I don’t often write reviews of ebooks, but a handful of them have come out in the last couple weeks that I just can’t ignore — I really think they’ll be of interest to Zen Habits readers who are interested in getting out of debt, in minimalism, or in reducing dependence on cars.

The first is a project I’m involved in: Unautomate Your Finances. An ebook by Baker of ManvsDebt, it teaches you to curb your impulse spending and become more conscious of your financial habits, so you can stop living paycheck-to-paycheck and take control of your money. I wrote a forward to the ebook and there’s a video interview with me on these topics that comes with the book. Buy it here: Unautomate Your Finances.

A quick note: the links to the ebooks in this post are affiliate links, which means that while I’d fully recommend them without compensation, if you do buy a copy you’re helping to support Zen Habits.

Some other awesome ebooks I think you’ll be interested in:

• Simplify: focuses on 7 guiding principles used by the family of four who share their journey at the excellent blog, Becoming Minimalist. Must-read.
• Simply Car-free: wonderful ebook by Tammy of Rowdy Kittens (another awesome simplicity blog) that explores the whys and hows of becoming car-free. Very practical guide that’s been useful to me as my family and I move towards a car-free lifestyle (will be fully car-free when we move to S.F. in June).
• Project M-31: Simplify Your Life in 30 Days: excellent step-by-step approach by Dave of The Minimalist Path that will target one area of your life per day for 30 days. Makes a major change manageable.
• The Art of Being Minimalist: book by Everett Bogue, great advice on becoming a minimalist.

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Haiti Relief Donation
I’m also happy to report back to all of you that my fund-raising effort for the Haiti disaster relief was successful, thanks to all of you! As I said near the end of January, 100% of Zen Habits ebook sales for 30 days would be donated to Doctors Without Borders. Last week, I was happy to make a donation of $6,100 from those ebook sales.

So thank you, all of you, for your generosity!

If you’d still like to buy a Zen Habits ebook to support this site, you can do so:

1. Zen To Done.
2. The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life.
3. The Zen Habits Handbook for Life.

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Zen Habits blog skin, plus a video
Finally, a couple things of potential interest to bloggers:

1. Zen Habits skin. If you buy the Frugal theme for Wordpress, or if you already own it, you can get the Zen Habits skin for Frugal. The skin is free, and it’ll make your blog look pretty much like this one, if that’s of interest.

2. Video interview with Leo: Making a living online. Eric Hamm, developer of Frugal and blogger at Motivate Thyself, did a video interview with me on making a living online. I don’t give you any get-rich-quick answers, but it’s a little insight into what has worked for me.

You probably don’t need me to tell you that there’s a global recession at the moment. People all over the world are feeling the pinch and the travel industry is suffering because we all have less money to spend these days on luxuries like travel.

But not being able to afford it doesn’t stop people from wanting to travel. Apart from general happiness, I think dreaming of travel, visiting new places and seeing new things is probably one of the most universal life goals.

Travel is also one of the most popular search engine terms and the more we see of the world on TV and read about in books, or on the Internet, the more we want to explore planet earth ourselves.

Yet although many of us want to travel more we don’t. There are so many excuses for not traveling: the expense, the kids and the job are all commonly used to explain to ourselves why we can’t travel right now.

But what’s the point in deferring your dreams? To me you should be able to follow your dreams even if you do have limited funds, a growing family and a demanding career. All you need to do is change your mindset, make travel one of your top priorities and get on with it. These are my ideas on 10 ways you can travel more with less.

1. Start Local. First try changing your mindset. The purpose of travel is to see new things and experience new cultures. Many people think that in order to see things they’ve never seen before they need to travel far afield but that’s not true. Find out more about your local area. Anywhere within a two or three hour drive should be fair game for a weekend trip. If you’ve got longer you can extend your range further.

First head to your local library or get on the Internet for ideas of things to see and do close to home. There are probably some walks, caves, rivers, lakes, forests or waterfalls that you’ve never visited before but have always wanted to. Pick one and make sure you check it out as soon as possible.

When I lived on the beautiful Waiheke Island in New Zealand I was amazed by the number of Aucklanders who, on hearing where I lived, would wistfully say:

“What’s it like? I’d love to visit some time.”

But Waiheke is only a 35 minute ferry ride from downtown Auckland so I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just jump on the ferry and check it our for themselves.

2. Accommodation. Think outside the box. For me, travel isn’t about staying in boutique hotels or luxury spas. Travel is about getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing things you’ve never tried before.

Cheap sleeps include camping and house swapping. If you want to try camping ask around and see if you can borrow some camping gear. As soon as you do you’ll be amazed at the number of people who have all the camping equipment but hardly ever use it. For a couple of nights all you really need is a tent, bedding, an icebox and a small stove so you can cook pasta or risotto. Or forget the cooking part and just grab a take away.

If you don’t want to camp organize a house swap with friends or through out of town friends. Find someone in an area you’d like to visit and swap away. The added bonus of this is that it will motivate you to clean out your house.

3. Food. Who needs fancy restaurants? Even eating out at fast food joints will eat into your precious travel budget. With a little advance planning and some basic equipment you can feed yourself twice a day for a minimal cost. Here’s how.

Take a couple of plastic plates, bowls and beakers with you and buy a picnic knife that comes with a cover so it won’t pierce a hole in your bag. For breakfast pick up some local seasonal fruit, yogurt and muesli bars. One of the healthiest breakfasts is a thin layer of peanut butter on bread and you can’t get easier than that. Just buy a plastic jar of peanut butter to carry round with you and pick up bread, chapati, tacos or rolls fresh.

