Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mary Jaksch of Goodlife ZEN.

What unites us as human beings is an urge for happiness which at heart is a yearning for union. ~ Sharon Salzberg

Have you ever looked into the mirror and wondered who is staring back at you? Or longed to unite the many parts within you? The friendly one, the angry one, the resentful one, the sad one, the calm one, the impatient one, the confused one – that are all jumbled up behind a public persona that’s buffed and glossed – but tends to crack when you’re angry or upset.

This post is about how we become unraveled and alienated – and how we can reunite with ourselves and the whole world.

It is about the healing power of love.

There are four ways we become divided within:

1. We fragment through ‘if-only’ thoughts.

We think, “If only I had a different job; if only I was married to another person; if only I lived in a different place. If only I could study, travel the world, get a job, find a partner, win lotto, make friends.”

We think, “If only I was somewhere else, or doing something else – then I would be happy.”

2. A divided mind splits us into two.

Our mind is often divided. One part may be paying attention to what is happening, but another part often skips ahead to look at what comes next, or wonders how our actions or words might be received.

3. We deny aspects of ourselves.

We fragment when we deny the unloved parts of ourselves. When we try to cut off our anger, or our fear, or our shame, our emotions become muted, enthusiasm is hard to come by, and we feel alienated from ourselves and others.

4. Change leaves part of us behind.

Whenever we make a change in our life, a part gets left behind. That’s why change – even wholesome change – is often painful.

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