When I wrote about my family doing the No New Gifts Holiday Challenge, I received a couple comments that I was a Grinch:

You must be a drag to live with. ‘What kind of deprivation and sacrifice has Daddy got for us today?’

and

I couldn’t agree more lol, I’m sure kids see him as the Grinch, i feel sorry for them. I doubt his kids would be like ‘Yes dad, don’t buy me the latest Call of Duty game, i don’t want the 1% to get richer.’

While I was touched by the concern for my kids, I am not worried:

• My kids have plenty of video games and electronics (including the latest COD game). They earn money and buy them themselves, and learn that if they want something, they can earn it, and it’s not handed to them.
• My kids have everything they need and much more. If anything, they have too much, but I try not to force my minimalist philosophy on them.
• Instead of deprivation, my kids are learning that there is much more to Christmas than getting a bunch of presents. (More below.)
• They are learning to be creative instead of consuming. This lesson is more necessary today than ever.
• We are learning that spending time with family is more important than spending money or spending time shopping.
• Together we are creating new traditions based on creativity, fun, and giving, not just buying.
• We are thinking of ways to give that don’t necessarily involve shopping — making gifts, volunteering, donating to charity, etc.

The reaction of my kids when I talked to them (once again) about not buying presents? They completely understood my anti-consumerism reasoning, and they were excited to come up with new ideas. Honestly. I was really proud of them when I sat down with them (individually and in groups) and talked about these ideas — they didn’t look disappointed at all, they in fact happily thought of some cool things we could do together.

Some ideas they’re excited about doing this Christmas instead of buying new gifts:

1. Making our own gifts. My son Seth is really, really excited about making stuff. In fact, he wants to make something for himself and wrap it up to open on Christmas morning. Yes, he’s a bit weird, but I love that. Eva wants to sew gifts for people.
2. Baking gifts. We love baking, and it’s a fun activity to do together. And we can give cookies, cupcakes, brownies as gifts to family, make them fatter, but not clutter their homes with needless possessions.
3. Going to play in snow. We’re from Guam, so snow is a novelty for us. My kids know it from Christmas movies and the like, but it’s not a yearly tradition for us — so driving to play in snow is really fun. We love making snow people, snow forts, snow angels, and having snowball fights.
4. Volunteering. We’re not sure where we want to volunteer this year (in past years we’ve done soup kitchens and Salvation Army bell ringing), but we do like the idea of giving.
5. Christmas caroling. We aren’t good singers, but we love singing Christmas songs.
6. Playing games. We love, love board games and other such games. We love getting together with family and playing games and sports. Having fun with family doesn’t have to involve gifts.
7. Make decorations. It’s so much fun to put up festive decorations, and if you can make them yourselves, even better.

And this is just the start of the ideas we’ve come up with. Sure, buying gifts is a holiday tradition — but is it the only possible tradition? Can’t we create new ones?

My kids are not deprived. In fact, I think our family is very lucky, and I hope to show others that creativity, fun, giving, and family bonding are amazing things that you can do without being a participant in the usual consumerism.

I often get asked how I can do so much while having six kids.

My short answer, and all you really need to know, is my wife Eva is awesome. I couldn’t do half what I do without her.

She is the reason Zen Habits is able to exist. And so if you want parenting advice, you’d be smart to ask her.

She doesn’t, however, have a blog. And so I’ll share some things that we both do that make our jobs as parents easier.

These are Very Important Rules that must never be broken by any Serious Parent … until, of course, you want to break them. The first rule of Rules of Effortless Parenting is that you should always break rules.

Rules of Effortless Parenting

There is really only one rule: Love Them. But you already knew that one, so let’s get into details:

1. Teach kids to be self-sufficient. Our kids started by learning how to pick up after themselves (as 1 and 2 year olds), and later learned how to feed themselves breakfast, brush their teeth and shower and dress themselves, wash dishes and clean up in the kitchen, clean their rooms, do laundry, etc. Our jobs as parents became tons easier, but it does take a little patient teaching in the beginning of each skill.

2. Teach older kids to help with the younger kids. If you have multiple kids, this rule is golden. Our teens can help the little kids with anything. That makes our jobs a lot easier, and the older kids learn responsibility.

