zen habits : breathe

The Biggest Waste of Time

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Mara Rogers of Secrets For Money.

Where I see people waste the most amount of time, where they reduce their productivity and efficiency and ultimately their happiness is from vacillating between just two words: “Yes” or “No.”

Often people say “Yes” when they mean “No” or “No” when they should say “Yes.”

“Yes” and “No” are a negotiation of another person’s request.

Both words a very powerful and have direct impact on your well-being. Each word has to be used wisely, judiciously, and with grace, with your inner-harmony in mind.

When people get stuck in waging the battle between the two heads of “Yes” and “No” I am reminded of the “Pushme-Pullyu” the two-headed animal from the classic children’s book “The Story of Dr. Dolittle” by Hugh Lofting.

The Pushme-Pullyu animal was always heading in the opposite direction at the same time, because he had one head on one end of his body and another head on the opposite end of his body.

Are you a Pushme-Pullyu?

When you say “Yes” or you say “No” do you really mean it?

It is crucial to avoid being a Pushme-Pullyu, because a state of unnecessary indecision lowers your vibration-rate, and it drains away your personal power rather than strengthening it.

There is a tendency in Pushme-Pullyu people that when they do make a decision they are then riddled with self-doubt afterwards.

To make a decision quickly and not vacillate or second guess oneself is a critical life-skill.
It is especially important with the acceleration of the world around us today, fast decisions are asked of us minute-by-minute.

A person who is not a Pushme-Pullyu, can take full advantage when “opportunity knocks” because they make a self-assured decision quickly without vacillating.  Therefore they do not waste their precious energy with worry and they also do not avoid making a decision by not saying either a “Yes” or “No.”

They do not hide from life, they live life.

It is also important to foster this enlightened habit because when you say “Yes” or “No” and come from clarity and discernment this enables you  to rid yourself of needless guilt and feelings of conflict, so you can live a richer, more fulfilling life, it sets you free.

The Secret to “Yes” and “No”:

The power behind “Yes” and “No” is when you state them truthfully. As a result, not only is your relationship to yourself better, so is your relationship to others.

This is applying the art of simplification—making your relationship to yourself and others more pure, more real, and always from a place of love.
After all, “Truth” is simplification at its core.

We say “Yes” or “No” almost every minute of our life, what kind of person is the lack of doing this truthfully making you?

This is the exact moment when you are probably saying out loud “No Mara, that can’t be!  People don’t like it when I say “No.” If I say “No” people are mad at me.  How could what you are saying make my relationships better, it would make them worse.”

So here is my reply, here is the secret: When you take care of yourself, your relationships work.

What I mean by this, is that if you don’t honor what is in your well-being, and come from a place of trying to people-please in order to gain approval from someone else, or to try to make them like or love you more, by giving them the “Yes” they want by saying yes when you need to say no, it always backfires.

Think back on a time when you did this, you know now that it backfired. Not only did your relationship to yourself suffer, ultimately your relationship to the other person did too, because in some way you probably withheld a “Yes” to them afterwards.  And I don’t mean a verbal “Yes” this time, I mean the “Yes” of opening your heart to them.

When we say “No” in our hearts it closes our energetic reach toward another person, typically this is fostered by resentment. Often we think of saying “No” to another person as taking away from them, but in actuality when you take care of yourself your relationships work, and your “No” becomes a “Yes”—a “Yes” to you.  And this action ultimately gives back to the other person also.

And know that “No” can be said with grace. Because when you do, you gain respect from another person and you are still viewed as generous and kind. They understand you are exhibiting self-care.

When you don’t take care of yourself and honor your own needs and boundaries your relationships with yourself and others suffer.  It just doesn’t work in life to come from a place of people-pleasing. And that is typically the prime motivation for a Pushme-Pullyu person to say “Yes” when they need to say “No”.

Choosing Between the Two Heads of “Yes” and “No”:

You have choice. “Choice” is a privilege and to harness choice empowers us. You have the freedom to choose and the freedom to change your mind.

In terms of productivity, how you deal with this choice dictates whether or not you waste your time and the time of another person or people.

Once you “spend” your time or other people’s time, that time is gone, that time cannot be replaced.

So use your power of choice to say “Yes” or “No” when you mean it.

About The Author: Mara Rogers’ Secrets for Money blog brings you tips to make more money, save more money, and manage your money.

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