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Removing Negative Thought: Tips To Overcome and Step Outside of Your Comfort Zone

This is a guest post from Mark Hayward of the Culebra Blog.

I usually strive to be an eternal optimist; however, for some reason one of my long-term life goals has remained uncompleted and it is surrounded by my own self-doubt and negative thoughts. Unfortunately, these contemplations are holding me back from following through with potentially one of my most important aspirations.

Ever since my wife and I left the Peace Corps in 1999 I have had the ambition to create and start an online humanitarian aid agency that will help to support orphan refugees who have been displaced due to genocide, or military conflict within their country. Honestly, I have contemplated this project a lot. Through my thought processes I have created a rough agency structure, laid out some of the website, and even wrote down the names of people that I would like to have on the advisory board.

However, for some strange reason, unusual feelings of “How can I do that?” and “You must be crazy!” start to creep in whenever I try to make some headway or further progress. I always return to the same list of negative thoughts that are holding me back and keeping me from going forward. Quite honestly, they are rendering me unconstructive and unproductive. Read more »

Posted on 31 October 2007 in Happiness, Motivation |
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How to Stick to Your Goals When Life Disrupts ‘Em

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean

Have you ever been doing great with a goal or habit change — exercise, waking early, becoming organized, eating healthy, anything — and your progress was completely disrupted because of some major event in your life (death, marriage, illness, work, etc.)?

Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.

Life gets in the way.

Fortunately, although we often give up our goals when something like this happens, a life event that disrupts your progress doesn’t have to sidetrack your goal completely. You can overcome this obstacle — and it is an obstacle, just like any other. Read more »

Posted on 29 October 2007 in Goals, Motivation |
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Join the Zen Habits October Challenge!

It’s a day late, but I’ve started the October Challenge on the Zen Habits forums. The purpose of these monthly challenges is to form a new habit in 30 days by doing them daily and reporting to the group of fellow challengers.

If you report daily, it actually works. I can attest to it, as can past challengers.

Go there to sign up!

The only rules:

1. Choose only 1 habit. You might want to do more than 1, but it’s pretty difficult.
2. Make it easy — you want to be able to accomplish it. Don’t make it too challenging.
3. Report daily, or as often as you can. Accountability is what makes this work.

That said, I’m going to try to participate this month. I didn’t do it the last couple of months, but I have a new challenge for myself:

Stick to my meal plan each day (I’ve created a 2000-calorie meal plan) except a couple cheat meals a week … and continue my daily habit of exercise.

What’s your challenge! Sign up everyone!

Posted on 1 October 2007 in Habits, Motivation |
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Discipline is an illusion; Motivate yourself instead

Reader Kamal posted a great question in response to my call for topic suggestions:

“I think discipline would be a good topic, as much of what you talk about requires a certain amount of it.

The Army was good for teaching me discipline, but I realized that in the end, it comes from within.

But still, like most things, it is a habit that one can work on over time.

Would love to hear your thoughts and experience on the subject.”

Let me start with the conclusion first: if you think you don’t have discipline, you don’t need it. What you need is to commit to your goal or habit and fully motivate yourself. Read on for more.

I think that most of us believe that discipline is something you either have or don’t have — some believe you are born with it, and some, like Kamal, believe it is something you can develop as a habit. But what exactly is it we’re talking about when we say the word “discipline”?

If I wake up early every morning to run, do I have discipline? Most people would say that I do. But, as someone who regularly wakes up early, and who runs frequently (not every day), I can testify that I for one do not have discipline. I am anything but disciplined, and never have been.

So how do I explain my ability to wake up early, and to run on a regular basis? Simple: I have adequate and varied motivation. I get up every morning, not out of discipline, but because I really want to — and have tricked myself into doing it. I get out the door and go for a run not because I’m super disciplined, but because I really want to.

Let’s take the example of someone in the military — the typical example of someone with discipline. Let’s say Sgt. Lamar is a tough Army man. He wakes up very early every day, goes through a strict morning routine, runs and does his pushups and situps, eats a moderate diet and keeps his clothes and living area spotless. He’s the epitome of discipline.

