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How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

What do you do if you have a dream, but everyone around you keeps telling you to be more realistic and to give up the dream? What if they want you to pursue a more “sensible” and traditional career route?

You ignore them. You shut out the naysayers, and you stay focused on your dream.

It’s the only way. Because in our lives, we will always have naysayers, we will always have negative people, and if we listen to them, we will never pursue our dreams.

Today we’ll look at how to do that, and to make those dreams a reality.

Reader Valerie asked me recently:

I’m barely 17 (turning 18 next February), and I have set goals for my life. But in the world that we live in, where everyone’s encouraged to get a steady job, find someone to settle down with, and have a family, I rarely find support for my “crazy” dreams. I want to live in Hong Kong, work in the fashion industry, and I refuse to get married before I turn 30, if I even find someone to marry.

I know that my goals and dreams are completely in my grasp, but with all these speeches about “the real world” that people my age hear constantly, I tend to doubt myself a lot. How can I stay true to myself and stay motivated?

Look at Valerie: she has a dream, and she’s ready to take the plunge, to take a risk, to change her life just to make that dream come true. She knows what she wants, she has a plan, she’s willing to do more than most of us are willing to do to get what she wants.

And yet, she has doubts, because dreams such as hers are not considered realistic. Those doubts, my friends, are what will stop any of us from achieving our dreams.

Doubts are The Enemy
We all have doubts, and they’re unavoidable. And sometimes, it’s good to be realistic, because you need to be able to analyze whether a dream is achievable or not.

But if the only thing stopping you is fears and doubts, and not some insurmountable obstacle, then you need to banish those fears and doubts.

Why? Because a doubt, as innocuous as it may seem at first, has a way of creeping its way into your subconscious, into the depths of your heart, like some kind of black and evil creature that has infiltrated your body. The doubt lingers at the back of your head, without you being aware of it, and will eventually conquer your dreams if you let it.

And when this happens, the doubt is more powerful than you realize. When you are making the tough decisions, like whether to apply for college or to go off to Hong Kong and pursue your dreams, your dreams will lose out, because of that doubt in the back of your head. When you think about yourself, your self-image will not be of that person you want to be, but the person that others want you to be.

Doubts will keep you in a job you hate, just because you’re afraid to go do what you really want to do. Doubts will keep you with a person who abuses you, because you don’t think you deserve better.

How to Banish Doubts in Three Steps
As doubts are so insidious, how do you beat them? It’s three simple steps, but each one is a bit more difficult than they sound:

Become aware. Doubt gets its power mostly because it is in our subconscious, and we’re not aware of the effects it has on us. Instead, we have to bring it to the forefront of our minds. And that means concentrating on our thoughts, and trying to search out those doubts and negative thoughts as they come up. The ones that say, “Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe it’s not realistic.” If you make a conscious effort to be aware of these doubts, you can catch them and beat them.
Squash the doubt. Once you’ve become aware of the doubt, imagine that the doubt is an ugly little bug. Now step on it, and squash it with the bottom of your shoe. Not literally, of course, but in your mind. Exterminate it. Do not let it live and spread!
Replace it with something positive. Now that you’ve squashed the doubt, replace it with positive thoughts. It sounds corny, but trust me, this works: think to yourself, “I can do this! Others have done it, and so can I! Nothing will stop me.” Or something along those lines, appropriate to whatever it is you’re doing.

You have to continue to be vigilant, and be aware of your doubts before they stop you cold in your tracks. This is a constant process as you pursue your dreams, not a one-time thing. Doubts, like insects, will continue to come back, even after you’ve killed the first wave or two. You can’t let them thrive and overcome you.

What to Do About Naysayers
So what about those external negative factors — the naysayers? Those friends and family and people in authority who tell you to stop dreaming, to be realistic, to take a more traditional path? Those who tell you that you can’t do something?

You have to learn to block them out. Or, if you have a contrarian streak in you, learn to let those naysayers fuel your determination — make it your desire to prove the naysayers wrong!

How do you block out naysayers? The same way you block out doubts and negative thoughts in your own head: you squash them. OK, don’t literally squash another person. But when they say something negative, or something that is likely to cause doubts in your head, take that thought (in your head) and squash it. Then replace it with something positive.

If someone is constantly bringing you down and constantly making you feel like you can’t do something, you might consider removing them from your life. This sounds drastic, and it can be, but the truth is that having a life full of negative people will drag you down to their level, and stop you from doing what you want to do. I’m not saying you should get a divorce or never see your mother again (if they’re the naysayers), but I am saying that you should pick your friends carefully.

Instead, surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. If you have friends like that, you can do anything.

How to Take the Plunge
So you’ve blocked out the naysayers, you’ve learned to become aware of your doubts and to squash them … and you’re ready to pursue your dreams.

But you’re afraid to take the plunge.

It can be very helpful to do a lot of research and to carefully plan your plunge. But once you’ve done that research and planning, you still have to take the plunge. How do you do that?

Imagine that you need to swim out to a boat on a lake, and you’re standing on the dock, looking down at the icy cold water. You are afraid to dive into that water, but you know you need to take that plunge to get to your boat. So how do you do it? Do you go in one toe at a time? Do you stand there for awhile, waiting for the right moment? Do you wait for someone to give you a push?

No. You have to just do it — just dive in! You’ve already done all the thinking you need to do. Just dive in.

Once you’re in, it’ll be freezing, but you’re in. You now have no choice but to swim to the boat. And once you’ve gotten to the boat, you’ll be glad you took that plunge.

