Photo courtesy of tostadophoto. How to Stop Acting Like Such a Big Baby
“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.” —Dale Carnegie
Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter.
If we really want to be happy, why do we act like such babies?
We can claim to be proactive in our life by settings goals and going after what we want. But if we’re always whining and complaining all the time, are we really living effectively?
If you don’t believe me, count how many times you complain about something or other in one day. Whether it be being stuck in traffic, being bothered by the weather, not enough mustard on your sandwich, or whatever it is, there are endless instances where you can find a reason to complain.
But it’s not just outside circumstances that we complain about. We complain about about ourselves too. We complain that we don’t have enough time, we don’t have enough money (this one is huge because it’s often “true”), that we’re not smart enough, cool enough, or just enough.
I know I’ve experienced plenty of unpleasantness due to complaining about things I can’t control. I never really thought about it much until I found this website about “living in a complain free world.”
Imagine how much happier you would be if you simply stopped complaining? Much of what you complain about is outside of your control anyway. What’s the point of brooding about something you have no power to change? Not very intelligent, if you ask me.
Simply becoming conscious of how much you complain is the first step to stopping. When you recognize that you’re complaining, stop and take notice of it. Ask yourself if you would rather complain, or be happy.
Are you ready to live a complaint-free, happier life?
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Finding happiness can be pretty simple. All the Advice on Happiness You’ll Ever Need in One Post
Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.
If there’s an underlying theme throughout Zen Habits, besides simplifying your life, it’s finding happiness.
I’ve written dozens of articles on different ways to be happy, but it all boils down to one thing: be happy now — don’t wait for it.
Still, for those who want more depth, I’ve compiled a couple dozen of my favorite happiness articles from the archives. I hope you enjoy them! (If not, you’ve missed the point.)
- 18 Practical Tips for Living the Golden Rule
- Feeling Down? 7 Ways to Pick Yourself Back Up
- Savor the Little Things
- Peaceful Simplicity: How to Live a Life of Contentment
- The Art of Doing Nothing
- Calm as a Monk: How Equanimity Can Save Your Sanity
- A Guide to Escaping Materialism and Finding Happiness
- Why Living a Life of Gratitude Can Make You Happy
- A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life, With 7 Practices
- 75 Simple Pleasures to Brighten Your Day
- How to Accept Criticism with Grace and Appreciation
- A Simple Method to Avoid Being Judgmental (yes, that means you!)
- How to ‘Let It Be’ When You’re Upset Get all the goodness »
Slow down and enjoy life. The 10 Essential Rules for Slowing Down and Enjoying Life More
Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.
It’s an irony of our modern lives that while technology is continually invented that saves us time, we use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.
Life moves at such a fast pace that it seems to pass us by before we can really enjoy it.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way. Let’s rebel against a hectic lifestyle and slow down to enjoy life.
A slower-paced life means making time to enjoy your mornings, instead of rushing off to work in a frenzy. It means taking time to enjoy whatever you’re doing, to appreciate the outdoors, to actually focus on whoever you’re talking to or spending time with — instead of always being connected to a Blackberry or iPhone or laptop, instead of always thinking about work tasks and emails. It means single-tasking rather than switching between a multitude of tasks and focusing on none of them.
Slowing down is a conscious choice, and not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness.
Here’s how to do it.
1. Do less. It’s hard to slow down when you are trying to do a million things. Instead, make the conscious choice to do less. Focus on what’s really important, what really needs to be done, and let go of the rest. Put space between tasks and appointments, so you can move through your days at a more leisurely pace. Read more.
2. Be present. It’s not enough to just slow down — you need to actually be mindful of whatever you’re doing at the moment. That means, when you find yourself thinking about something you need to do, or something that’s already happened, or something that might happen … gently bring yourself back to the present moment. Focus on what’s going on right now. On your actions, on your environment, on others around you. This takes practice but is essential.
Take a deep breath, and focus. 6 Amazing Techniques to Staying Happy During a Stressful Project
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Karl Staib of Work Happy Now!
Most of our work happiness comes from our relationship with ourselves. For example, I’m working on a program to help people work happier. As I’m putting all the research together, writing each section and making it all coherent, I hit walls that stall my progress.
A few months ago I actually flopped on the floor, let out a loud groan and died from exhaustion. Luckily, my wife was home, sprinkled some magic kisses upon me and I came back to life. :) My creativity was stalled by my own thoughts of inadequacy, fear, and anger. The person from whom I needed the most encouragement was myself, and I was being my own worst enemy.
I analyzed the internal problems I was having and their effect on my work. Each one represents a weakness of mine. I will show you how I deal with each one and how I’ve learned to use my weaknesses to my advantage.
1. Stay Focused on One Project at a Time
Most of the time, I have several things that I am trying to do at once. I could be writing an email and at the same time I am thinking about an upcoming meeting. This split distraction puts strain on my focus and affects the quality of my work.
I’ve noticed that my attention darts from thought to thought because there is no looming deadline. I’m not forced to produce. So when I need to focus, I set a timer to create a little stress. Stress can be good when it brings focus to a person’s life.