But I say he has motivation instead. Review the Top 20 Motivation Hacks for some of the reasons why:

Sgt. Lamar has signed up for the Army and all that that entails. He is a full-time military man, and everyone he knows is aware of this. He has fully committed himself to living a life of discipline, meaning he’s fully committed to all the habits of the Army: waking early, exercise, cleanliness, orderliness, etc. That’s the No. 2 of the Top 20 Hacks.
He’s in the middle of a mutually supportive competition. There is competition among his fellow officers about who has more discipline (wakes earlier, runs more, etc.) — Hack No. 3.
Sgt. Lamar has powerful reasons (Hack No. 8) to keep those habits going — to keep up his reputation in the Army, to promote his advancement in the organization, to set an example for those under him.
There are many more, but let me quickly point out others: there’s a system of accountability, public pressure, others above him who he must report to, rewards for sticking to the habits, the pleasure of accomplishing his goals and habits, workout buddies, visualization of his goals (even if he doesn’t realize it, Sgt. Lamar has a picture of what an Army man should be, and keeps that in his head each day). And then there’s positive thinking (Hack No. 1) — Sgt. Lamar doesn’t allow himself to think negatively, or to tell himself he can’t do it. He has no choice. If he does start thinking negative thoughts, he will soon be former Sgt. Lamar.

If you removed all of these motivations — the public pressure, the rewards, the positive thinking, the powerful reasons, the accountability, the full commitment, the mutually supportive competition — I believe that Sgt. Lamar would have no discipline.

Now, some people will think, “But Sgt. Lamar was disciplined even after he was in the Army. He’s still the most disciplined person I know, as a former military man.” That may be true (it’s not true in every case), but I would argue that he has maintained his habits from many of the same motivations — he is still committed, to everyone he knows, to being a disciplined former military man, and he has this public reputation to maintain. He probably also still finds pleasure in being an early riser, in exercising and staying fit, in looking clean and being orderly. I also argue that those who do not have those same motivations are those who are former military men who aren’t disciplined — and we all know just as many of this type as the former.

So how can you be “disciplined” about your habits? Get the right motivation (See the Top 20- Motivation Hacks for more). Here are a few tips:

Pick one habit, and fully commit to it. Don’t try to be “disciplined” for a whole lot of things at once. I’ve tried this (many times) and it always fails. I’m re-evaluating my goals for this year for that reason alone. Try one habit at a time, and really focus on it.
Come up with a plan for that habit. See how many of the Top 20 Motivation Hacks you can apply to this habit. Write down your goal, and set a measurable and achievable goal, with a deadline. Write down mini-goals along the way, with rewards for each. Write down a plan for monitoring your urges to quit the habit, and for how you will overcome those urges (write it down beforehand!).
Maintain your focus on that habit for as long as possible. Try not to get distracted from it by other things. Post up pictures, motivational quotes, your plan, a list of rewards, your list of reasons, etc. Send yourself email reminders. Get others to remind you of your focus. Blog about it. Whatever it takes.
Set up your environment so that you maintain your motivation for your habit over time. Look at the example of Sgt. Lamar above. His life is set up so that he can’t fail. Set you life up like that too, with motivation all around you, in many forms. Set it up so that that motivation continues for as long as possible, not just for a couple weeks or a month. Maintain that environment of motivation.
Celebrate your success!!! Woo hoo!!!!

Shameless plea: For my readers who like this story … please add this to your favorite social bookmarking site! It’s doing especially well on Netscape (it could use a nudge) but any help you give it on any of the services would be appreciated.

See also:

Discipline is an illusion; Motivate yourself instead

Reader Kamal posted a great question in response to my call for topic suggestions:

“I think discipline would be a good topic, as much of what you talk about requires a certain amount of it.

The Army was good for teaching me discipline, but I realized that in the end, it comes from within.

But still, like most things, it is a habit that one can work on over time.

Would love to hear your thoughts and experience on the subject.”

Let me start with the conclusion first: if you think you don’t have discipline, you don’t need it. What you need is to commit to your goal or habit and fully motivate yourself. Read on for more.

I think that most of us believe that discipline is something you either have or don’t have — some believe you are born with it, and some, like Kamal, believe it is something you can develop as a habit. But what exactly is it we’re talking about when we say the word “discipline”?

If I wake up early every morning to run, do I have discipline? Most people would say that I do. But, as someone who regularly wakes up early, and who runs frequently (not every day), I can testify that I for one do not have discipline. I am anything but disciplined, and never have been.