That’s how it is with your dreams. You can’t wait for the right moment to come along, or for someone to give you a push, or for the lake to heat up. Just dive right in!

Once you’re in, you’re committed, and you have to go for it. You don’t want to turn back once you’ve taken the plunge. Now you’re more likely to achieve your dreams.

So plan it out, do your research … but when you’re ready, just dive right in. And don’t look back.

How to Stay Motivated
How do you keep your motivation levels high in the face of adversity and obstacles that are sure to come up? Motivation goes up and down, and comes in waves. It’s impossible to keep it high all the time.

Here are a few suggestions:

Keep the end in mind. Have a clear picture in your head of exactly how you want your dream to turn out in the end. Know where you’ll be, what it’ll look like, how it will feel. Know exactly what needs to happen for your dream to be a success — how will you know you’ve arrived? Keep this clear picture in your head as much as possible.
Stay focused. Don’t get distracted by other goals or pursuits. If you are tempted to pursue other dreams, do so only with the awareness that you are abandoning your current dream, at least for now. If you don’t want to do that, then fight off the temptation of those other pursuits. For now, just stick with this one goal.
Get inspired. Who else is achieving this dream, or other dreams? Read about them, talk to them, email them. Go to websites that inspire you. Read books that inspire you. Inspiration is one of the keys to achieving any dream.
Celebrate any success. Anything, however small, that you achieve is a cause for joyous celebration. Really. If you’re writing a novel, and you’ve created a great character sketch, celebrate! If you’ve written your first few paragraphs, celebrate! Your dream will be achieved in baby steps, not in leaps and bounds. Every step is a cause for celebration … with enough steps, you’ll get there.

Recommended Book

If you’re looking for a great book about pursuing your dreams in the face of obstacles, I recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s a parable that’s very well told and very inspiring.

If you like this article, please bookmark on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg! I’d appreciate it.

How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

You ignore them. You shut out the naysayers, and you stay focused on your dream.

It’s the only way. Because in our lives, we will always have naysayers, we will always have negative people, and if we listen to them, we will never pursue our dreams.

Today we’ll look at how to do that, and to make those dreams a reality.

Reader Valerie asked me recently:

I’m barely 17 (turning 18 next February), and I have set goals for my life. But in the world that we live in, where everyone’s encouraged to get a steady job, find someone to settle down with, and have a family, I rarely find support for my “crazy” dreams. I want to live in Hong Kong, work in the fashion industry, and I refuse to get married before I turn 30, if I even find someone to marry.

I know that my goals and dreams are completely in my grasp, but with all these speeches about “the real world” that people my age hear constantly, I tend to doubt myself a lot. How can I stay true to myself and stay motivated?

But if the only thing stopping you is fears and doubts, and not some insurmountable obstacle, then you need to banish those fears and doubts.

How to Banish Doubts in Three Steps
As doubts are so insidious, how do you beat them? It’s three simple steps, but each one is a bit more difficult than they sound:

Become aware. Doubt gets its power mostly because it is in our subconscious, and we’re not aware of the effects it has on us. Instead, we have to bring it to the forefront of our minds. And that means concentrating on our thoughts, and trying to search out those doubts and negative thoughts as they come up. The ones that say, “Maybe I can’t do this. Maybe it’s not realistic.” If you make a conscious effort to be aware of these doubts, you can catch them and beat them.
Squash the doubt. Once you’ve become aware of the doubt, imagine that the doubt is an ugly little bug. Now step on it, and squash it with the bottom of your shoe. Not literally, of course, but in your mind. Exterminate it. Do not let it live and spread!
Replace it with something positive. Now that you’ve squashed the doubt, replace it with positive thoughts. It sounds corny, but trust me, this works: think to yourself, “I can do this! Others have done it, and so can I! Nothing will stop me.” Or something along those lines, appropriate to whatever it is you’re doing.

You have to learn to block them out. Or, if you have a contrarian streak in you, learn to let those naysayers fuel your determination — make it your desire to prove the naysayers wrong!

Instead, surround yourself with positive, encouraging people. If you have friends like that, you can do anything.

How to Take the Plunge
So you’ve blocked out the naysayers, you’ve learned to become aware of your doubts and to squash them … and you’re ready to pursue your dreams.

But you’re afraid to take the plunge.

It can be very helpful to do a lot of research and to carefully plan your plunge. But once you’ve done that research and planning, you still have to take the plunge. How do you do that?

No. You have to just do it — just dive in! You’ve already done all the thinking you need to do. Just dive in.

Once you’re in, it’ll be freezing, but you’re in. You now have no choice but to swim to the boat. And once you’ve gotten to the boat, you’ll be glad you took that plunge.

That’s how it is with your dreams. You can’t wait for the right moment to come along, or for someone to give you a push, or for the lake to heat up. Just dive right in!

Once you’re in, you’re committed, and you have to go for it. You don’t want to turn back once you’ve taken the plunge. Now you’re more likely to achieve your dreams.

So plan it out, do your research … but when you’re ready, just dive right in. And don’t look back.