For lunch fresh bread, tomatoes and cheese or ham are simple, nutritious food. Eating outside is a real pleasure and you’ll have more time to explore because you won’t be stuck inside or limited to places with restaurants. If you’re staying in a hotel ask if they can include breakfast at no extra charge.

When it comes to the evening meal watch where the locals eat, don’t head straight to the touristy restaurants. Street food can be excellent and extremely cheap too. I ate lots of street food from stalls in India and never got sick once. In fact, I may be the only person in the entire universe who went to India for three months and put on weight. My secret is to pick stalls that are poplar with the locals, watch what they order and get the same.

4. Sight-Seeing. There’s a lot of store set by seeing the big sights, like visiting Disneyland, going up the Eiffel Tower or touring the Sydney Opera House. But these things tend to be expensive. They’re big ticket items so limit yourself to one at the most per trip.

Some of the best things have no entry charge and there are plenty of lesser known attractions which may be free or low cost like hanging out at Venice Beach in Los Angeles, visiting Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris or browsing the Paddington markets in Sydney. All fun, interesting and easy on the budget too. You get the idea, no matter where you’re going don’t feel you have to spend big on the main tourist attractions. That’s all they are, you can learn more by hanging out with the locals.

5. Relax. This is my top tip. Too often a vacation or travel becomes a check list of things to do. Promise yourself that you’ll stop trying to tick things off just for the sake of it.

For example, f you do make it to Paris then visiting the tourist attractions needn’t be your top priority. You won’t see many French people paying to climb the Eiffel Tower. They’re all sitting in the cafes having a short black coffee (the cheapest option) and people watching. Or you can join them wandering free of charge around the parks, visiting the local markets and walking along and over the bridges of the River Seine.

You may not be heading to Paris this trip but you get the idea. Just travel to get to your destination and then be. Stop rushing, relax, enjoy and see what happens. Travel is all about getting rid of your agenda and going with the flow, allowing a little spontaneity into your life.

That’s it! Don’t delay. Get your calendar out and write in when you’re going away for the weekend. My next trip is to the hinterland which features waterfalls and bush walks and is only about a ninety minute drive from my house. Definitely not something you’d want to do for a day trip with 3 young kids in the car so I think we’ll pack the tent, relax and make a weekend of it.

Happy travels everyone!

Read more from Annabel Candy at her blog, Get In the Hot Spot, a virtual treasure trove of inspiration, information & idiosyncrasies for people who want to live their dream. Or subscribe to her free feed to keep yourself posted on the latest articles.
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If you liked this guide, please bookmark it on Delicious or share on Twitter. Thanks, my friends.

Also see Leo’s related ebooks:

1. Zen To Done.
2. The Simple Guide to a Minimalist Life.
3. The Zen Habits Handbook for Life.
4. Essential Motivation Handbook.

I’m happy to share with you the birth of Zen Habits’ sister site: Zen Family Habits.

It’s a joint project with Sherri Kruger of the excellent blog Serene Journey (read: she’s doing most of the work), and it aims to fill a gap that I’ve been neglecting here at Zen Habits (I tend to neglect a lot of gaps you know). At one time I wrote a lot about family and kids and how to find a simple, happy family life, but my focus has shifted. Sherri noticed this and has stepped up.

From the About page: What is Zen Family Habits? In two words: Simple Happiness.

In a few more words: Zen Family Habits is a celebration of all things family. It’s about living simply and with presence of mind. It’s about cultivating healthy, meaningful, relationships with loved ones. It’s about just having fun and enjoying life’s simple pleasures.

Zen Family Habits provides practical articles on: home and organizing, education and learning, fitness and nutrition, family, and simplicity.

Right now, there are some excellent posts on there from Sherri, and you should take a look around, but it’s just a start. Tomorrow I will write a post about minimalism with kids, and every week we will have some awesome contributors:

• Suzannah of Write It Sideways will write about education, always a must-read topic.
• Corey of Simple Marriage will talk about developing simple and happy relationships.
• Chris of Fit and Busy Dad will talk about getting fit and healthy with our busy family schedules.
• Baker of Man Vs. Debt will write about personal finance issues for families.

We’ll be writing about these topics and more — and of course we’d love to hear your suggestions for the sites and future posts!

Please take a look around, subscribe to the RSS feed (or via email), and feel free to follow us on our new Twitter account if you like!

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While I’m doing announcements, some other things you might be interested in:

• The Art of Manliness book is now out.
• So is Scott Young’s ebook, Think Outside the Cubicle (includes an audio interview with me).

“Our culture lies. They say they want to encourage and reward individuality and creativity, but in practice they try to hammer down the pointy parts, and shame off the different parts.” – Sandra Dodd

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

Going through the traditional school system (in California, Washington and Guam) was never my favorite thing as a kid, but as a parent, I’ve grown to realize that the whole system is upside down.

Not the system of any particular state or nation, but system of education as a concept.

Traditionally, schools use this model:

1. Decide on what kids need to know to prepare them for adulthood.
2. Prepare a curriculum based on this.
3. Give students a schedule based on this curriculum.
4. Have educated teachers hand them the info they need, and drill them in skills.
5. The student reads, memorizes the info, learns the skills, and becomes prepared.
6. Students must follow all rules or be punished. This is actually more important than the info and skills, although it’s never said that way.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a great model. Mostly because it’s based on the idea that there is a small group of people in authority, who will tell you what to do and what you need to know, and you must follow this obediently, like robots. And you must not think for yourself, or try to do what you want to do. This will be met with severe punishment.