So how do I explain my ability to wake up early, and to run on a regular basis? Simple: I have adequate and varied motivation. I get up every morning, not out of discipline, but because I really want to — and have tricked myself into doing it. I get out the door and go for a run not because I’m super disciplined, but because I really want to.

Let’s take the example of someone in the military — the typical example of someone with discipline. Let’s say Sgt. Lamar is a tough Army man. He wakes up very early every day, goes through a strict morning routine, runs and does his pushups and situps, eats a moderate diet and keeps his clothes and living area spotless. He’s the epitome of discipline.

But I say he has motivation instead. Review the Top 20 Motivation Hacks for some of the reasons why:

Sgt. Lamar has signed up for the Army and all that that entails. He is a full-time military man, and everyone he knows is aware of this. He has fully committed himself to living a life of discipline, meaning he’s fully committed to all the habits of the Army: waking early, exercise, cleanliness, orderliness, etc. That’s the No. 2 of the Top 20 Hacks.
He’s in the middle of a mutually supportive competition. There is competition among his fellow officers about who has more discipline (wakes earlier, runs more, etc.) — Hack No. 3.
Sgt. Lamar has powerful reasons (Hack No. 8) to keep those habits going — to keep up his reputation in the Army, to promote his advancement in the organization, to set an example for those under him.
There are many more, but let me quickly point out others: there’s a system of accountability, public pressure, others above him who he must report to, rewards for sticking to the habits, the pleasure of accomplishing his goals and habits, workout buddies, visualization of his goals (even if he doesn’t realize it, Sgt. Lamar has a picture of what an Army man should be, and keeps that in his head each day). And then there’s positive thinking (Hack No. 1) — Sgt. Lamar doesn’t allow himself to think negatively, or to tell himself he can’t do it. He has no choice. If he does start thinking negative thoughts, he will soon be former Sgt. Lamar.

If you removed all of these motivations — the public pressure, the rewards, the positive thinking, the powerful reasons, the accountability, the full commitment, the mutually supportive competition — I believe that Sgt. Lamar would have no discipline.

Now, some people will think, “But Sgt. Lamar was disciplined even after he was in the Army. He’s still the most disciplined person I know, as a former military man.” That may be true (it’s not true in every case), but I would argue that he has maintained his habits from many of the same motivations — he is still committed, to everyone he knows, to being a disciplined former military man, and he has this public reputation to maintain. He probably also still finds pleasure in being an early riser, in exercising and staying fit, in looking clean and being orderly. I also argue that those who do not have those same motivations are those who are former military men who aren’t disciplined — and we all know just as many of this type as the former.

So how can you be “disciplined” about your habits? Get the right motivation (See the Top 20- Motivation Hacks for more). Here are a few tips:

Pick one habit, and fully commit to it. Don’t try to be “disciplined” for a whole lot of things at once. I’ve tried this (many times) and it always fails. I’m re-evaluating my goals for this year for that reason alone. Try one habit at a time, and really focus on it.
Come up with a plan for that habit. See how many of the Top 20 Motivation Hacks you can apply to this habit. Write down your goal, and set a measurable and achievable goal, with a deadline. Write down mini-goals along the way, with rewards for each. Write down a plan for monitoring your urges to quit the habit, and for how you will overcome those urges (write it down beforehand!).
Maintain your focus on that habit for as long as possible. Try not to get distracted from it by other things. Post up pictures, motivational quotes, your plan, a list of rewards, your list of reasons, etc. Send yourself email reminders. Get others to remind you of your focus. Blog about it. Whatever it takes.
Set up your environment so that you maintain your motivation for your habit over time. Look at the example of Sgt. Lamar above. His life is set up so that he can’t fail. Set you life up like that too, with motivation all around you, in many forms. Set it up so that that motivation continues for as long as possible, not just for a couple weeks or a month. Maintain that environment of motivation.
Celebrate your success!!! Woo hoo!!!!

Shameless plea: For my readers who like this story … please add this to your favorite social bookmarking site! It’s doing especially well on Netscape (it could use a nudge) but any help you give it on any of the services would be appreciated.

See also:

Posted on 5 March 2007 in Goals, Habits, Motivation |
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Top 20 Motivation Hacks - An Overview

For the last two weeks I’ve been posting the Top 20 Motivation Hacks, one by one. These are the tips and tricks that, if used in combination, are a nearly sure way to achieve your goals.