3. Teach them to solve problems. This is really the main job of unschooling, which is the philosophy we follow as homeschoolers. Our kids don’t learn facts or even skills. They learn to solve problems on their own. If they know how to do this, they can learn any facts or skills they need to solve their problems. Want to learn how to write a computer program? That’s just another problem that you need to learn how to solve. Want to cook Thai food, or write a blog, or start a business, or build something? Problems that you can solve.

4. Show them how to be passionate. The other main thing you teach unschoolers, besides solving their own problems, is how to be passionate about something. If they know this, they will do work they’re passionate about as adults. How do you teach them this? By modeling it yourself. By doing projects with them where you’re passionate about something. Kids learn an amazing amount by watching and mimicking.

5. Play with them outside, and be active. Spending time with your kids is one of the best ways to show them you love them. Playing with them is one of the best ways to spend time with them. Playing outside shows them how to be active and have fun being active. I also stay active on my own, but I make sure they know what I’m doing, why, and how much fun it is. They have a role model who is healthy and fit, and that will help them for the rest of their lives.

6. Don’t overschedule. Most parents schedule too many classes, sports, parties, activities. We give our kids lots of unstructured, unscheduled time. They have to figure out what to do with that time. That’s an important skill to learn. It also means their lives are less stressed out, as are ours, and they learn a slower pace of life.

7. Don’t dote. I’ve seen lots of parents that dote on everything their kids do, who are worried about every little thing their kid might touch or that might cause a fall. Back off, and give them some space. They need attention, but they also need some time alone to explore, to fall and get back up, to scrape their knees, to figure stuff out on their own. Go do something on your own, and leave your kids alone sometimes.

8. Dance. Because life without dance is dull and not worth living. Play loud music. Go crazy.

9. Read with them, and read in front of them. Kids love books, especially if you read them with them. Here are some of my favorites. If you are a reader yourself, and they see that, this will teach them to love reading too. Reading is one of the best loves you can instill in kids.

10. Be inquisitive. Ask questions about everything, and encourage them to do the same. Kids are naturally inquisitive … they can ask a million questions, because everything is new to them. Learn to see the world through their eyes — it’s amazing. Why the hell IS the sky blue? Why do leaves change color? How does a bird fly? These are brilliant questions, and you should explore them with the kids — don’t just give them answers, but show them how to find out.

Every time we automate a process in our lives, we trade a piece of consciousness away for a piece of convenience.

This can be fantastic, as long as we ensure that we automate positive, sustainable habits.

The problem with automation comes when we try to apply it to areas in our lives that need more consciousness.

We run into trouble when we try to solve a problem by automating it.

Automation itself doesn’t fix anything.

In fact, automating a undesirable process only buries the problem even further.

“Problems can’t be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.” -Albert Einstein.

We cannot solve problems by trading away consciousness.

We need to reverse this trend. We need unautomation.

Unautomation is the act of deliberately trading back pieces of convenience for increased consciousness in return.

In our financial lives, there are plenty of examples were we can benefit from unautomation:

• Creating a list of every item you own. While far from convenient, this will drastically increase the awareness of our clutter.
• Using a 30-day list for wants. Waiting 30 days to purchase an item can be a drag, but we’ll likely realize how little we really desired it in the first place.
• Tracking our spending with pen and paper. Carry a small pocketbook and record every purchase by hand rather than just on your plastic.
• Converting the cost of items into time we’ll need to work. This can be a tough exercise, but will put things in perspective quickly.
• Purging 2 items for every 1 you bring into your life. Yet another inconvenient (at times) rule-of-thumb that can raise awareness around just how much clutter we bring into our lives.
• Quit signing contracts. Until you’ve ever tried to quit signing them, you don’t realize how fundamental contracts are in our society.
• Spending with cash over plastic. Going without plastic isn’t easy, but you can’t get much more aware than we spending cold, hard cash.
• Taking public transportation. You may have to leave early or plan a little more in advance, but taking public transportation will open your eyes the other side of your daily commute.

These examples are only a handful of hundreds of money instances where we could benefit from a path of less convenience and more consciousness.

The next time you look to change a set of behaviors in your life, don’t turn to automation.

Start with unautomation.

My daughter Chloe is starting out in college in the fall, and with her newfound independence will come the newfound responsibilities of dealing with money.

Like many young people, she hates thinking about finances.