Depending on the task, I may set the timer for 30 minutes and try to knock the work out in that time frame. If I need more time, I let the timer beep at me and then I reset it for the appropriate amount of time. This allows me to focus on this one task without letting my ADD distract me.
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Photo courtesy of apesara. Things We Think About But Do Not Say
Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter.
What would happen if we started being honest with ourselves about what we really want?
What if we started being ruthlessly real? What if we actually said the things that we think about, but are afraid to say?
Our egos may shrink and squirm, afraid to face reality as it is; afraid to bypass all the pretense; afraid to confront the shear nakedness of authenticity.
But maybe if we could evade the grip of our ego-based fears, we could embrace unfiltered, unmediated reality.
Maybe, just then, we’d start to come alive.
When I speak of open, authentic honesty, I mean being truly connected to your higher self. Not the ego-dominated self, but your spirit, (or whatever word you’d like to use, the word is not important). When you’re tuned into this source that is bigger than your puny ego, your living from a state of unadulterated awareness.
When you’re acting from this state, you’re not thinking about whether what you’re doing is right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate. You act completely naturally, unafraid to express yourself authentically and freely. You’re not afraid to tell someone how you really feel or ask for something you need. It’s from this place that you experience bliss, because there is no ego holding you back from it. There is no hesitation when the ego is not present.
So how do you get into this state of flow and uninhibited movement?
Here are the three simplest and most effective things you can to become more conscious, and in turn, more authentic.
Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Steve of Freedom Education.
I come from an Italian background. Both my parents were born in Italy.
When I was growing up we didn’t say the words “I love you.” It wasn’t normal in our family to do that. This wasn’t good or bad, right or wrong, it’s just the way it was. We just didn’t say those words and express ourselves verbally. We expressed ourselves in other ways that were non-verbal.
My dad and I used to have these conversations. And in these conversations my dad thought he was right and I thought I was right. We both thought we were right.
You see, this was a real big problem. Here you have two grown men who think they’re both right, which means nobody is listening.
When I played hockey when I was younger I heard my dad point out all the mistakes I made. I always heard the corrections I could have made, but I never heard him say how great I was doing or how proud he was of me.
It doesn’t mean he didn’t say those things, I just never listened to him that way.
In March 2006 I participated in the Landmark Forum. It’s a Saturday and I phone my dad. I’m at the course and I’m really nervous to speak with him. I was scared. So I get on the phone and my mom answers:
Mom: “Hi Steve, how are you?”
Steve: “Oh, hey mom. (huge relief ) I was calling to speak with dad, but I guess he isn’t around.”
Dad: (on another line) “Hey Steve, it’s your dad. What’s up?”
Steve: (sweating like crazy) “Oh, hey dad. Well, there is something I wanted to tell you
… (long pause) …
Steve: I just realized that it must have been really tough for you and mom to raise me when you were young. I mean, you were in your early 20’s and you had so much responsibility. It must have been hard. I just wanted to tell you that you did a great job raising me and that I’m responsible for raising myself from now on. I also wanted to let you know that I care for you and that I love you very much.”
Dad: “Well, your mom and I want you to know that we are really proud of you and your brother.”
Let go and feel the peace. Photo from iStockPhoto. How to Let Go and Forgive
Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.
We’ve all been hurt by another person at some time or another — we were treated badly, trust was broken, hearts were hurt.
And while this pain is normal, sometimes that pain lingers for too long. We relive the pain over and over, and have a hard time letting go.
This causes problems. It not only causes us to be unhappy, but can strain or ruin relationships, distract us from work and family and other important things, make us reluctant to open up to new things and people. We get trapped in a cycle of anger and hurt, and miss out on the beauty of life as it happens.
We need to learn to let go. We need to be able to forgive, so we can move on and be happy.
Photo courtesy of snappybex. Cut the Cubicle Umbilical Cord: The Seven Traits of the Free Man
Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter.
If you want to wake up happy on a daily basis, you have to own your own time. You have to be the one that dictates what you do and when you do it. Otherwise, you’re at the mercy of your owner boss.
You may think that you should be grateful for your job, and you should. But when it comes down to it, you’re not going to hit a ceiling of happiness and purpose if you’re not working for yourself. (I know there may be a few exceptions, but let’s be honest, they are exceptions.)
There’s no getting around this.
Don't tip over. Photo from iStockPhoto. The One Tool You Need to Lead a Balanced Life
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Haider Al-Mosawi of Personal Growth Map.
Leading a balanced life is commonly seen as the light at the end of the tunnel. We convince ourselves that once we have our work under control, we can then make time for family, health and hobbies.
But let’s take a look at an approach to life and personal growth that will allow you to start leading a balanced life today. Get all the goodness »
Photo courtesy of the half-blood prince. Put Things Off and Stop Caring to Realize Your Dreams
Article by Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead; follow him on twitter.
Caring is supposed to be a good thing, yet, it can become unhealthy and have an adverse effect on our lives.
When we care too much, we become obsessive and it often leads to dysfunction.
There are definitely times where passion fuels our desire to act. Working towards change, being involved in a social movement, and contributing in a meaningful way to others are all examples of this. But it’s the not caring about things that don’t matter that allows you to focus your attention on these big, important things. It’s the lack of out-of-control caring that brings more levity into your life. Get all the goodness »