Achieving goals is not a matter of having “discipline”. It’s a matter of motivating yourself, and keeping your focus on your goal. Follow these hacks, or any combination of them that works for you, and you should have the motivation and focus you need.

Here they are, in reverse order (links take you to more on each):

#20: Chart Your Progress. Recently I posted about how I created a chart to track my progress with each of my goals. This chart is not just for information purposes, for me to look back and see how I’m doing. It’s to motivate me to keep up with my goals. If I’m diligent about checking my chart every day, and marking dots or “x”s, then I will want to make sure I fill it with dots. I will think to myself, “I better do this today if I want to mark a dot.” Well, that’s a small motivation, but it helps, trust me. Some people prefer to use gold stars. Others have a training log, which works just as well. Or try Joe’s Goals. However you do it, track your progress, and allow yourself a bit of pride each time you give yourself a good mark.

Now, you will have some bad marks on your chart. That’s OK. Don’t let a few bad marks stop you from continuing. Strive instead to get the good marks next time.

#19: Hold Yourself Back. When I start with a new exercise program, or any new goal really, I am rarin’ to go. I am full of excitement, and my enthusiasm knows no boundaries. Nor does my sense of self-limitation. I think I can do anything. It’s not long before I learn that I do have limitations, and my enthusiasm begins to wane.

Well, a great motivator that I’ve learned is that when you have so much energy at the beginning of a program, and want to go all out — HOLD BACK. Don’t let yourself do everything you want to do. Only let yourself do 50-75 percent of what you want to do. And plan out a course of action where you slowly increase over time. For example, if I want to go running, I might think I can run 3 miles at first. But instead of letting myself do that, I start by only running a mile. When I’m doing that mile, I’ll be telling myself that I can do more! But I don’t let myself. After that workout, I’ll be looking forward to the next workout, when I’ll let myself do 1.5 miles. I keep that energy reined in, harness it, so that I can ride it even further.

#18: Join an online (or off-line) group to help keep you focused and motivated. When I started to run, more than a year ago, I joined a few different forums, at different times, on different sites, such as Men’s Health (the Belly-Off Runner’s Club), Runner’s World, Cool Running, and the running group at About.com. I did the same when I was quitting smoking.

Each time I joined a forum, it helped keep me on track. Not only did I meet a bunch of other people who were either going through what I was going through or who had already been through it, I would report my progress (and failures) as I went along. They were there for great advice, for moral support, to help keep me going when I wanted to stop.

#17: Post a picture of your goal someplace visible — near your desk or on your refrigerator, for example. Visualizing your goal, exactly how you think it will be when you’ve achieved it, whether it’s financial goals like traveling to Rome or building a dream house, or physical goals like finishing a marathon or getting a flat stomach, is a great motivator and one of the best ways of actualizing your goals.

Find a magazine photo or a picture online and post it somewhere where you can see it not only daily, but hourly if possible. Put it as your desktop photo, or your home page. Use the power of your visual sense to keep you focused on your goal. Because that focus is what will keep you motivated over the long term — once you lose focus, you lose motivation, so having something to keep bringing your focus back to your goal will help keep that motivation.

#16: Get a workout partner or goal buddy. Staying motivated on your own is tough. But if you find someone with similar goals (running, dieting, finances, etc.), see if they’d like to partner with you. Or partner with your spouse, sibling or best friend on whatever goals they’re trying to achieve. You don’t have to be going after the same goals — as long as you are both pushing and encouraging each other to succeed.

#15: Just get started. There are some days when you don’t feel like heading out the door for a run, or figuring out your budget, or whatever it is you’re supposed to do that day for your goal. Well, instead of thinking about how hard it is, and how long it will take, tell yourself that you just have to start.

I have a rule (not an original one) that I just have to put on my running shoes and close the door behind me. After that, it all flows naturally. It’s when you’re sitting in your house, thinking about running and feeling tired, that it seems hard. Once you start, it is never as hard as you thought it would be. This tip works for me every time.

#14: Make it a pleasure. One reason we might put off something that will help us achieve our goal, such as exercise for example, is because it seems like hard work. Well, this might be true, but the key is to find a way to make it fun or pleasurable. If your goal activity becomes a treat, you actually look forward to it. And that’s a good thing.