This is ideal if you’re going to be a corporate employee, and need certain skills in order to work for the corporation — mostly skills of obedience, actually. This isn’t ideal for the workplace of the coming decade, when people are less likely to be employed by a large corporation, and more likely to work for themselves. And have to think for themselves. And figure out, for themselves, what they want to do. And learn new things for themselves, without a teacher.

Things are changing faster than ever before. Every month, new technology is announced that alters the way people work, or will work in the future, and we need to be able to learn and adapt to this ever-changing landscape.

How are we to do that, or how are our children to learn that, if they have no authority telling them what they need to know, or how to learn, or what to do?

People often grow up to be competent learners, and achieve great things, after going through the traditional school system. But this is in spite of the system, not because of it. We are pretty adaptable people, inherently curious, and we can learn without an authority, but the current school system tries to beat this down. It usually fails to some degree, but to the degree it succeeds, it harms people.

Schools fail not because they don’t impart knowledge or skills, but because they kill curiosity, smother excitement for learning, club down with a furious brutality our desires to be independent, to think for ourselves, to learn about things that actually interest us.

“I suppose it is because nearly all children go to school nowadays, and have things arranged for them, that they seem so forlornly unable to produce their own ideas.” - Agatha Christie

But Teachers are Great
Yes, I agree, they are. My wife was a middle school teacher, of English, and she worked tirelessly with her students’ interests at heart. She really wanted to teach them to love reading, and did everything in her power to do so. Unfortunately, she was frustrated by the authoritarian nature of school administration, and left. She now homeschools our kids, and is trying to give them the freedom to learn on their own.

My grandmother was a teacher for decades. My aunt is a teacher, first of elementary and middle schools, now of children in a juvenile detention center, and is wonderful at getting kids to love reading. My father is an artist teaching others to love art, and to do it well. I love teachers, and have the highest respect for them.

I just think they’re in a system that doesn’t work. That cannot work, given the nature of what the world has become.

How can we prepare children for a future we cannot foresee? How do we know what skills they will need, what knowledge will be important, in 10 years, or 15? We have no idea what the world will be like then. I sure don’t. Do you? Does anyone know how people will be working 15 years from now?

I submit this is impossible. And what’s more, it always has been impossible. The workplace now is vastly different than it was when I was a lad in shortpants three decades ago running around in the schoolyard, wiping snot from my nose and learning about the Cold War. People then didn’t have computers in the workplace, at least not most of them, and those who did have computers didn’t have anything resembling what we have today. Most people used electric typewriters, and fax machines weren’t in offices yet. Fax machines.

So yes, I love teachers, and think they are incredible at what they do. What I think they need to do, though, is not be teachers, but facilitators.

Don’t direct learning, because when students grow up they won’t be directed in their learning, they’ll be self-taught. Think about it: when you learn things today, as an adult, do you learn from a teacher, or do you learn things on your own? And isn’t learning on your own more fun? Don’t you love learning new things? Doesn’t that make the learning stick with you for longer than when you had to memorize things in school?

What we learn in school isn’t nearly as important as how we learn, because how to learn is the lesson of school.

“The founding fathers in their wisdom decided that children were an unnatural strain on their parents. So they provided jails called school, equipped with tortures called education.” - John Updike

How to Learn
And the way we’re taught to learn is as receivers of information, non-thinkers. Follow the rules. Read pages 100-132. Do the exercises. Memorize the information. Spit it out in a test. Do this project, because we tell you to, not because it’s fun or interesting.

The way we need to be taught to learn is completely different. It’s this: learn about what interests you, gets you curious, gets you excited. Figure out where to get the information you need. Read about it, talk to someone about it, find out about it. Try it. Do it, make mistakes. Figure out how to correct the mistakes. Figure out how to solve the problems you encounter. Repeat.

In other words, find problems that interest you, and figure out how to solve them.

Sometimes, you’ll have to solve problems that aren’t so interesting, just to solve problems that do interest you. That’s OK. That’s how things work.

And here’s a secret: we already know how to do this. From birth. This method of learning is innate in all of us. It’s built in.

When a toddler wants to do something, like get a stash of chocolate you’ve hidden on top of the fridge, he’ll figure it out. He’ll find ways to move a chair to the fridge, or climb up onto a counter near the fridge, in order to get the candy. Along the way he’ll learn a thing or two about cabinet doors and fridge doors and why you shouldn’t lean too far in one direction on a chair if you don’t want to fall and get bruises.

When a kid wants to play a video game, she’ll learn things like how to set up and turn on the PS3, how to navigate menus, how to get started with the game, how to convince mother that she’ll clean her room later and that her homework is pretty much all done so that she can play the game now.

Kids know how to solve problems, when they want to do something.

We don’t need to teach them to learn. We need to get out of their damn way.

And that’s the problem with schools. They can’t motivate kids to learn, because they’re forcing it. They’re trying to impart on them a rigid system of authority that kids naturally rebel against. In fact, this is the main problem kids face, and they come up with all kinds of incredibly creative ways to solve it, from skipping school and smoking pot to drawing incredible doodles in notebooks instead of listening to a history lecture to finding ingenius ways to communicate with peers, through technologies like texting and iPhones and through old technologies like passing notes and so on.

Creativity isn’t dead in our kids. It’s alive, but it’s being marshaled to beat the forces that are beating them down.

“No use to shout at them to pay attention. If the situations, the materials, the problems before the child do not interest him, his attention will slip off to what does interest him, and no amount of exhortation of threats will bring it back.” - John Holt

Turn Education on Its Head
So how to prepare our kids for tomorrow? Better people than I have written on this. Look up Unschooling — it’s already been invented, and it’s what I’d recommend.