Here are a few suggestions:

Keep the end in mind. Have a clear picture in your head of exactly how you want your dream to turn out in the end. Know where you’ll be, what it’ll look like, how it will feel. Know exactly what needs to happen for your dream to be a success — how will you know you’ve arrived? Keep this clear picture in your head as much as possible.
Stay focused. Don’t get distracted by other goals or pursuits. If you are tempted to pursue other dreams, do so only with the awareness that you are abandoning your current dream, at least for now. If you don’t want to do that, then fight off the temptation of those other pursuits. For now, just stick with this one goal.
Get inspired. Who else is achieving this dream, or other dreams? Read about them, talk to them, email them. Go to websites that inspire you. Read books that inspire you. Inspiration is one of the keys to achieving any dream.
Celebrate any success. Anything, however small, that you achieve is a cause for joyous celebration. Really. If you’re writing a novel, and you’ve created a great character sketch, celebrate! If you’ve written your first few paragraphs, celebrate! Your dream will be achieved in baby steps, not in leaps and bounds. Every step is a cause for celebration … with enough steps, you’ll get there.

Recommended Book

If you’re looking for a great book about pursuing your dreams in the face of obstacles, I recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It’s a parable that’s very well told and very inspiring.

If you like this article, please bookmark on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg! I’d appreciate it.

Posted on 22 November 2007 in Goals, Motivation |
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Comments (64)

Summer Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 22:58 pm

Prove ‘em wrong. That is my motivation when my doubts creep in.

I had an ex husband who said my business would never take off. He was wrong, but for a long time, I listened to him. Now… now there’s part of me that entertains the idea of sending him a gift basket from my store with a note attached that says, “So I couldn’t do it, huh?” But I’m restraining the urge… *grin*

Sometimes the best thing fro me is to break my passion down to it’s simplest part. Make a great cup of tea or sit down and sew… it reminds me why I LOVE what I do. It’s easy to get lost in all the big plans and expectations. Sometimes it’s just about the small thing in front of you that you make.

Great tips and suggestions Leo. Thanks for the reminders!

Bobik Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 23:09 pm

Valerie, read the Life Reboot blog - the author held several “computer support” jobs before realizing that he should be switching to something else - become a writer.

Two posts:

What is a “Real Job,” exactly?

10 Reasons It Doesn’t Pay To Be “The Computer Guy”

Bobik Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 23:11 pm

And another post with good points is:

Accept That You Can’t Make Everyone Happy

Addy Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 23:11 pm

This is perfect timing because I find myself in the same boat. I hold myself back because of fears and doubts, AND the naysayers. Perhaps, it’s why I’m so indecisive–I don’t want to take that plunge I need to because I’ve let all of the negativity get to me. I just need to do what I want to do, because I know I can do it. Thanks for an awesome article.

John Says:

November 22nd, 2007, 23:12 pm

Everyone except my mom thought I was crazy when I moved to China. She just told me, “Son, just do it. Success shuts everyone up.”

She was right.

Steven Klassen Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 0:40 am

I picked up this book a few times in the bookstore, turned it over in my hands, read the cover, the inside, and then put it down.

I may have to go back and get it now.

Matthew Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 0:58 am

I struggle with this one, because I’ve felt that some of my decisions have been pretty solid before, but I faced resistance from my parents. In the end, it turned out that my parents were right.

Of course there are times where I have been right and everything worked out OK.

I think the key to success in these kinds of situations is to really remain open and listen to the criticisms that people give you. If you become too insulated, then you’ll fail to see when people are really bringing up valid points.

Whenever possible, have a detailed plan and all your research available to show your naysayers. It’s one thing to refute people with a dream, but it’s another thing to refute them with hard work and research.

If you dream is totally feasible and it’s only the core of your dream that’s being argued about (staying put and getting married vs. moving and away and pursuing your career), then go for it.

One final thought: don’t set absolutes like “I won’t get married until I’m at least 30.” Life is too dynamic for rigid thoughts like that. Phrase it like “getting married isn’t a priority for me at all right now.” It has the same feeling, but, like life, it has more fluidity to it.

Free Fall Creative Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 1:24 am

Great article. I couldn’t agree more with it.

@ Summer - I have the same issues with my parents and wanting to send them every website I design just to keep throwing it in their face since they always pushed school on me and told me to “go get a real job”. But, I too need to refrain from it. It’s super hard though and honestly, being the bigger person about it all seems a bit more rewarding then getting the ‘quick fix’ feelings that throwing it in their faces would give.

Gates VP Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 1:24 am

don’t set absolutes like “I won’t get married until I’m at least 30.” Life is too dynamic for rigid thoughts like that.

Quoted for truth.

Valerie, the only people who say that “you can’t do that” are the people who haven’t done it. Those who are successful would ask you “How can you do it? It’s what Matthew is talking about, how?

So yeah, the point is simple, don’t listen to unhappy people for advice on how to live life :)

Free Fall Creative Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 1:34 am

Forgot to add this little message to Valerie.

@ Valerie - I have some people in my life who are family and in-laws and none of them are happy with their lives. I also have some people in my life who are extremely happy with where their lives are. Can you guess which group of people have good advice and support for me and which group always tries to fill my head with doubt and does things to make me feel miserable like them?

Don’t base what you do on ANYONE. In the end, we all came into this world alone and will leave this world alone so basing your life on someones opinion is a waste of time. Do whatever will make you happy. Trust me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.

Miss Gisele B. Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 1:56 am

Leo,

You keep surprising me with the thoughtful topics you post. They are topics that really make you think.

The Alchemist is absolutely the most powerful book I’ve read (much better than any of the self-motivating books I’ve read). It’s such a small book and you really would never expect such a huge and fundamental story from such a small book. In general Paolo Coelho is an incredible writer who pulls deep emotions out of his readers.

As for your post of the day, Leo, I’ve go to say that it’s an important post for me to read at this point because a string of events have chipped away at my “positive umbrella” and I’ve not felt as strong and as invincible as I have in the past.