#13: Give it time, be patient. I know, this is easier said than done. But the problem with many of us is that we expect quick results. When you think about your goals, think long term. If you want to lose weight, you may see some quick initial losses, but it will take a long time to lose the rest. If you want to run a marathon, you won’t be able to do it overnight. If you don’t see the results you want soon, don’t give up … give it time. In the meantime, be happy with your progress so far, and with your ability to stick with your goals. The results will come if you give it time.

#12: Break it into smaller, mini goals. Sometimes large or longer-term goals can be overwhelming. After a couple weeks, we may lose motivation, because we still have several months or a year or more left to accomplish the goal. It’s hard to maintain motivation for a single goal for such a long time. Solution: have smaller goals along the way.

#11: Reward yourself. Often. And not just for longer-term goals, either. In Hack #12, I talked about breaking larger goals into smaller, mini goals. Well, each of those mini goals should have a reward attached to it. Make a list of your goals, with mini goals, and next to each, write down an appropriate reward. By appropriate, I mean 1) it’s proportionate to the size of the goal (don’t reward going on a 1-mile run with a luxury cruise in the Bahamas); and 2) it doesn’t ruin your goal — if you are trying to lose weight, don’t reward a day of healthy eating with a dessert binge. It’s self-defeating.

#10: Find inspiration, on a daily basis. Inspiration is one of the best motivators, and it can be found everywhere. Every day, seek inspiration, and it will help sustain motivation over the long term. Sources of inspiration can include: blogs, online success stories, forums, friends and family, magazines, books, quotes, music, photos, people you meet.

#9: Get a coach or take a class. These will motivate you to at least show up, and to take action. It can be applied to any goal. This might be one of the more expensive ways of motivating yourself, but it works. And if you do some research, you might find some cheap classes in your area, or you might know a friend who will provide coaching or counseling for free.

#8: Have powerful reasons. Write them down. Know your reasons. Give them some thought … and write them down. If you have loved ones, and you are doing it for them, that is more powerful than just doing it for self-interest. Doing it for yourself is good too, but you should do it for something that you REALLY REALLY want to happen, for really good reasons.

#7: Become aware of your urges to quit, and be prepared for them. We all have urges to stop, but they are mostly unconscious. One of the most powerful things you can do is to start being more conscious of those urges. A good exercise is to go through the day with a little piece of paper and put a tally mark for each time you get an urge. It simply makes you aware of the urges. Then have a plan for when those urges hit, and plan for it beforehand, and write down your plan, because once those urges hit, you will not feel like coming up with a plan.

#6: Make it a rule never to skip two days in a row.This rule takes into account our natural tendency to miss days now and then. We are not perfect. So, you missed one day … now the second day is upon you and you are feeling lazy … tell yourself NO! You will not miss two days in a row! Zen Habits says so! And just get started. You’ll thank yourself later.

#5: Visualize your goal clearly, on a daily basis, for at least 5-10 minutes. Visualize your successful outcome in great detail. Close your eyes, and think about exactly how your successful outcome will look, will feel, will smell and taste and sound like. Where are you when you become successful? How do you look? What are you wearing? Form as clear a mental picture as possible. Now here’s the next key: do it every day. For at least a few minutes each day. This is the only way to keep that motivation going over a long period of time.

#4: Keep a daily journal of your goal. If you are consistent about keeping a journal, it can be a great motivator. A journal should have not only what you did for the day, but your thoughts about how it went, how you felt, what mistakes you made, what you could do to improve. To be consistent about keeping a journal, do it right after you do your goal task each day. Make keeping a journal a sensory pleasure.

#3: Create a friendly, mutually-supportive competition.We are all competitive in nature, at least a little. Some more than others. Take advantage of this part of our human nature by using it to fuel your goals. If you have a workout partner or goal buddy, you’ve got all you need for a friendly competition. See who can log more miles, or save more dollars, each week or month. See who can do more pushups or pullups. See who can lose the most weight or have the best abs or lose the most inches on their waist. Make sure the goals are weighted so that the competition is fairly equal. And mutually support each other in your goals.

#2: Make a big public commitment. Be fully committed. This will do the trick every time. Create a blog and announce to the world that you are going to achieve a certain goal by a certain date. Commit yourself to the hilt.

#1: Always think positive. Squash all negative thoughts. Monitor your thoughts. Be aware of your self-talk. We all talk to ourselves, a lot, but we are not always aware of these thoughts. Start listening. If you hear negative thoughts, stop them, push them out, and replace them with positive thoughts. Positive thinking can be amazingly powerful.