It’s pretty much just getting out of the way of kids. Let them learn about what they want to learn about, and you know what? They’ll actually care about what they’re learning, because they chose it themselves. They’ll get excited about things, something schools usually fail to achieve.

They’ll learn how to deal with the delicious problem of freedom, a problem most kids don’t have these days. They’ll get some hands-on, down-and-dirty experience with autonomy, something they’ll have in spades as adults.

But what if they watch TV or play video games all day? What if they aren’t interested in math or science and never learn them? What if they’re totally unprepared for the workplace?

These are newbie questions in the world of unschooling, and I won’t answer them all here. You’ll have more, in the comments, I’m sure. I’m not the guy to answer those questions. Google unschooling and read up, because many smarter people have answered all your questions and more.

I’ll just say a couple things. One, we need to relax and not look at childhood as a time when every minute needs to be filled up with rigid rules and learning. It’s a time that should be enjoyed, and kids should play, and in playing they’ll learn. They’ll learn to play well and work well with each other. They’ll learn how to figure things out for themselves. They’ll learn to love the lovely freedom and its associates, autonomy and responsibility and choice and time management and, yes, passion.

Two, remember what we talked about above: we have no idea what the workplace of the future will be, so stop worrying about preparing them for that. In fact, stop worrying so much. Let kids learn how to learn, and learn how to be excited about things. That will prepare them for the future.

Three, also realize that we don’t need to be hands-off. We can be hands-on, if we’re facilitators instead of directors or dictators. We can help kids find things they’re interested in, expose them to worlds of fun (like science and math), teach them games that they might like, help them solve problems so they’ll learn how to do it on their own, guide them to resources and people who will give them mountains of information. Be there for them, as guides.

This is a huge topic, and one that I can’t adequately cover in one post. I’ll do another post sometime, talking about homeschooling and unschooling, and how we do it and how to make it work for you. But for today, I just wanted to throw out some thoughts on schooling, and get you riled up a bit perhaps. We could all use some good riling now and then, I think.

“To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves…and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.” - John Holt

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Please Help
Would you like to get a free copy of my next ebook (The Guide to Minimalism), a phone call with me, or some blog consulting from me? Get it cheap by helping out a good cause.

See: Do a Good Deed, Win Some Help from Leo

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” - C.G. Jung

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake, and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted when they are trying to educate their child from the womb, and expose them to the most intellectually stimulating music and art and literature before the kid can crawl. They obsess over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape and bruise. They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once, and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it if only to yourselves, I’d like to share some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned that some of these suggestions take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional methods — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on her own, and could possibly result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall. I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them. Instead of scolding or spanking or time outs or other controlling methods, try love. It’s a much better response, and you’re teaching your child through your actions rather than your words.

2. Make this your mantra: treat them with kindness, treat them with respect. Seems simple, but it’s surprising how little respect we give to kids, because they’re kids.

3. Drop your expectations of the child. Often parents have high hopes of the child doing well academically, or in sports, or of becoming a professional, when that’s not what the child wants. Or the parent hopes the child will be a certain type of person, and tries to steer the child toward that — a mild, kind child, or a bright, cheerful child, or a studious, hard-working child — but that’s not who the child is. Drop these expectations, and celebrate the child, as she is.

4. Let her play, let her explore. Stop being so overprotective. Allow the kid to be a kid. Let her run around outside, ride a bike, explore nature, play with fire. Teach her, of course, about safety and dangers, but let her be a kid.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes. Instead of saying no. Often parents have an instinct to say no. But this is controlling and stressful, to both child and parent. Stop trying to control the child, and give him some freedom. That doesn’t mean you can say yes all the time, because you have needs too, but it does mean you can say “Yes, we can do that … but perhaps later, when I’m done with what I have to do now.”

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way. Parents try to impart all kinds of knowledge on kids. So do schools. But kids learn naturally, without us. Get out of the way, stop trying to force the kid to learn what you think he needs to learn. Encourage him to explore, and read, and figure stuff out. Get him excited about things. When he’s excited about something, he’ll learn. When you force it on him, he’ll do what he’s forced to do, but not learn much other than you’re controlling.

7. Just focus on making the next interaction with them positive. Many of these changes are difficult to make for parents, as we have deeply ingrained habits, stemming from our own childhood. So just focus on the next interaction. Just try to make the next one a good one. Don’t worry about when you screw up — just apologize if you’ve broken a trust, and move on.

8. Take a moment to pause, and see things from your child’s perspective. If you get angry, it’s because you’re only seeing things from your perspective. The child has a completely different view of things, and if you can understand that view, you won’t be mad at the child. You’ll try to make things better for her.

9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need. Often it’s a need for freedom, or attention, or love, or to be in control of his own life. Figure out what that need is, and find a more productive way to meet it.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is. You don’t need to change him. You don’t need to mold him into the perfect person. He’s already perfect, just as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few, too impermanent. Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.

“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” - Red Buttons

Nature and nurture are in a never ending battle to claim the disposition of our children. While it’s true that the apple rarely tumbles too far from the tree, it is also true that there are a multitude of things we as parents can do to safeguard the childhoods of our children, limit their exposure to the more damaging elements the world will see fit to introduce in time, and do our best to raise a healthy and happy child.

We might not be able to help the variety of our branches, but we are the ones who control the nutrients in their soil and the sunlight in their sky.

In addition to the obvious things such as making sure your child is consuming the right nutrients, staying hydrated, and getting the quantity of sleep and exercise a growing body needs, here are 7 secrets that can help you raise a happy child.