Reading your post has forced me to remember some important lessons and your post have also forced me to re-shift my thinking.

I think my biggest mistake in the last few months has been to stop celebrating my small successes and I’ve focused on what I didn’t have and how far I was from my goals.

Once again Leo … thank you!

Gisele
http://www.mybeautymatch.com

Andrew Brunelle Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 2:23 am

Here is my deal. I am pursuing my dream of stand-up comedy and although my family supports me in capturing my dream, they keep saying that I also need to get my degree in something and have a “backup plan.” But I know if I settle and do that, I won’t be able to put as much energy into my dream if I am shackled by college and a job to pay for the college, and student loan debt. My biggest fear right now is not that I won’t make it. My fear is that my familly will consider me a failure. My mother has a Bachelor’s degree and they act like if I don’t get the degree I will be working in a terrible job the rest of my life. That may be true for some people, but I know that if I have to sit through two and a half more years of college and go out and find a “job,” it will simply kill my dream. I have to just go for it. I did win a contest with over 60 participants and got my name in the paper, so I know I am good enough to get work. I just need to be able to fully commit to it, you know? I’ll work on it. Good luck to everyone here.

hssc Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 3:34 am

good post

we must still keep in mind, however, that some dreams are just plainly unreachable. Seriously, what are the chances of me being the next tyrant of all the nations on Earth?

Gates VP Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 4:02 am

@@Andrew

These are strong words
My biggest fear right now is not that I won’t make it. My fear is that my familly will consider me a failure…. My mother has a Bachelor’s degree and they act like if I don’t get the degree I will be working in a terrible job the rest of my life.

You have massive negative emotion tied to these words: fear, failure, terrible… Your ability to acknowledge and communicate the situation is excellent, but now it’s time to act on the situation.

My mother has a Bachelor’s degree and they act like if I don’t get the degree I will be working in a terrible job the rest of my life. That may be true for some people,

It’s not true for anybody!

The degree isn’t a “backup plan”. This world is about being smart and getting things done. The degree is nothing but a tool, a means to an end. You don’t go to school and then pick a dream… you pick a dream and then you go to school to help achieve that dream.

Me, I love to build software, so I got the degree that says I can build software… you can do this job without the degree, some people do, but it sure does make it easier.

You, you love to perform comedy, you love to make people laugh. You don’t need a degree for that, you need brain, you need a sense of timing, you need to be a road warrior, a great psychologist, a great actor, you need a presence… There’s no degree for that, sure there are courses, but there’s no bachelor’s in comedy. That doesn’t mean it’s not a career.

The fundamental problem here is this:

My fear is that my familly will consider me a failure

It’s not up to your family to quantify or qualify your success, this is clearly a projection of their own fears of failure. You are the only measure of your success. The fact that your family would even try to impose their ideas here is quite ludicrous, if not insulting.

Your mother may be a very nice person, your family may be very nice people, but their imposition is very low of them. Unfortunately, you have to be the big person here. Fortunately, the solution is simple (if emotionally trying).

1. Draw up your dreams in terms that your family can understand.
2. Explain to them how they can help support your dream: car rides, critiques, selling tickets, feeding ideas, cheap rent while you build up income…
Do something to let them know that you are serious and that they are important. I know it sucks that they’re not doing it for you, it would be a lot easier if you didn’t have to “buy” their support, but that’s just the way it is.
3. Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams and follow through. Start recording your material (let your family help), keep a big notebook of bits or a digital recorder with ideas. Get the name of every comedy club in the city, the county, the state (or what have you) and call them, meet the owners, send them tapes, post some clips up on YouTube, whatever it takes.

And love every minute of it!

Success is contagious. Focus on the goals, the obstacles and the victories and let the rest of it follow from there.

Nick Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 4:15 am

Thanks for another great post Leo! How do you keep writing about exactly the right topics for me? ;-) Just yesterday I was overwhelmed by doubts about my dream and now this article… Thanks for this and the virtual kick in the butt!

Best from cold Finland!

David Reber Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 4:22 am

Interesting. This even happens everyday. You have to deal with the naysayers and press your dreams and ideas.

It’s the Creative vs. the Non-Creative.

Have you ever had that brainstorm that wakes you up at 1:00 AM? And you get up out of bed and write out what seems to be a perfect plan. Then the next morning you take it into work and someone shoots it down? Why did this idea have to disrupt your sleep? Why did it get your imagination involved?

There has to be something more to it.

Press on with your dreams and ideas when you have a passion for them. Take the negativity from the naysayers as small doses of reality to realign but don’t be persuaded.

Robin Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 5:26 am

I’m amazed Valerie is being told her dream is far fetched. Loads of people move to Asia to establish their careers (I did). Avoiding marriage is a no brainer! Fashion? Why the hell not?

People are often threatened if you indicate that you are going to “make a break for it” and lift yourself from the mundane. Just go. Leave the naysayers behind and you will soon find yourself in a world surrounded by those for whom this “extraordinary move” is actually quite ordinary.

David Finch Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 7:50 am

Living your dreams is never easy, especially when the time between the conception of the dream and the actual fulfillment of that dream. Dreams are always attacked with negativity. Some attacks are from those that are around you while often times it comes from within.

The strength to silence the voices within can become your ammunition to defeat the attacks that can come from family and friends. If your certain within yourself… go for it! You may face comments of disappointment, but as a commenter mentioned earlier, “Success shuts everyone up.”

Leo, again great post!

Timothy Diokno Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 7:52 am

Right on time Leo! I was just about to go through that.