I was one of them. I always dreaded budgeting and paying bills and thinking about savings and retirement, and figured I could always deal with it later.

Problem with that is you end up screwing yourself if you put things off until later. Living for the moment is great, until the finances catch up with you and the moment starts to suck because you owe a ton of debt.

I’ve found that living mindfully means not just partying in the moment, but taking care of things now, when they’re small, rather than when they’re huge.

So with that in mind, I have a few lessons I’d like to emphasize for Chloe, and for anyone else starting out in college.

1. Spend less than you earn. OK, this is almost the only lesson you need, but it’s so important I’m going to break it down further. The biggest reason people get into financial problems is they spend money they don’t really have. Then you end up in the hole, and it’s hard to get out of the hole, and you work crazy hours to keep up with your spending, and you end up with a life that’s about nothing but trying to pay for all the spending on crap you don’t really need.

So spend less, work less, worry less, be happier.

1a. Don’t get into debt. If you spend less than you earn, you won’t be in debt, obviously. It’s easy, though, to get a student credit card and put things on there if you don’t have the money right now. You can pay for it next week when you get your check, right? That’s a slippery slope. Student loans are another tool for getting over your head in debt. They’re not the worst debt if you’re paying for a degree that’s going to earn a lot of money, but most of us English majors aren’t going to get an $80K per year job and shouldn’t take out $80K in student loans.

1b. Savings is your first bill to pay. If you spend less than you earn, save the rest. Make the savings an automatic payment that happens every payday, and make it the first and most important bill you pay. Not optional. You’ll be glad as the savings grows, and especially when emergencies come up.

1c. If you don’t have the money, go without. This is a lesson most people (young or old) forget. You don’t actually need a car, so if you can’t afford to pay cash, don’t get a loan. You don’t need nice clothes, or a smart phone, or a fancy laptop or iPad or Kindle, you don’t need to go to nice restaurants or the movies or bars. If you don’t have the money, find free ways to have fun or get things done you need to get done.

2. Make a very very simple budget. It’s a scary thing for people who’ve never done a budget, but it’s not hard. List your income, then list your bills (and savings). If the bills add up to more than the income, eliminate some bills. Use a simple spreadsheet to do the adding for you. This helps you to know what’s coming in and going out. I like the envelope system for making sure I don’t spend to much on variable expenses.

3. Pay bills right away. If you have the money, pay the bill as soon as it comes in. You can usually do this online, but if not, it’s just a matter of writing a check, putting it in an envelope, and writing out an address — two minutes. Do this two-minute action immediately, so you don’t have to worry about it later. If you let the bill-paying get pushed back, it becomes a dreaded thing, and your bills start to become overdue, and then it’s much worse.

That’s all you need to know. If you save when you’re in college, avoid debt (except perhaps a modest student loan), and pay bills on time, you’re golden.

For almost a year now, my wife Eva, my six kids and I have been walking and riding mass transit almost exclusively.

We have bikes but we’re still new to them, and we also use City Carshare for longer trips out of the city. But for everything else, it’s walking and mass transit — for meeting with people, going to restaurants and movies and museums and parks, for grocery shopping (we only buy what we can carry), farmer’s markets, fairs, visiting relatives, and more.

It’s been one of the best things ever for us.

We’ve adjusted from being car users when we were on Guam. I love walking tremendously (I can walk anywhere in the city), but I also love the mass transit … for the lessons it has taught my family.

Some of the lessons we’ve learned so far:

1. How to wait. Mass transit isn’t always on time (surprise!). But rather than look at that as a reason why riding buses and trains suck, we learn how to see that as an opportunity. My boys climb trees while I do pullups and (admittedly rudimentary) gymnastics from a low branch. We tell jokes and I swing the little kids around. We share things with each other, make each other laugh. It’s a good time.

2. How to walk. Mass transit doesn’t take you everywhere, so we walk more than most families. That’s a great thing. Even my little ones are in pretty good shape and rarely complain about walking. We deal with the weather, which is something most people don’t do, as they’re cut off from the world in their glass and metal boxes. Truthfully, we don’t always walk — we love to race each other up hills and be out of breath. It’s wonderful.

