A few people mentioned parenting as a change agent. While I am not a parent I feel I have had a similar experience at work. Eventually I reached a boiling point from being so overloaded with work that it was no longer feasible to maintain all of my control freak habits. I had to shift my focus to the tasks that truly mattered. This took both patience and discipline.

Another shift occurred when I learned to appreciate the fact that we are all different. Controlling how others do things is an exercise in futility. I realized that if I wanted to get things done I was going to have to rely on others and relinquish some control. One of the techniques I use is to get the input of others on process. Doing so increases the likelihood of achieving the desired result. HOW something is done is secondary, even though I don’t always remember that lesson!

Ironically, I find that taking a minute to control the things I can, such as organizing my desk, gives me the energy I need to let go of of the things I can’t.

Thanks for the thought provoking post Leo and excellent comments from everyone!

The analogy I often use is that of a table. You don’t need it 99.999999% bacteria free. It just needs to be clean for the purpose you use the table for. For example, the dining table might need to be cleaner than the study table or the garden table.

My mother, grandmother, and uncle died in a row (of cancer) when I was too young to handle it. It destroyed my family. It threw me into a constant need to control life so the other shoe doesn’t drop, or at least I’ll see it coming. I have lived the last 35 years ducking. (despite decades of therapy)

Some forms of needing to be in control are not under our control. The rug is pulled out from under you in a way that discloses that there is no rug.

So, as I built my confidence and self-value, as I became a stronger and happier person, I’m much less worried about the world and what situations I might end up in. I now know that no matter what happens, I still have value and I am still capable. I know, deep down, that no matter what I’m exposed to I can manage it and turn it around.

This have allowed me to begin to really let go of control and of the need to be able to predict what will come. And instead just accept and receive what happens with an open mind. It’s allowed me to enjoy the now and live in the now for the most part. I still fall back into old habits, they can be hard to break and I have my doubts at times, but I’m on the path and will reach the end.

Now I feel like I have a “beginning” in getting over this control (and maybe slight OCD) issue of mine. Baby steps! I am now going to fix myself some breakfast and grab the first eating utensil I see in the drawer.

We all have little control of our lives, when you really think about it. Oh, and for a great movie that emphasizes this fact of life, see Matchpoint.