Lea Woodward Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 8:52 am

Great post, Leo!

We went through something like this last year when we decided to become location independent and practically everyone around us told us that we couldn’t or shouldn’t do it…yet here we are right now currently in the Caribbean :-)

My post this week on the locationindependent blog is about “how to protect yourself from negativity” with some additional practical tips to the ones that you mention, which worked for us in that situation.

Another useful question to ask oneself is this: “what would I do if I weren’t afraid?”.

dagobert renouf Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 9:51 am

great article, what anybody with ambition needs.

Amit Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 10:05 am

Leo “AMAZING” Babauta , Your posts never fail to uplift me each time i read them. Keep them coming :)

I am 22 yr old. Just quit a high paying job to pursue my dreams. This post came in at the right time.

I thank Valerie to inspire Leo to write this one.

Wish i too could write like you Leo ….

David Morning Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 10:06 am

@Valerie: I have to agree whole heartedly with everyone here. I made the mistake of going along with what other people thought I should do (teachers, friends, etc) and ended up working on a degree I had no interest in and did not want to finish.

In the end I dropped the degree and changed completely what I was doing (I went from a computing course to an art based one) and I’m much happier with myself now, as well as more confident that I will go somewhere with what I do, even though the field I’m looking at is more competitive and with less vacancies.

Also, a degree is just a way to show people what you can do. If you can prove through your own methods that you can achieve what an employer needs then there’s no requirement to have done one. You also don’t want to end up doing what a few people I met did, finishing a degree, going into an industry and discovering you had no interest in working there, ending up with you starting all over again

In the end there are some risks that are worth taking, and ones which will lead to you living out your dream are most certainly included in them.

Carlos Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 10:06 am

One of the best posts I’ve read here. It’s very inspirational for me, because now I’m trying to change my job. Everybody says “a part time job is not going to take you out of debts”,but I know a part time job is one step closer to my full-time-freelance-job I dream about.

It’s difficult to ignore all your loved ones saying No to your dreams, but following your dream will be way much better than following what people says. A very inspirational song: Free by Vast

Scott Young Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 10:38 am

Great post Leo!

Steve Nguyen Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 11:53 am

This topic is very dear to my heart. You see, 12 years ago I got admitted into law school and then a year later I got myself kicked out. You can read more about what happened and how I finally managed to transform my life on http://www.beyondbehaviors.com.

Valerie: I want to echo what Leo has already said about staying motivated.

“Keep the end in mind. Have a clear picture in your head of exactly how you want your dream to turn out in the end.” — My problem was that I was like a ship sailing aimlessly because I didn’t know what I wanted, whichever way the winds blew I followed.

I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until I was 26 years old! You, however, sound like you already have a vision for yourself and your future at 17.

As others have advised, stay the course and follow your heart. Best wishes to you Valerie. -Steve

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 12:06 pm

I think the most important thing with doubts is to look at them objectively. Most of the time you find that you’re freaking out about potential mishaps that are either extremely remote or completely fixable.

I just finished reading The 4-Hour Workweek yesterday and it was such an inspiration! One of my favorite lessons was that it’s better to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. Take the plunge now instead of wishing you did later down the line.

K Stone Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 12:38 pm

We all need a boost sometime. Thanks for this boost, Leo!

Miss Gisele B. Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 13:11 pm

Leo,

I’m back with more comments!

I’ve re-read your post 3 times this morning and I cannot tell you how much it has lifted my spirits and made me realize that I was digging myself in a self-doubt/negative hole because I’ve been confronted with more challenges than I expected … all very close to each other.

It’s really good when someone forces you to stop and re-think what you’ve been doing and how you’ve been “talking to yourself”.

Thanks again Leo for a post that has really affected me positively since I read it last night.

Gisele

Kevin X Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 13:19 pm

That was pure poetry there Leo. I am 16 and I am set to take on my dream now more than ever. I feel the exact same way that I want more than the traditional career and the traditional life but something extra-ordinary. It’s not set in concrete yet as Valerie’s but to create a startup at my young age and for the world to know my name is a part of my dream. There is still a lot of planning to do but blocking out naysayers and accepting positive replies helps a lot. So far me and my partner have a blog (http://www.cantheworldhearme.com) going on and we’re hoping it will be accepted well. Flamers on blogs are the worst kind of naysayers so they’re automatically blocked ;D

Valerie Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 13:41 pm

Leo, you are seriously amazing. Thank you for this - you obviously put a lot of time and effort into this article. I’m flattered and embarrased at the same time! :D
Thanks to everyone’s encouraging comments, too. I hope all of you reach your goals, no matter how “crazy” or “unrealistic” they are. Now I’m feeling even more motivated to reach mine. Leo, I couldn’t ever thank you enough.

WereBear Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 14:02 pm

I counsel people on a variety of subjects, and to a person, the things they most regret are not pursuing their dreams.

Looking back over their adult life, they now see it was certainly possible, and that they should have done it. Because the desire has not gone away, and has grown large and rowdy from neglect.

Most heartbreaking is the realization that for many of them, the decisions they made instead has snared them in a web of obligations they cannot extract themselves from, and that their dream will forever be, only that.

This has only strengthened my resolve to continue in my unconventional path, even if there are lots of bumps along the way. I might not yet have achieved all my goals, but I’m certainly much further along that I would have been if I had not set foot on this path at all.

And I know that the way to my goals has not been blocked by other decisions.

