound interest is a great analogy. Thanks for enjoying my words.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Computer Guy: Thank you. When we can say something in a new way, it is often easier to have someone understand us.
Danny: I try to place a bit of poetry in everything I write. Thanks for noticing.
The bold life: True that.
Trevor: Bit by little bit.
Corey: Hi Corey. Funny and true.
Fit Bottomed Girls: My lady helps me stay in step for sure.
Vered: Thanks, Vered. We can only do better once we know, right?
Carole: Thanks Carole. I’d love to have you around.
Rahul: Thanks a lot. It was an absolute pleasure, and it was nice to see you at my lady’s house.
Bamboo: Hi, Bamboo. Thanks for the email, and you are correct. We must only master ourselves. Everything else falls right behind.
Eric: Eric, my man. Thanks as always.
Latch: That is a fantastic quote. Thanks.
A Dawn: Tis true. Thanks.
J.D.: Standing on the shoulders of giants. Absolutely, JD. Search for what’s worked, and then fill it with your own personality and mindset.
Marelisa: Thanks, as always, Mare.
Goal Geek Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 2:49 am
Repeating what everyone has said, you’re an excellent writer Sean. - I’m glad I found you here.
Your ladder analogy reminds me of a time or two as a kid when I had to climb a ladder and would freeze somewhere between the bottom and the top. A certain panic would set in when I looked down and the next thing I knew my muscles would be completely frozen and I would be in despair. On the ladder of life, and particularly where habits are concerned, I’ve found it more empowering to focus “positively” on the next rung up, rather than “negatively” on the rung I need to leave behind. Trite, maybe, but it works for me. Best of luck to you!
Valeria | TimelessLessons Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 4:48 am
We fail at many things in life — but being unsuccessful in breaking a habit is only a failure in the moment. The journey to the complete removal of a habit can be filled with setbacks. But, if you can remember that all setbacks are just setups for future success — you will succeed.
Persistence is the key!
Thank you Sean for the reminder.
ScreenOrigami | Sandra Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 4:52 am
Great writing, Sean, I bookmarked your feed and am looking forward to reading more from you. Definitely a good decision to become a full time writer. :)
This is so true:
I don’t need a “How To,” I need a “Why Should I.”
The tricky part for me is to figure out what it is that I want to achieve. Once I have a clear vision of what I want it’s very easy to break it down to the steps I need to take to get there.
Thanks for the reminder. :)
Usman Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 5:21 am
I think understanding why you do something is a battle on its own. What say?
Chris (from Lifestyle Project) Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 5:51 am
Sean,
I enjoyed the way you bought new perspective to these issues. Great article - thanks.
Cheers,
Chris
Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 5:56 am
Interesting analogy - but I’m going to offer a different way of looking at it.
When I used to teach beginner’s rock climbing, I’d tell people that climbing happens with the legs and the arms are used for balance. And then people would ignore me and pull their way up the wall, exhausting themselves after three climbs.
Our thighs are huge muscles - much stronger than our arms. In climbing the ladder, instead of thinking about pulling yourself up by your arms (ow! pain!), consider using your past, what’s below you as a foundation and push yourself up to your future. Your arms then just become guides, and you move forward using your strengths.
(This is why I love analogies - there are always a million ways to explore them!)
Hank Coger Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 5:58 am
GREAT POST, Leo! You are without doubt the best blog writer in the universe, and I’m going to send the link to your site to all my friends.
Thanks for writing that post, Leo! :)
LifeMadeGreat | Juliet Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 6:13 am
What an inspiring read!
So beautifully written. I must get to your blog ;)
Juliet
The Daily Click Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 8:54 am
Having read many posts on breaking habits can I firstly say that it was beautifully written and a lovely analogy as well, really engaging.
You are so right about identifying the reason for the bad habit as in my experience just trying to break a bad habit with out knowing the cause usually leads to failure.
Many thanks for sharing your perspective.
Kelly Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 9:39 am
Living mindlessly often leads to bad habits. Living mindfully in each moment you are given leads to change and growth. Great article!
K
Writer Dad Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 11:03 am
Goal Geek: Thanks for the compliment. Trite, not at all. That’s an excellent strategy to pulling yourself forward, rather than stumbling down a few rungs.
Valeria: Persistence is the key that will unlock many a door. Well said, Valeria.
Sandra: I’m glad to know you. I reread this for the first time last night, and that was the line that struck me as well. You are quite welcome, and thank you.
Usman: I agree.
Chris: You are quite welcome, and cheers back at you.
Alex: Dude, Alex, I LOVE that. Thanks for the improvement.
Hank: Leo was very kind to give me the opportunity. I’m glad you enjoyed my words.
Juliet: Thank you for the compliment, I look forward to knowing you.
Tabitha: Thanks Tabitha.
The Daily Click: My absolute pleasure, and thanks for seeing the difference in this post.
Kelly: Thanks, Kelly. Savoring our moments instead of swallowing is the best way to truly live our lives.
Don Mak Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 11:14 am
Thanks for this article. Too often we attack symptoms of procrastination, failure to succeed, and bad habits instead of examining the root causes of these problems.
“We” meaning “me” :-)
This was the perfect article at the perfect time for me.
Thanks again,
DM
Dustin Williams Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 12:04 pm
For me, procrastination increases the volume of work’s siren song. The longer I put something off the more it bothers me and the harder it is to start on something. Breaking tasks down into smaller tasks seems to work best form me. Great stuff, keep it up.
Neil Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 12:48 pm
Thanks for providing this insight and for delivering it in such an eloquent manner. I agree with you, I’ve had enough of How To, I need the Why and in the end that can only come from me.