3. How to deal with humanity. We’re often shoulder-to-shoulder with strangers, which is something you never experience with a car. We deal with smells, with annoying people, with those who talk loudly, with the mentally challenged, with plain crazy people. In other words, with people. And this is a great thing. We learn that we come in all shapes and sizes, that life isn’t the perfect picket fences you see on TV, that the world is real … and that that’s OK. We’re learning to celebrate differences.

4. How to live sustainably. We haven’t cut our emissions to zero, but by the simple act of giving up a car, we’ve cut our use of resources and our emissions down more than most people will by recycling, buying less, using less heat, using less paper, etc. I’m not saying this to brag, or to judge others. I’m saying we’re learning, and while we have a lot to learn, I think we’re making progress.

5. That transit can be more convenient than cars. Sure, it’s nice to be able to hop in your car and go somewhere quickly, no matter the weather. That’s convenient. But there are inconveniences with cars that we forget about: the frustrations of parking (especially in San Francisco), traffic jams, rude drivers, car accidents, flat tires, car maintenance, having to stop for gas, having to actually drive instead of relaxing on the trip, sitting all the time instead of moving around, and more. Again, I’m not judging cars, but all of that, if you think about it, makes riding on a bus or train actually seem nice.

6. How to live frugally. My kids aren’t poor, but I want to teach them that there are good ways of living that don’t have to cost a lot. That spending money for conveniences isn’t necessarily a good thing. We shop at Goodwill, ride transit, cook in big batches, eat little meat (my wife and I eat none). We’re not the most thrifty ever, but we’re teaching the kids that it’s possible. (Read more.)

7. How to live with less control. When you have a car, you feel that things are under your control (forgetting about traffic, accidents and the like). But when you’re riding mass transit, things are not under your control. You’re at the mercy of the schedule, of drivers, of other people slowing the system down, of trains breaking down and backing the system up, and so on. You learn to let go of the illusion of control, and to deal with changes as they come. This is a miraculous lesson.

I haven’t written about finances in awhile, because these days I barely think about them.

That’s because for several years, I focused on getting out of debt — and these days, I live completely debt-free and worry little about finances. It’s a beautiful thing.

However, recently a reader asked me to write about Simple Budgeting, and so I thought I’d revisit the topic. I’ll talk about how I deal with finances these days, and then a Simple Budgeting method for those who aren’t exactly debt-free yet.

How I Deal with Finances

As I said, these days my finances barely register on my brain. Now that I’m out of debt, it’s not a major issue for me, and I’ve automated most of my finances.

Here’s what I do:

1. Income is streamed into my checking account automatically. My income is all electronic, so I never deal with checks. In a couple cases I’ve purposely set up electronic payments when previously I was sent checks.

2. Savings & investments are automatically taken from the checking. If it’s not automatic, I might forget about it. Forgetting about it is a good thing when it’s automatic though — I will check every few months and see how my savings and investments have grown.

3. I often make major payments all at once in the beginning of the year. Because I’ve been able to grow my savings account, now that I have zero debt payments, I have a good cushion so that I can pay things like rent or other major expenses all at once in the beginning of the year. This way I don’t worry about the payments each month, and I don’t spend money I might need for these payments.

4. Other bill payments are made automatically. If I don’t pay in one big lump sum, I’ll set up automatic monthly payments. I never worry about paying bills. I just make sure there is enough in my checking account at all times to cover the total amount of my bills.

5. I leave a cushion in the checking for unexpected expenses. And once the bills, savings and investments are taken care of, what’s left is basically groceries and other living expenses. I don’t spend all of what’s left, because other things will inevitably come up, and having a cushion means I don’t have to worry about these things. Building up a cushion took me time — after I eliminated debt, I just continued to spend little so that I could build up savings and a cushion in my checking account.

And that’s about it. I don’t budget anymore, because everything is automatic. I am not quite as frugal as I was when I was getting out of debt, but that’s the freedom of living debt-free — you don’t worry about that stuff as much.

Simple Budgeting

If you’re a bit lost when it comes to budgeting, it’s not that hard. You just need to sit down and do it, and not put it off. Here are the steps I’d recommend:

1. First make a few lists. Lists are easy. The lists you need: list all your monthly income amounts (estimate an average if you have irregular income); list all your mandatory payments (like rent, auto, power, groceries); list debt payments. See how much (if any) you have left over — if there isn’t much, see the next step.