Valerie Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 14:02 pm

@Matthew: You have a good point. The whole “don’t get married until you’re 30″ idea that I have is just a way to remind myself to live my life to the fullest before I settle down. (Of course, I’m going to live my life to the fullest after I get married, too…but you understand my point.) You’re right, nothing is set in stone.

@Robin: I’ve kind of fed myself the idea that my goals are unrealistic, based on the goals that the people around me have reached. Also, whenever I tell people about my goals, I don’t get the most encouraging responses. Nothing horrible, just “Really? Hmmmph…” I have close friends who believe in me, though. And I believe in myself, so that’s good enough.

Jean Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 14:10 pm

Good topic, Leo. I would add that after becoming “aware” and before we can “squash the doubt,” it’s got to be explored and accepted BEFORE we can respond in a way that eliminates its power. When we allow ourselves to get up close to a fear (as crappy as this can feel), we can somewhat embrace it and eventually its power over us diminishes.

I agree with your suggestion of removing toxic influences (relationships, situations) and keeping focused on our dreams. Though it may seem ironic, I believe some of the “naysayers” I’ve experienced have been my best teachers.

I watched my father build an abundant net worth by following his dream, despite some horrid conditions. What amazes me most was his ability to handle total fear mongerers with a consistent gift of diplomacy. When asked how he could remain calm and motivated throughout some tense negotiations, he would counsel us with the words of Sun Tzu: “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.”
:-)
Jean

Andrea Hess | Empowered Soul Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 15:20 pm

I agree that we should pursue our dreams. At the same time, we must allow ourselves to be happy now … and let our present happiness be an indicator of whether our dreams are worth pursuing.

When I was 16, I had a dream. I was going to be an opera singer. I pursued my dream with a vengeance. I have both a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree in opera performance. It took me until I was 27 to figure out that my dream was making me completely miserable, because I spent 11 years focused on what I hadn’t accomplished yet.

Now, I make my living as a psychic and intuitive development coach. I still wonder how the heck that happened!!! I have authored a book called “Unlock Your Intuition.” I love writing and teaching. The best thing I ever did for myself was give up my “dream.” I did it consciously, and I’m proud of it.

I’m not advocating giving up one’s dream. But the joy is in the journey, not in the destination. If there is an overwhelming amount of struggle, self-doubt and adversity attached, the joy of the journey is lost. Be open to course corrections. There may be an even better dream waiting for you that is beyond what you could have ever imagined for yourself.

Blessings,
Andrea

Quanology Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 15:40 pm

John - I like that quote: Success shuts everyone one up.

But one thing I don;t agree with in the article, at least for me personally, is to use the naysayers as motivation. I would just rather keep them out of the picture all together. I like the analogy of shooting free throws or shooting baskets with people standing in front of you. They’re just a distraction and it’s much easier to get them out of the way and shoot free throws. I haven’t told my parents yet about the business I’m setting up. I’ll drop the bomb this Xmas but it’ll be too late we’ve already started, we’re doing pretty well, and my mind has had the time and room to get determination etched in stone. There is no turning back. And using the naysayers as motivation, I would argue, is just a bad motivation. The best motivation is simply knowing what you love and going out and doing it.

Advice to Andrew Brunelle - there is no Plan B, just degrees of success with Plan A. Get Plan B out of your mind - it will only bring you down. Forget about trying to convince your family - spend the time trying to convince yourself. And you can do that easily once you let go of your family and Plan B. You still love them and spend time with them, but they play golf and are telling you how to swing and you want to play baseball - their advice and fears and worries are irrelevant. Just keep them out of the loop when it comes to your career. Talk to other people who play baseball (comedians, I mean). I’ll bet there’s a bunch of people who make a living as a comedian who would be happy to talk to you and help you out. That’s the sort of thing I’ve done, and I can tell you the difference between talking to them and talking to your family members will be night and day. OK, thank you, goodnight!

Scott Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 16:01 pm

I love this post, but have one problem with it: I think that surrounding yourself with those who are only positive and encouraging is as dangerous as surrounding yourself with negative naysayers. We need people (or combinations of people) who are balanced: offering both support and challenge, both positive and negative viewpoints, so that we live in the real world while moving in the directions of our dreams.

I have a wonderful friend who is very supportive, but also very challenging. He has helped me see that a few business ideas would have been disasters (or at least not have nearly the result I was imagining), and I’m thankful that I avoided them. I may have seen that myself anyway, and probably would have, but it certainly saved time and also helped me see how to look more realistically at ideas in the future.

At the moment, I’m working on the development of what is looking like a very promising business, and he is very supportive (after he tried to find flaws and couldn’t). I might instead be working on one of the far less promising ideas, but I’m glad I was dissuaded from those and am thankful to be on the path I’m on!

Love,
Scott

Etavitom Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 17:27 pm

Thanks for another profound bit of wisdom. Staying motivated is truly the key for anyone wishing to accomplish grand things. Make sure to surround yourself with positive people who support your dreams and remember to always think BIG!

Grant Stolle Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 18:27 pm

I know the feelings you are fighting. I work for a clothing line that does sustainable clothing out of Portland Oregon called Sameunderneath. The CEO of Sameunderneath went 8 years hustling his clothes out of his apartment, cramped offices, and anywhere that would take it. Years of people telling us we can’t combine stylish clothes with sustainable fashion has now turned into a bandwagon people wanna jump on. Now we own two stores and have over 100 accounts across the US. I jumped off the safety wagon to join in on this venture and wouldn’t give it up for the world. Setting our own goals and learning through mistakes gives us an appreciation for what we accomplish.