Takumi86 Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 13:21 pm
How you can find yourself breaking your bad habits is quite easy, all you have to do trying to get used to do some meaningful thing like packing up your trash thingy inside of your room and put them in the rubbish can, and so on.
What does really matter is how much is your intention on leaving your bad habits
Janice Cartier Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 14:14 pm
I don’t need a “How To,” I need a “Why Should I.”
Nail on head Sean.
Maya Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 15:09 pm
I can relate to your experiences - quit my job to stay home 6 months ago and now starting work on my start-up …
I can read how-tos all I want - but I know that my desperation (not just need) is what will make me change and make things happen …
I love this perspective and you have a problem ….you write poetry in prose ;) …could that be confusing for your readers?? :)
Love your writing Sean. Wish you the best, always!
Dragos Roua Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 16:03 pm
Great. I like the way you use symbolic objects in your sentences, forcing the left side of the brain to come into the play. As it is the unconscious who runs most of our autopilot activity, such as habits. Talking to it with metaphors like ones in your post really get its attention and unleash its tremendous power for the good of the intended changes.
I really enjoyed your writing, good luck in your new travel.
Writer Dad Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 17:54 pm
Don Mak: We must find the root or there’s little point.
Dustin: I know exactly what you mean. I am the same way, though I do admit I’m getting better.
Neil: It’s in all of us, we just have to have the fortitude to pull it out.
Takumi86: If we don’t really mean it, then we can never truly succeed.
Janice: Hi Janice, it’s nice to see your name. Your comments make me smile. Thanks.
Maya: I aim to enlighten, but I probably confuse on occasion. Thanks for being a constant reader Maya.
Dragos: Thanks for the well wishing. I love it best when my left and right brains are in harmony.
When I Grow Up Coach Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 18:20 pm
Wow. This post was beautiful and eye-opening for me.
As 2009 approaches and I think of all of the “resolutions” I want to make (I put resolutions in quotes because I think they’re BS - I’d rather give myself SMART Goals any day), I’m going to not think of “How?” but instead “Why?” I know some goals I’m going to set are to get rid of those bad habits (picking at my nails) or attributes (lack of focus) that I know don’t serve me. But when I’ve attacked them before, with a plan full of Hows, I’ve failed. But if I get to the Why - really become honest with myself in the Why - then the How will fall into place.
Thanks for this post. I plan to put this into practice right away.
Best,
Michelle
Deb Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 22:51 pm
For a totally opposite perspective, check out “Kill Your Goals” at Illuminated Mind:
http://www.illuminatedmind.net/2008/11/28/kill-your-goals-expectations-and-stop-caring-for-a-better-life/#comment-4807
kathy Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 22:55 pm
“when want meets willing”
Such a succinct phrase that holds a core truth. We need both desire and drive to free ourselves from our shackles. Unless we know why we want to change, all the hows of change are meaningless. Thank you for a poignant reminder.
Jessica Says:
December 2nd, 2008, 23:27 pm
Wow.
Thank you for putting the cookies on the lower shelf.
I’ve been searching for the right question for a long time now.
Digging through tips, scrounging in how-to and advice books.
You’re the first one who has articulated the path clearly enough for me to understand.
Thank you.
~Jessica
sunghak Says:
December 3rd, 2008, 2:09 am
I have got good news for you
Im a gdi 10$ business man are you interested in internet marketing business?
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t… you are right.”
I hope that we’ll have a successful business venture together
Evelyn Lim Says:
December 3rd, 2008, 9:36 am
Such beautiful writing!! I also like what you said “I don’t need a “How To,” I need a “Why Should I.” Exactly!!
I wish you all the best in your new journey!!
Writer Dad Says:
December 3rd, 2008, 11:20 am
Michelle: You are quite welcome. If we know why, then we will attack things with a more reasonable method. Our new years are up to us, but writing a bunch of resolutions on a piece of paper will do nothing if we don’t know why we’re writing them in the first place.
Deb: I will, thanks.
Kathy: You are quite welcome. It’s my pleasure.
Jessica: That is a compliment of the highest caliber. My humble thanks, Jessica.
Sunghak: I’m not quite sure what you’re saying, but good luck.
Evelyn Lim: Thanks Evelyn, as always!
Anna Says:
December 3rd, 2008, 13:58 pm
My problem is actually trying to figure out if a habit of mine should be changed.
Or is there some other underlying issue that manifests itself within the habit.
and then after spending all that energy changing that habit, I would have created another habit as its replacement.
Poppy A Says:
December 3rd, 2008, 16:30 pm
Beautiful and inspiring. I like: “It is then when we must lower our heel, shatter the habits to bits, and then continue to climb without looking behind.”
Emily@remodelingthislife Says:
December 4th, 2008, 0:18 am
Hey Sean, I kept meaning to come see your article here sooner but I’ve been being all mellow and crafty with my kids. Anyway, I’m here now and wanted to say that this is so well said, as usual. You have a way of saying things that always makes me stop and think and move a step closer to becoming a better version of myself. Thanks.
Laurie Says:
December 4th, 2008, 16:26 pm
“It is the universal thread that’s important - our need to change, and desire to do so. When want meets willing, there is no limit to how high we can climb.”
Wow Sean, were you saying that directly to me? I do need to work on the willingness part of. SHocking to you I’m sure.
Matthew Dryden Says:
December 4th, 2008, 18:05 pm
I always get distracted like that when I’m writing an entry - unless I’m doing it in stream of thought…which seems like it’s less and less these days. hm.
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