2. Simplify. See what “mandatory” payments you can eliminate. This might take time, but many things are optional. For example, I eliminated cable TV, magazine subscriptions, a car payment (going from two cars to one), and more. Also, see what discretionary spending you can eliminate while you’re trying to reduce debt — Starbucks coffee, eating out a lot, buying magazines or comics, etc.

3. Make savings and debt payments first, each payday. Make that mandatory, even if they’re small at first ($50 each maybe). Try to increase them as you continue to simplify.

4. Make mandatory payments next. Rent, car, utilities, etc. Make them automatic if possible, but if not go online and pay them right away each payday.

5. What’s left over is spending cash. Maybe it’s for groceries, gas, and fun money (eating out, etc.). If you have difficulty not spending your grocery and gas money so that they last for two weeks, put the amounts you think you’ll need in separate envelopes — one for gas, one for groceries, one for fun money.

6. Long-term moves. Over the long term, you want to decrease and even eliminate debt, one debt at a time. This will free up a lot of your money. You also want to start saving for an emergency fund immediately, and build it up over time. This is crucial, as without even a small emergency fund you’ll never smooth out the bumps that inevitably come up. Increase income if possible while you’re getting out of debt. And when you’re out of debt, start investing in index mutual funds (Vanguard 500, for example) to grow your money over the long term.

Is your family stuck in a rut? Are you bored? Do you find yourself wondering how you got so far off track?

You’re not alone!

All families go through times like these occasionally. I know I would love to be able to push a pause button and just sit, regroup and get back on track.

While that’s not literally an option, life doesn’t come with a pause button, there are ways we can get back in touch with our families. With a bit of effort it is possible to get in sync, connect and move forward in a deliberate and meaningful way as a team.

I have a great family who I love dearly but that’s not to say we get off track from time to time. I want to share with you a few things we do occasionally to get back on the same page.

1. Have deep and meaningful conversations. After being with someone for months or years it’s easy to take them for granted. We assume we know them better than they know themselves. We consider ourselves experts on their likes and dislikes, their needs and wants. And I’m sure you know what they say about assuming. The thing is people change. Their tastes change. Their hopes and dreams evolve. Their outlook on life has likely changed significantly to what it was 15 years ago.

The simple act of sitting and talking about things that matter can do wonders to deepen the understanding we have for one another.

2. Be present. This probably isn’t the first time you’re hearing this on Zen Habits. When we’re distracted by cell phones, email, work, presentations, TV etc. it’s difficult to really appreciate what’s going on around you. Think about it – if you’re at work trying to have a conversation with your boss but he/she is constantly checking his/her email, phone messages and waving at everyone that walks past the window, how would you feel? Frustrated? Unimportant? Discounted?

You can only fully experience something and give someone your undivided attention when you don’t have the temptation to be somewhere other than where you are in that moment. Your family is no different.

3. Do something fun. Block out a chunk of time and do something fun with your entire family. Go for a walk, ride your bikes or go skating. Do something none of you have done before like rock-wall climbing, yoga or badminton. Team activities where you have to work together to succeed are great ways to promote trust, increase the sense of belonging and unite you as a team.

4. Plan for the future. Think as long term or short term. Maybe you want to plan your summer holidays or what you will do once you’re done school. Maybe you want to plan a little further out and think about retirement or early retirement if that’s in the cards. Planning together gives a sense of longevity to the relationship and gives you something to work towards together.

5. Invest in your family. Take the time to really put your family first. So many of us simply pay lip service to the phrase “family is my number one priority” yet very few of us actually live it. Investing a bit of time and energy in your family can tighten that core unit, make everyone feel safe and secure and raise happiness to levels you only imagined.

If you are ready to give your family a reboot, I would like to tell you about a program Leo and I will be offering through Zen Family Habits starting Thursday April 14. It’s called The Ultimate Family Bootcamp and it’s designed to help and inspire families of all shapes and sizes to regroup, reconnect, feel happier and move forward in their right direction.

This is a 10 week multi-media bootcamp with 10 modules discussing topics like creating your ideal family, getting on solid financial ground, time management for real people, organizing and decluttering, mastering the art of self-renewal and much more. These modules consist of a combination of weekly videos, articles, workbooks, printables as well as expert interviews.

If you would like more information please check out the course page here. Leo and I look forward to you joining us this April for a bootcamp – family style.