It takes so much dedication and a lot of hard long nights. It takes sweat and tears but in the end, do you want a manager at Best Buy telling you that you gotta be in at 2 AM for truck duty?

I didn’t. Now I’m happy.

Good luck, and feel free to contact us about the Fashion industry.
Bless,
Verbz

David Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 18:59 pm

Brilliant article :) I have a dream, I’m at the age where there is a cross road. Lot’s of people are taking the other path and many are advising me to take it and not follow my dream. They have said that it’s a not the right path! Rubbish. I’m following my dream, every day it becomes closer and one day I will realise it.

Ollie Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 19:46 pm

Terrible advice, I think. I’d advocate mindful realism over relentless optimism - or pessimism - any day.

Evan Hadkins Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 20:19 pm

OK I’ll be the disagreeable one.

Doubts can be your friends.

If you fight yourself you always lose. Don’t fight your doubts. Welcome them, let them say everything they have to say. Here them out. Do they sound paranoid? If you listened to them would you be paralysed forever? Do they raise things you need to look at right now?

What you do depends on how realistic your doubts are. If you ignore them you may miss out on learning about major problems. If you ignore them you will always miss out on listening to a part of yourself (however childish and paranoid we may be. And if we are we may want to do something about this - but we won’t find out if we don’t listen).

Listen to your doubts. At worst you will be kind to yourself. At best you may learn about genuine problems.

So I guess this is from a nay-sayer. But I want our doubts to help us move realistically forward.

Paula Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 20:57 pm

Thank you for typing up this article.

A few months ago I decided to move to the Philippines to finish my last two years of college and if plans go as follows, I’ll be living there by next year.

I told my Mom first, who, thankfully, supports my decision. It took a month for me to tell friends–lo and behold, out came the “naysayers”.

For the past couple of weeks now I have been affected by their negative stories about the Philippines and how the education in the US is far better–all of this even after I’ve done my research and told them that the Philippines offers high quality education AND at a cheaper price. I even have people hoping that I won’t go and stated that I’ll be changing my mind anyway, thereby adding further negativity.

I have been squashing these thoughts, but my army of squashers are low in number. But with this article, you have given hope for my goals of traveling. Like Valerie, I have goals too — work in an international corporation that probably has something to do with the Internet/technology or advertising, travel constantly and learn learn learn, while helping people in poverty in the Philippines.

So, I asked myself, “Why not start now?”

Therefore, I WILL be moving to the Philippines, and no naysayer will stop me. From this article, I realized, hell, I DO HAVE A PLAN! Thanks for the recharge!

Sam Jew Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 21:17 pm

I’m sorry, but unless she’s so heinous-looking that that’s truly her best option, any female who plans to wait until after 30 to settle down is either stupid or a prostitute.

nihil Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 21:22 pm

He is able who thinks he is able. –Buddha

kevin Says:

November 23rd, 2007, 21:26 pm

check out this video on youtube - Tony Robbins telling the Sly Stallone / Rocky story - absolutely awesome persistence….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywuse55qU2A

William Says:

November 24th, 2007, 2:26 am

Unknowingly I followed many of your suggestions, early in my life and chased a dream. I lived it but it had its price, and one I would still pay again, I once heard a saying “follow your bliss” adventure and opportunity should be embraced, and the moments joy will fill your life and make the rest bearable.

KATRINEHOLM'S RUDE ABSTRACT PAINTINGS Says:

November 24th, 2007, 4:06 am

It’s true. Just keep moving towards your goal and learn.

Fred Says:

November 24th, 2007, 5:56 am

Another great article.

Thank you.

My fear has always been waking up one day at the age of 40 feeling unhappy because i didn’t pursue my dreams.

At 29 am just beginning to live and I’m enjoying every moment of the ride. For years I allowed Negative people around me to influence everything i tried to do until i said no more. I will do things on my own and i will get there with the support of positive friends and family. I’m much better off than i was a year ago and i continue to grow as a person. I wake up each day with a smile because i finally know what to do with my life.

Richard Rinyai Says:

November 24th, 2007, 8:33 am

This is exactly how I met my wife. My dream was to find someone that I would love for the rest of my life.

My wife at the time was seeing someone else. She was in a really bad relationship and I kept telling myself that I can show her a better way. I kept at it and finally made her realize it. She was very thankful and happy that she met me.

My dream did come true because I was persistent and felt in my heart of hearts that it was meant to be and made it come true.

Thanks,

Richard Rinyai
http://www.theprofessionalassistant.net

Steve R. Says:

November 24th, 2007, 11:21 am

This works:
1. Put your dream on paper, as specifically as possible;
2. Write a plan to get there;
3. Execute that plan.
Measurable steps show you that you are making progress, and you will reach your goals if your plan is sound. If there is a flaw in the plan, change it - it’s your plan, you should update it as circumstances dictate. Just remember - you can’t possibly fail if you don’t ever quit.

If there are doubters in your life bringing you down, let them know that your participation in their life is optional and you do not value their negativity. Remove them from your life if they continue to try to bring you down or ‘back to reality’ - I had to move 800 miles from my family to achieve this, but it was worth it.

burningchrome Says:

November 24th, 2007, 12:22 pm

I’m not a betting fellow, but I’ll wager that some of these “naysayers” are those whom Valerie currently depends upon financially - i.e her parents. That’s a tough situation because parents sometimes play the “financial leverage” card to discourage the big dreams of their children. They do this out of concern for their child’s welfare (they don’t want him or her to get hurt) or even envy (a son or daughter’s big dreams reminds them of the lost opportunities of their youth).