1. Let your child know you are excited to see them when they enter the room. Let them see the light dance inside your eyes when their gaze drifts into yours. Be mindful of their presence by showing them your smile and greeting them warmly. Say their name out loud. Not only do children love to hear the sound of their name, they also long to feel validation from their loved ones. Think about it from an adult perspective – wouldn’t you love it if the face of the person you loved most lit like a holiday parade every time you entered the room? Your child loves you the most, imagine the returns after a childhood filled with such affection.

2. Teach your child it’s okay to be bored. As parents, it’s often our instinct to entertain our children each and every waking hour. When we don’t possess the time or energy, it is all too easy to allow the glowing blue babysitter in the living room to do the heavy lifting. But when we rely on television, or any other form of autopilot attention, we succeed only in limiting our child’s development. Children have vivid imaginations that flourish upon nurturing. But without the opportunity to coax their creativity, it will only whither on the vine. Allow your child idle minutes to develop their creativity with hands-on activities to stimulate their thought. A few sheets of paper and a box of crayons can keep a well rounded child busy for far longer than an episode of Dora.

3. Limit your child’s media. Related, but not limited to number two. Limiting your child’s exposure to media isn’t only a positive move for promoting their creativity, it is an excellent method to broaden their attention span while grooming their ability to stay calm. Your child will have plenty of exposure to more than you want soon enough. During those precious years when you are the designer of their decisions, you must make sure they are learning to live a life independent from the over-exposure that is often too easy to rely on. Yes it is difficult, but we owe it to the next generation to search for the right road rather than the easy one.

4. Let your child know they are more important than work by giving them eye contact and attention. Your child doesn’t just need you around, they need you present. Play with your child, interact with them, find out what is important to them by asking questions and listening to their answers. Your child deserves at least a little bit of you each and every day, at least a few minutes where you are not considering your email or allowing your thoughts to wander over what’s been left sitting on your desk. Letting your child know they are important is like giving them an insulin shot of happy.

5. Let your child make a few of the rules. You don’t have to make them the boss to let them feel empowered. Often, power struggles with our children are the direct result of them feeling a loss of control. You can easily curb these instances by allowing your child to feel like they are part of making up some of the protocol. By at least appearing to give your child some of the control, you are helping them understand household law inside and out. This will lead directly to a willingness to follow.

6. Teach your child – don’t assume it’s all happening outside the house. Home schooling is every parent’s job. Whether your child attends public or private school, or receives all their schooling at home, it is essential to the world’s best future that parents are the ones to fill in the blanks. There are plenty of skills not taught in school that play a massive role in determining who your children will grow up to be. Children are not raised in tupperware, and when they finally leave us to enter the world far away from our watchful eyes, they must have the sharpened tools that will help them be the best that they can be.

7. Model appropriate behavior. In my opinion, this is the most important item on the list. Children do as they see, not as they’re told. If you want your child to be mindful of others, you must be mindful of others yourself. If you want your child to by happy, you must smile without hesitation. There is no one more influential to your child than you. At least for now.

Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can and must be done.  Once you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, your efforts will be rewarded. You will have a healthy and happy child, fortunate to have been raised in a family where childhood wasn’t permitted to simply fade away.

Sean Platt is a diligent dad and creative blogger who also tweets.

What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?

What if we started being ruthlessly real? What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?

Our egos may shrink and squirm, afraid to face reality as it is; afraid to bypass all the pretense; afraid to confront the shear nakedness of authenticity.

But maybe if we could evade the grip of our ego-based fears, we could embrace unfiltered, unmediated reality.

Maybe, just then, we’d start to come alive.

When I speak of open, authentic honesty, I mean being truly connected to your higher self. Not the ego-dominated self, but your spirit, (or whatever word you’d like to use, the word is not important). When you’re tuned into this source that is bigger than your puny ego, your living from a state of unadulterated awareness.

When you’re acting from this state, you’re not thinking about whether what you’re doing is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate. You act completely naturally, unafraid to express yourself authentically and freely. You’re not afraid to tell someone how you really feel or ask for something you need. It’s from this place that you experience bliss, because there is no ego holding you back from it. There is no hesitation when the ego is not present.

So how do you get into this state of flow and uninhibited movement?

Here are the three simplest and most effective things you can to become more conscious, and in turn, more authentic.

• Practice mindfulness. This is the most important aspect of acting authentically. If you’re not being mindful, you lose awareness of your ability to determine whether you are acting reactively or if you are acting from your authentic Self. I have to admit, remaining in a position of persistent mindfulness is not an easy task. This is not something you will master in a day, a month or even a year. But you can practice, and the more you practice the more it will be easy to remain mindful. The way to practice mindfulness is to simply center your focus and attention on whatever you are presently doing or experiencing. Easy to describe, difficult to practice.
• Use reminders to help you stay mindful. There are a lot of mental triggers (or anchors, in NLP terms) you can create to prompt you to return to mindfulness. One great trigger is remembering to be mindful every time you see a red light at a stop light; or just every time you come to a stoplight, green, yellow or red. I have a bell on my bike that I ring when I’m riding to help remind me to be mindful. Another good and more permanent reminder is getting a tattoo somewhere you can easily see to make you mindful. If that’s not your thing, you could have a bracelet or ring that you’ve chosen as a sacred symbol to help remind you to be mindful.
• Practice daily meditation. There is no substitute for consistent, daily meditation in aiding your facility to remain present. The best thing about meditation is it also allows you time to actually listen to yourself. Most of the time, we’re constantly talking to ourselves and we never take the time to listen. During the practice of silent awareness, we have the opportunity to listen to our thoughts and feelings, and in doing so, we’ll be better equipped to remain mindful when we feel pulled into unconscious patterns. The most important thing to do is start small. Practice meditating for 5 or 10 minutes each day before you go to sleep or after you wake up. Don’t be hard on yourself if you feel your mind isn’t quieting fast enough, or if you think you’re not good at meditating. If you remain diligent, your mind will eventually get tired of listening to itself babble incessantly.