Sherri is the co-creator of the The Ultimate Family Bootcamp. Read more on family, parenting, organizing and simple happiness at their blog Zen Family Habits.

Relationships are easy.

You may have read or heard the opposite, that relationships are hard work. I used to believe that was true. Not anymore.

Relationships are easy.

I understand that making time for someone else or giving up some of the things you love or getting your own way create some struggles in life – but once again, relationships are easy.

Perhaps what people who believe relationships are hard work are actually referring to the difficulty of interacting and living with an immature, childish human.

Why would it be hard work to be in relationship with a mature, caring grown up?

Here’s a couple of other questions to ponder:

Why is it that we are sometimes nicer to strangers than we are to loved ones?

Shouldn’t marriage and relationships lighten our load, not add to our burden? Because if it were the latter, why in the world would any of us sign up for something like this?

Perhaps the problem is that many times we get bogged down in a lot of the unnecessary parts of relationships and lose focus on the essential parts. Or we lose sight of the fact that our significant other is a separate being who is capable of making their own decisions and charting their own path in life.

But this fact isn’t a bad thing at all as it frees you up to do the same! And it also frees you both to choose each other – not feel like you’re stuck in a monotonous existence together.

Why relationships are easy

It all boils down to how you view what goes on within your relationships, specifically your significant ones.

First and foremost, marriage is designed to help you grow up. It’s not about happiness. It’s not about becoming more complete, despite what Hollywood and popular press would like you to believe. Marriage is about growing. Happiness will accompany you at times along the way, but it’s not the ultimate goal.

And second: your growth – your responsibility; your spouse’s – theirs. When you keep this in mind you realize that all you can control in a relationship is yourself.

Many times couples have sought my help in working on their marriage. They come in thinking their relationship is an outside entity that can be fixed. The problem with this is they’ve got it backwards – the relationship is working on them! That’s the way relationships are designed.

When you acknowledge this and live accordingly, relationships are easy.

Here’s how.

How many times has something about your spouse’s behavior driven you crazy? Or how many heated discussions have come from your differences in beliefs?

The best way to combat this is found in this phrase: Rather than trying to adjust the wind, adjust your sails.

Focus on what you can control – and this begins and ends with you!

Simplify things in life so you can savor more of the goodness. This same idea can be applied to relationships.

And it starts by slowing down.

Do you have trouble remembering names when meeting someone new? Do you know why? Most of the time you’re too busy talking or thinking about what to say that you don’t even hear their name.

This happens in regular conversations as well. You’re busy or rushed thinking about something else and you miss the goodness of the moment with your spouse, or kids, or friends.

Slow down. Let their be pauses in the conversation while you think and respond. There doesn’t have to be a banter or speedy exchange of ideas in conversation.

Breathe. Listen. Breathe. Connect.

This will open you both up to more with each other.

Leo’s favorite guide works for most every aspect of relationships as well: “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

Just think how much better everything, and I mean everything (wink wink), will be when you follow this guide in your relationship?

Read more from Corey at his blog, Simple Marriage, or subscribe to his feed.

I’m a big subscriber to using whatever you can find to work out: pullups on trees, throw big boulders, flip logs or big tires, jump over things, sprint up hills (see Minimalist Fitness, part 1 & part 2).

As a parent and a minimalist, I’d like to share my ultimate minimalist workout secret: my kids are my gym.

Fellow parents, if you’re not doing this yet, I can’t recommend it highly enough. How are they my gym? Instead of paying hundreds of dollars (even thousands) a year for a gym, I use my kids to get in shape.

How? Every way I can, but here’s a few:

• I carry them on my shoulders as we walk around town.
• We race each other to the corner, sprinting. Often up hills.
• I do pushups with them on my back.
• I lift them up in the air — it’s like lifting weights.
• I’ll let them hang on me as I do chinups.
• We climb and jump around in the playground.
• We play with the soccer ball — getting lots of sprints in as we do.
• We jump around in the ocean. A great workout.
• We wrestle.
• We challenge each other to do pistols (one-legged squats) or handstand pushups (what they sound like). Mostly we can’t, but it’s fun.
• We do lunges while walking up a hill.
• I carry them slung across my shoulders — a fireman’s carry — which is a great workout btw.
• I’ll carry one on my back, piggy-back style, while racing another kid up a hill. Yes, I love hills.