The key is to start developing financial independence while developing the skills necessary to eventually make the move on your own. Do your research, develop your plan, and stick with it - but only divulge the details to other people who are supportive of your goals. And realize that bold undertakings sometimes intimidate people - even those who are very close to you.

BTW, Hong Kong is a cool city. Keep at it!

Ben Clapton Says:

November 24th, 2007, 17:14 pm

How to Walk through Steel Reinforced Walls and achieve other similarly impossible feats

The above is a great post on what this guy told a kid who was ttrying to walk through a wall (like Harry Potter). While a funny idea and concept, we all have our metaphorical Steel Walls that we need to walk through - so there’s some great advice here. A couple of my favourite tips that he’s given:
Decide that nothing, including steel reinforcements, can stop you. Why settle for plaster walls? Go for the steel-reinforced walls.
Cherish the people that believe in you. I think in this situation Valerie, this is one that you really need. I’ve been pursuing a goal of becoming an Orchestral Violinist. I’ve had lots of people say that I’ll never make it Just have a read of some of these reviews of a recording I placed on the internet. That brings me to the next point: Dropkick the Dude Yamahas. In order for me to get over all those comments - which hurt incredibly - I had to say to myself that those people didn’t matter to me. I focus more on the people that believe in me. I figure, they are believing in me, I have no right to let them down. The people that don’t believe in me don’t matter.
And finally, Don’t stop until you’ve done it!

Kevin Says:

November 24th, 2007, 18:32 pm

You only live life once. So live the best life you can, as you see fit.

And remember, once you’re past the poverty level, money and material possessions don’t contribute much to happiness. Better to pursue experiences, and things that you personally find pleasurable and meaningful.

Greg Says:

November 24th, 2007, 21:07 pm

This is a great post. Well written. Just wanted to give an extra shout out to the Alchemist. A fantastic book. I recommend the audio version, read by Jeremy Irons. http://www.audibrowse.com/idx/book.aspx?i=BK_HARP_001154

John Stefano Says:

November 25th, 2007, 0:46 am

As a person who has read the Alchemist and also lived in HK I enjoyed this. I actually started a business there and became quite successful. Success comes with humility and a bad memory. I had a mother that talked quite a lot as a child. My propensity to ignore people who are intimidated by my thoughts and dreams have made me more successful in life. My ability to also forget these events is paramount. When you are truly enjoying yourself it doesn’t really matter. You forget quickly. As a entrepreneur and someone who pursued his dreams to fruition, be careful not to judge people because it’s really just a form of judging yourself, it sets the parameter for growth and limits the boundaries of your personal experience!!!

Hannah Joseph Says:

November 25th, 2007, 13:42 pm

when people doubt me, I get ambitious. I suddenly have to work even harder to prove them wrong. I don’t know why, but these sudden feelings rush inside of me. I’m very close to achieving my dreams, and I won’t let anyone stand in my way!

Dreamers keep on dreaming…

Robert Morrow Says:

November 25th, 2007, 21:14 pm

I hope everybody reads the message of achieving their dream. I have achieved my dreams over and over again. First I escaped my redneck stepfather, who was a true can not do person. I was able to become a retired Veteran, retired Cosmetologist, credentialed instructor, R.V. repair tech and now a Chef and Chef instructor. I have just completed a course in catering with high grades and love to teach and go to school. Age has not slow me down and I do not listen to doom and gloom people. As long as I can I will do and never never stop. Take heed I am 78 and will live to 150 years to accomplish what I dream to do.

Alan Says:

November 26th, 2007, 6:09 am

Gosh. Where to begin.

How about “sometimes, other people are right”.

I’ve seen American Idol, I’ve seen kids who believe that they can sing, they can’t, they get told that they can’t, and the truth hurts them deeply. And behind every one of these kids are pushy parents telling their lumpy offspring that they can be the next Christina Aguilera and just to ignore big nasty Simon Cowell.

They’re not helping the poor kid. They’re propogating a form of child abuse.

That doesn’t mean I think you should give up on your dreams - far from it - as long as they’re reachable at all. some - like Valerie’s - are eminently reachable (I did much the same myself). Others - like Robert Morrow’s plan of living to 150 - are a little more fanciful.

Peace & Love Cowgirl Says:

November 26th, 2007, 9:36 am

To Alan:

It’s not what you have, it’s what you do with what you have.

Look at Bob Dylan…

Bill Says:

November 26th, 2007, 13:53 pm

I grew upin a “fixed neighborhood” i.e. born, grew up, school and worked in the family or neighborhood business, etc. went to church regularly, etc. No one left the “neighborhood”.
I did! Had the best job in the world, most free time, traveled the world, & a beautiful family. What more?

Alvin Says:

November 27th, 2007, 23:09 pm

Great post Leo!

I agree 100%, once you let doubt enter your life, left unchecked it creeps up into all other areas.

The good news is once you get used to overcoming doubt in one area of your life, that confidence grows into other areas too.

I’d say don’t just cut out negative people from your life - which I’ve done and become happier for it - but negative environments as well.

Avoid places that are noisy, dirty and ugly. And for your own house, no matter how luxurious or how old your place is, you can always keep it neat, uncluttered and clean. It’s amazing the changes a beautiful environment can have on your state of mind.

Warren Says:

November 28th, 2007, 1:00 am

“I want to run through the halls of my high school, I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world; just a lie you’ve got to rise above.”

-John Mayer
Lyrics from No Such Thing
on the Album: Room For Squares

(The song changed my life)