The more mindful we become, the more we increase our capacity for action that is stripped of pretense and duplicity.

When we’re completely authentic, we’re no longer afraid to speak and act in meaningful ways. We’re not afraid to tell someone how we truly feel. We don’t shirk when faced with the choice of either acting from integrity or slipping into cowardly ego-based decisions.

Maybe if we started saying the things we think but do not say, our lives would have more meaning.

I think then we could grasp what it means to really be free.

Maybe then we’d realize the true meaning of liberation.

As you progress through a marriage, or any committed relationship, routine is bound to dictate a lot of what happens. As the glitz and glamour of romance subside, daily schedules, obligations, kids, and chores take over.

Routine becomes such a factor in life that I’d be willing to bet you could accurately predict your spouse’s schedule of interaction with you throughout the week. And they could do the same with you.

Life is often lived predictably because when you get right down to it, you’d rather live life in your comfort zone than step out into the uncertainty of true life and relationship design. Change is scary. I get it. But change should not be debilitating. It pains me to say this, but many people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.

If you’d like to break out of the routine and change a few things in your relationship, it’s easier than you think. Here’s the secret ingredient: a touch of spice.

Start small. Break a few of the patterns and see what happens. I think you’ll be surprised at the results.

1. Change up the seating chart at meal times. If your family has sit down meals together, there is probably assigned seating that has evolved over the years. Dad sits here, mom there, and so on. Try sitting in a different seat.
2. Give up your chair in the living room. This same seating principle applies to TV watching furniture. I have a recliner that is assumed by my family to be mine. Give it up and sit on the couch or some other chair for a while.
3. Sleep on the other side of the bed. Same principle, perhaps a bit more closely guarded however. Try it. See what happens.
4. Assume different household responsibilities. You may be the one who takes out the trash, does the dishes, or laundry, puts toys away, or maybe all of the above. Try doing something you typically don’t do during the week. Mow the yard. Make the bed. Whatever. Just do something your spouse would usually take care of.
5. Ask your spouse out on a date. Actually call them up. Ask them out. Dress for a date. Show up at the front door. Bring flowers. Hold the door for them. Who knows where this idea could lead.
6. Have a good make out session. Not every physical connection must lead to sex. Spend some time making out with your spouse. Kiss each other slowly. Enjoy each other. For added spark, try this during a movie at the theater, or outside under a tree.
7. Talk about your unhappiness. I’m a big advocate for honesty. Too often we expect our spouse to read our mind or sense that there’s something wrong. Speak up. Tell them what’s going on with you. A word of caution however. Tell them what you’re feeling and thinking, not what’s wrong with them. Anyone who feels attacked will respond defensively and be less open to seeking solutions.
8. Initiate sex. Inevitably routine will creep into your sex life. It’s his responsibility to initiate sex. Or hers. It’s brought up the same way. Starts the same. Follows the same routine. Even ends the same. If you are the one who initiates sex the least, initiate more. If you’re the other side of the equation, slow down. More than likely, you both would enjoy better quality sex rather than simply more sex.
9. Try eyes open sex. Sex is the one time we can be closest to another person physically while staying miles apart mentally and emotionally. If you typically keeps your eyes closed while kissing, during foreplay, and during sex, open them up. Engage your lover throughout the encounter. Look them in the eye. Let them see you. Interested in more on this idea? Go here.

Read more about experiencing more in marriage and life in Corey’s new book A Simple Marriage, available today. Or head to Simple Marriage and read more.
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With the economy not doing so well, many people are looking for ways to save money and get on more solid financial ground.

And while it’s great to cut out little things, such as lattes and Gucci bags, what most people need are big savings. You know, thousands of dollars in savings, not $50 a month.

But you can’t slash your budget for items such as food, gas and utilities — while you can save some money in these areas, the savings are usually pretty small compared to some of the items below. So I’ve compiled a list of ways you can make big changes, at least for a little while — and who knows, maybe over the long term.

There will be some objections — from people who don’t think they can change their lives this much, or who don’t want to. That’s fine — I’m not saying these changes are for everyone. But I really do think we can live with less, and with the right mindset, you can find happiness right now, without needing to spend money. That’s the key — finding contentment while living with less.

1. Move to a smaller home. For many people, housing is the biggest expense in their budget. Thus it represents the biggest opportunity to save — if you live in a smaller, less costly home, you can save a lot of money in one fell swoop. Obviously this isn’t a change you can implement overnight, but it’s worth keeping your eye open for an opportunity to make the change. Start looking around for smaller homes, especially ones that are closer to the places you need to go, such as work, the grocery store, etc., so you can save on transportation costs as well. If you get rid of a lot of excess stuff, you don’t need as much space (see my decluttering tips: 1, 2, 3, 4). This change alone can save thousands each year.

2. Sell a car. If you have two (or more) vehicles, consider selling one of them to save money. Often we can get away with one vehicle if we carefully arrange our schedules. My wife and I (and our six kids) did this, and we are able to survive with one van. Sure, sometimes it would be cool to have two cars, but it’s not a necessity. Btw, we did this even when we were both working and all six kids had school, daycare, soccer practice and games, music lessons, and so on. Take any cash you get from selling your car and use it to pay off some of the loan for the car you keep — or use it to pay off higher interest debt.