Awesomer than a gym

So why is this so awesome?

1. We bond. Instead of spending time away from the kids at a gym, I spend time with them. And get a great workout in throughout the day. It’s two birds, one stone, saving time while helping me bond with my kids.

2. Work becomes play. It’s not exercise, it’s not a workout, it’s *play*. And that’s a whole different ballgame. Play is fun, it’s challenging, it’s easy, and yet it’s a great way to get in shape.

3. No cost. OK, kids aren’t cheap — but I have them anyway, so why not use them? I’m saving money and getting fit — that’s all kinds of win.

4. I’m being a role model. Kid learn most of all from what they see others doing, especially their parents. You can tell them things all day long, but unless they see you doing it, you’re not teaching them much. When we go to the gym, they don’t see us working out. When we workout as we play with them, they’re learning how to be healthy, and that is a gift that will last a lifetime.

5. It’s a lifestyle. I don’t work out at one time during the day, and then stay sedentary the rest of the day. It’s all throughout the day, every day, which means it’s woven into my life, not a small segment of my life. This is what a healthy lifestyle looks like.

6. It’s functional. When you do a bicep curl with a dumbbell, you’re making a motion that you never would do in real life — when have you ever lifted something heavy while keeping your upper arm fixed to your torso? Instead, when we lift heavy things, we bend at the knees, and use our legs, our torso, our shoulders, our arms — basically most of our body at once. When I lift my kids, that’s the same motion I’d use to lift anything else. Functional exercise is much more useful than isolated lifts.

Working out using my kids as equipment is the best thing I’ve done with my fitness. It’s fun, so I never want to stop. It’s functional, it’s cheap, and best of all, I get to do it with my kids. I love it.
—
ze Tweets

‘The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet.’ ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Post written by Leo Babauta.

This past summer, my family (my wife, me, six kids) finally gave up our car. It was a liberating and scary experience.

We’ve been dependent on our automobile for so many years that giving it up was unthinkable. If you own a car, it’s probably unthinkable to you too.

We drove everywhere: to and from school and work, to music lessons and recitals, to soccer practice and all-day-long games at the soccer field, to family events (which were numerous), to grocery stores and malls and restaurants and movie theaters and bookstores and beauty salons (not for me, I’m bald … er, shaven), to pay bills and run errands, to go to the beach and the parks. To do anything.

How could we get rid of our car?

Going car-lite

For the last few years, we’ve been weaning ourselves slowly from the car (actually a van in our case). We went car-lite, gradually, and if you’re considering these issues this is what I’d recommend for most families.

First, we sold our second vehicle and learned to make it work with one. At one point my wife quit her job and began homeschooling our kids, which was great because they had their mom home all the time — something most kids don’t get. Later I was able to quit my day job and worked from home, reducing our car trips by a lot. Then we moved closer to town, so we could walk and bike more — everything was within walking distance, including the grocery store, beauty salon, post office, beach, movie theater, restaurants, coffee shops and more. Only family and soccer were further away. We used the car very little.

Finally, we moved to San Francisco, and its great public transit was a big factor. We were giving up our car! Note: While many other cities/towns are not as transit-friendly, tons of people have gone car-free in them — walking and cycling and car-sharing are all great options.

Our car-free life

We sold our van (yay!) and didn’t buy a vehicle here in San Francisco. A few times we’ve rented or borrowed a car, and boy, it really reminds me how lucky we are to be without one. It’s such a hassle to drive, to find parking, to get a parking ticket (which I’ve done), to retrieve your car when its towed (yes, that happened, and yes it was dumb of me), to try to find places when you’re driving, pay tolls and pay for parking, to get stuck in rush hour … and so on.

We ride buses and trains and walk. We’re getting bikes soon, but we decided to do one step at a time. We walk a lot! We purposely picked a home that was a block away from the train stop and has bus lines that are within feet of our front door. We can get anywhere in this city easily.

I often walk aimlessly, just to explore the city. I take Eva and the kids on walks to show them new places that we would never have seen with a car. It’s the best way to discover the joys of a new place — cars isolate you and speed you by the best bits.