3. Get a smaller, used car. Whether you already have only one car, or you decide you absolutely need two or more vehicles, you can downgrade your car so that it costs less. Sell your car, and look for a smaller, used model that runs well (preferably only 2-3 years old) and costs less than the one you own now. Again, potential savings of thousands each year.

4. Stop paying interest. Some people pay thousands of dollars in interest every year. I’m happy to say that I now pay zero in interest, after becoming debt-free last year. That’s not always possible for everyone, but this is a very big potential savings for most of us. The key is to stop getting into new debt, and to pay off your old debt as quickly as possible. Paying off my credit cards was the priority, but we also paid off our car loans and bought our last two vehicles on cash. Again, this is not for everyone, but I highly recommend it for those who can manage it.

5. Stop buying unnecessary items. This is a toughie, but if you’re really serious about saving, you’ll at least consider it. Try tracking your spending for a month, and next to each expense item mark the ones that are pure necessities: groceries, gas, utility bills, medicine, doctor’s visits, etc. The rest are unnecessary — clothes and shoes you didn’t really need, electronics, magazines, gourmet coffee, etc. If you stopped buying these things, at least for a little while, you’ll notice a pretty sizable savings.

6. Stop traveling. If you travel several times a year, or even just once a year, you could save thousands by not traveling. Before last year, I didn’t travel for 7 years, and it didn’t hurt me one bit. You can relax and take a break from work without having to leave home, if you learn to enjoy yourself from where you are. I’m not saying you should never travel again, but if income is dropping, you might consider a moratorium for a year or two. Each trip can cost thousands, depending on how far and long you travel, so this is a huge potential savings for some people.

7. Slash entertaining/entertainment. Many people do a lot of entertaining — parties with friends, family or co-workers — and those expenses can really add up. Stop entertaining so much, or at least save money by making them potluck or during non-meal times when you can get away with serving appetizers. Similarly, if you spend a lot of money going out to entertainment — movies, theater, dining out, drinking, clubbing, etc. — you can curb this habit and save a lot of money. Learn that you don’t need to spend money to have fun!

8. Cut out all subscriptions. Each little subscription you have is a small-ticket item — a magazine subscription could be $15-25 a year, for example, and subscribing to an online service might only be $5-20 a month. But if you subscribe to 3 magazines, and 4 online services, and cut out one of your cell phone plans or cable TV subscription (if you don’t need one of those services), you could save $1,000 a year. Some people have even more subscriptions and can save thousands. Not much compared to some of the items above, but worth considering.

What are your ideas for slashing a budget and saving lots of money? Share in the comments!
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The economy is in a shambles. The stock market’s down, unemployment’s up, and the housing market is still skidding sideways. The people I know are beginning to get nervous. They’re worried that the recession will turn worse, and that their personal finances will end up in ruins, too.

When it comes to money, the best defense is a good offense. The best way to avoid fallout from the national economy is to take control of your personal economy. By developing smart financial habits, you can remain calm even in the midst of a financial crisis. (Well, mostly calm, anyhow.)

Over the past three years, I’ve written a lot about money. Based on my experience (and feedback from my readers), here are ten essential money skills that can help you to weather the current financial storm.

Set up a budget
For many people, budgets are boring. But if you can plan where your spending will go, you’ll make better decisions with your money.

I’m not a fan of detailed budgets. They work for many people (and if they work for you, by all means use one!), but for myself I need a simple budget, one that focuses on the Big Picture. Over the past three years, I’ve found three such budgets that my readers tell me are truly effective.

• Andrew Tobias suggests a simple three-step budget: Destroy all of your credit cards. Invest 20% of all that you earn (and never touch it). Live on the remaining 80%, no matter what.
• Elizabeth Warren’s balanced money formula is outstanding. It’s the budget I use. Allocate 20% of your after-tax income for savings (or debt reduction), 50% for needs, and the remaining 30% for wants.
• If you crave a little more complexity, try the 60% solution from Richard Jenkins at MSN Money. He says spend 20% of your pre-tax income on savings (half for retirement, half for long-term savings or debt), 60% to committed expenses, 10% to irregular expenses, and 10% for fun.

You can set up a budget on a piece of paper, or in a spreadsheet, or with a piece of software (PearBudget, for example).

[For more info: How to build a better budget]

Track your spending
This single action can work wonders for your finances. You can’t change your habits if you don’t know where the money goes. You can track your spending with a simple notebook, but most people find a computer makes things easier. You can create your own spreadsheets, or you can try a piece of personal finance software like Quicken.

There are two great ways to track your spending online: Wesabe and Mint. Both applications are great, and both offer versions for you mobile devices: Wesabe Mobile and Mint for iPhone.

[For more info: How to track your spending]

Check your credit report
It’s important to obtain a copy of your credit report at regular intervals. The credit reporting agencies are not infallible, and neither are your creditors. People make mistakes, and mistakes on your credit report can cost you money.

It used to be difficult to check your credit reports, but not anymore. In the U.S., the Fair Credit Reporting Act requires each of the nationwide consumer reporting companies — Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion — to provide you with a free copy of your credit report, at your request, once every 12 months. To meet this obligation, they created AnnualCreditReport.com.

There is never a need to go through any other agency to obtain your credit report. This is an official, government-approved site. There are three ways to obtain your credit report:

• Order it online at AnnualCreditReport.com.
• Call 1-877-322-8228.
• Complete the Annual Credit Report Request Form and mail it to: Annual Credit Report Request Service, P.O. Box 105281, Atlanta, GA 30348-5281.

If you’d like, you can obtain reports from all three credit reporting agencies at once. Or, you can stagger your requests, possibly requesting one report every four months from a different agency.

You will need to provide some basic information, including your social security number, and you may need to provide some personal financial information. If you plan to check your report online, be wary of impostor sites. Be absolutely certain that you have reached AnnualCreditReport.com.

[For more info: How to obtain your free credit report]

Stop junk mail
Junk mail isn’t just annoying — it can pose a danger to your financial health. Credit card applications are ripe for identity theft, and other junk mail simply tempts you to spend where you ought not spend. You save money and simplify your life by turning off the flow of junk mail at the source. Here are three ways to stem the tide:

• OptOutPrescreen.com looks like it might be a phishing site at first. It’s not. It’s an official site established by the Consumer Credit Reporting Industry to allow consumers to opt-in or opt-out of credit offers. When you complete your request, you can elect to either opt out of credit card offers for five years, or you can opt out forever.
• OptOutPrescreen.com will stop the credit card offers, but wouldn’t it be nice to stem the flood of other junk mail? You can at least put a finger in the dike by visiting the Direct Marketing Association’s Mail Preference Service, which allows consumers to to remove their names from the junk-mail lists.
• Though junk mail is annoying, it’s nothing compared to telemarketers. Fortunately, there’s an easy way to deal with them, too. The U.S. Federal Trade Commission manages the National Do-Not-Call Registry. Once you sign up, telemarketers are required by law to leave you alone. If they don’t, you can file a complaint.
• Though I’ve never used it, my readers at Get Rich Slowly often recommend Catalog Choice, which allows you to eliminate unwanted catalogs you receive by mail. This is a free service.

What if this all sounds like too much work? A service called GreenDimes will do take care of some this for you. According to the company’s FAQ, “GreenDimes reduces credit offers, insurance offers, sweepstakes offers, coupon mailers, charitable solicitations and retail catalogs that your household receives.”

[For more info: How to stop junk mail in its tracks]

Optimize your bank accounts
The internet has been a boon to savvy savers. It’s now easy to find an online savings account that offers convenience — and good interest rates. But in many cases, you can actually find better rates in special rewards checking accounts at small local credit unions and savings banks. (Some of these rates are currently as high as 6%!) If you’re happy with your current bank, call them and ask them to eliminate service fees or to give you better interest rates.

If you’re unhappy with your bank, find a new one. Here are a few popular online banks, all of which offer high interest rates and FDIC insurance:

• HSBC Direct
• E*TRADE Bank
• FNBO Direct

[For more info: Which online high-yield savings account is best?]

Open an investment account
Especially given the current economy, it may seem scary to open an investment account. I’m not going to advise you whether you should invest in stocks or bonds — or neither. I’m not a financial expert. I will say, however, that it’s best to begin investing as early as possible.

Opening an investment account isn’t as scary as it may sound. And because of the magic of compound returns, making regular small investments now will pay off huge in twenty or thirty years. Consider scheduling automatic investments: have $100 (or $50 or $25) automatically deposited into a Roth IRA or your employer’s 401(k).

To learn more about automatic investing, borrow David Bach’s The Automatic Millionaire from the public library.

[For more information: What is a Roth IRA and why should you care?]

Call around for better deals
What are you paying for your credit card? Your cable? Your cell phone? You can probably find better deals elsewhere. Do some research. Did DirecTV just mail you a great offer? Did you get a zero-precent credit card mailer? Use this information as ammunition. Call your current service providers and ask if they can meet or beat the deals from their competitors. They may not, but it never hurts to ask. (My readers report about a 50-50 success rate with this tactic.)

If you want to play hardball, threaten to close your account. This is often very effective, but you have to be prepared to actually follow through with your threat. An hour or two spent calling utilities and credit card companies can free up cash now.

[For more information: Want to save money? Just ask!]

Educate yourself
Visit your public library and borrow one (and only one) personal finance book. (If you borrow more, you’re less likely to read any of them.) Take this book home and begin reading it. Which book should you choose? Any of the following are excellent starting points:

• Your Money or Your Life by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin
• The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
• The Millionaire Next Door by Thomas Stanley and William Danko
• The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need by Andrew Tobias
• The Wealthy Barber by David Chilton

Once you’ve finished your first personal finance book, you’ll have a better idea of the topics that interest you. Return it and check out one (and only one) new personal finance book. The public library is a fantastic resource for saving money.

[For more information: 25 of the best personal finance books]

Set financial goals
Goals are the fundamental building blocks of success, not just in personal finance, but in every area of life. Without goals, you are living reactively, letting life push you around. With goals, you can live a proactive life, steering toward a destination. When you have an end in mind, it’s easier to see when you’ve made a wrong turn. You know where your path is supposed to lead.

Here’s an excellent set of basic financial goals that you can build upon:

• Establish a $1000 emergency fund.
• Pay off credit card debt.
• Fully fund a Roth IRA each year.
• Save for major expenses: house, marriage, car, etc.

No matter the state of your personal finances, whether you’re wealthy or poor or somewhere in between, take time to set goals. State them in positive terms. Make them specific. Put a deadline on achieving them. Make them actionable. Write them down. Work a little toward them every day. (It’s much easier to achieve goals when you focus on the individual steps toward them.)

[For more information: The road to wealth is paved with goals]

Create a money file
The final This can be an actual file, or it can be a shoebox. It can even be an encrypted file on your hard drive. It simply needs to be an easy-to-access location in which you keep all of your important financial information, including account numbers, service providers, phone numbers, etc. This final step ties together all the work you’ve done on Money Day.

[For more information: Which financial records to keep (and how long to keep them)]

Previously at Zen Habits, J.D. has shared how to make the most out of luck in your career and life and how he paid off $35,000 in debt. You can follow J.D. on Twitter or visit his personal finance blog.
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