Buses often have very weird people in it, who yell things or smell or dress funny. I love that. It’s something my kids have never been exposed to, and now they’re getting an up-close education. They’re never in danger, but now they see so much more of the world than they ever did while isolated in a car. They come shoulder-to-shoulder with humanity in crowded buses, they talk to their neighbors, they smile at people and make others smile.

We are healthier than ever. Walking is amazing. It costs nothing, and yet you get fresh air, see people, see nature, see stores and restaurants and houses and plants you never would have in a car. You get in great shape. My little four-year-old can walk for miles, and sing while doing it. She runs up hills. Granted, sometimes I carry her on my shoulders when she gets tired, but that’s good exercise for me. We’re also safer than ever — buses are the safest way to travel on American roads.

We spend so much less on transportation. Cars are extremely expensive — not only for the car payments themselves, but for fuel, oil changes, insurance, registration fees, parking costs, tickets, inevitable repairs, the cost of the space to park the car overnight (garages aren’t free space), cleaning the car, and health costs (they’re unhealthy). When you have so many expenses, you have to work more to pay for those expenses. Cutting them out means I work less, and that’s a wonderful thing for me and my family.

I have to give immense credit to my wife, Eva, for being so great during our car-free experiment. Lots of spouses would complain — Eva has embraced and enjoyed the journey. My kids, too, have been great — instead of complaining, they’ve had fun with me, playing games, singing, exploring, racing. It’s been a great journey as a family, and I’m glad we’ve embarked upon it.

Limitations are actually strengths

People think of giving up their cars, and they immediately think of the reasons they can’t — the limitations. But I’ve come to realize these are actually strengths. Consider.

1. Takes longer. Yes, it sometimes take longer to get places — maybe 20 minutes instead of 10-15, or 45 minutes instead of 25-30. But that’s OK, because cars (while faster) are also more stressful. Driving in traffic is stressful. So we go places slower, which is less stressful, more fun. I like a slower life.

2. The weather. Sometimes the weather isn’t great — but truthfully, I enjoy getting soaked in the rain. My little ones don’t mind either — they love stomping in mud puddles. We are so used to being in our metal-and-glass boxes that we forget how wonderful the rain is. And when the weather is good, cars isolate you from that. You don’t get to feel the sun on your shoulders, the wind in your face, the fresh smell of licorice when you pass a certain plant, see the squirrels dart past or the ducks mock you with their quack.

3. Convenience. Sure, buses can be inconvenient — sometimes they’re late and you wait and you’re late. But think about the inconveniences of cars we often forget: parking, getting stuck in traffic, getting cut off from other people, paying tolls, paying for parking, parking tickets, speeding tickets, cars breaking down in the highway, car repairs, oil changes, stopping for gas, car insurance, washing the car, the dangers of car accidents (car crashes are the leading killer of American children), the unhealthiness of it for your kids, making a wrong turn and trying to get back on your route, the expense of a car and having to work more just to pay for it, the cost of health care because cars are unhealthier for you and your family and having to work more just to pay for that, just to name a few.

When you look at it like that, considering all the inconveniences of the various forms of transportation, cars don’t necessarily come out ahead in convenience.

4. Groceries. We walk to the grocery store — it’s one block away. We can’t carry as much as we can with the car, so we make more frequent trips. That’s not a weakness, it’s a strength. That means we walk more. Actually, going to the store is uphill, so I sprint uphill. It’s a lot of fun and great exercise.

5. Doing stuff that’s not close. It’s easier to get in the car and go to places, while walking or riding transit takes time and sometimes planning. So yes, you’re a bit more limited. I don’t see that as bad, once you accept this — it means you do less, which is simpler and less stressful. It means you only go places that are far if they’re important. It means you explore ways to have fun near your home. Cars encourage us to take more trips, which pollute more, cause us to be busier, use up more time and money and natural resources. Slowing down and taking fewer trips is better for us, our health, our environment.

‘Life is too short for traffic.’ ~Dan Bellack

Good reads on this:

• Rowdy Kittens: A moral imperative to drive less
• Rowdy Kittens: From car-heavy to car-lite in only 500 miles
• Carfree with Kids: Surprising benefits from being car free
• Grist: Why public transportation is good for kids
• Huffington Post: On becoming a car-free family
• Boston Globe: Auto traders
• New Urban Habitat: Confessions from the car-free life

—
el Tweeto