Photo courtesy of Olivier Bareau 20 Things I Wish I Had Known When Starting Out in Life
“Everything has been figured out, except how to live.” - Jean-Paul Sartre
I’m nearly 35 years old, and I’ve made my share of mistakes in my life. I’m not a big believer in regrets … and I have learned tremendously from every single mistake … and my life is pretty great.
However, there are a few things I wish I had known when I was graduating from high school and starting out as an adult in life.
Would I change things? I’m not so sure. I might never have gotten into a mountain of debt, but then I wouldn’t have learned the amazing satisfaction of getting out of it. I might have made better career choices, but then I wouldn’t have all the work experience that makes me the blogger and writer that I am today.
I might not have gotten married that first time, so that I would never have gotten divorced … but then I wouldn’t have my first two beautiful wonderful incredible children from that first marriage.
I don’t think I would change any of that. However, looking back, there are some lessons I’ve learned that I would probably tell my 18-year-old self. Do I share them now to share my regrets? No, I share them in hopes that younger men and women, just starting out in life, can benefit from my mistakes and my lessons.
What follows isn’t an exhaustive list, but it’s one that I hope proves useful to at least a few people.
“I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it.” - Jack Handey
- How to control impulse spending. If there’s anything that got me in trouble financially, it’s impulse spending. Buying clothes when I don’t need them. Buying gadgets because I gotta have them. Ordering stuff online because it’s so easy. Buying that new shiny SUV because … well, because it was going to help me with women. I’m not proud of any of that. I’ve learned to control my impulses, at least a little better. Now, I give myself some time to breathe. I think over my purchases, see if I’ve got the money, think about whether it’s a need or a want. That would have been a useful tool 15 years ago.
- You gotta stay active. I was in track, cross country and basketball in high school, but once I started college, the running and basketball began to slowly fade away. Not right away — I played pick-up basketball for years after high school. But even that went away, until I became sedentary. Playing with my kids outdoors winded me. And I began to get fat. I’ve reversed that trend, and am very active now, but I’m still trying to burn the fat I gained in those inactive years.
- How to plan finances. I always knew that I was supposed to budget and track my spending, when I became an adult. I just was too lazy to do it. And I didn’t have a good idea of how to actually do it. Now, I’ve learned how to plan, and how to stick to that plan. Sure, I deviate from my plan, but I’ve learned how to handle that too. Maybe that’s not a skill you can learn from book reading. You just gotta practice. Well, I hope to teach it to my children before they go out on their own.
- Junk food will come back to bite you in the butt. Yeah, it wasn’t just the sedentary lifestyle that got me fat. It was all the damn junk food too. I would eat pizza and burgers and Twinkies and sugar cereal and desserts and donuts and … well, you get the picture. As someone used to being able to eat whatever I wanted, it never seemed like it would be a problem. Bad health was something to worry about when you got old. Well, my jeans began to get way too tight, and to my horror, I climbed several pants sizes and developed a gut that only now is going away. I wish someone had shown me an “after” picture when I was young and downing the Big Gulp sodas.
- Smoking is just dumb. I didn’t start smoking until I was well into my adult years. I won’t go into why I started, but it didn’t seem like a problem, because I knew I could quit anytime I wanted. Or I thought I could, at least, until several years later I gave it a go and couldn’t do it. Five failed quits later and I realized with horror that my addiction was stronger than I was. Sure, I eventually beat the habit (quit date: Nov. 18, 2005) but it took a piece of my soul to do it.
- Fund your retirement, son. And don’t withdraw it. This piece of wisdom, and probably all the ones above, might seem blisteringly obvious. And they are. Don’t think I didn’t know this when I was 18. I did. I just didn’t pay it serious attention. Retirement was something I could worry about when I was in my 30s. Well, I’m in my 30s now and I wish I could slap that little 18-year-old Leo around a bit. What money I could have invested by now! I had a retirement plan, but on the 3 occasions when I changed jobs, I withdrew that and spent it frivolously.
- All the stuff you’re doing that seems hard — it will be of use. This is the first one that might not be as obvious. There were times in my life when work was hard, and I did it anyway, but hated it. I did it because I had to, but boy did it stress me out and leave me exhausted. Hard work isn’t as easy as I wanted it to be. But you know what? Every bit of hard work I did without knowing why I was doing it … it’s paid off for me in the long run. Maybe not right away, but I’m using skills and habits I learned during those times of high stress and long hours and tedious work — I use them all the time, and they’ve made me into the person I am today. Thank you, younger Leo!
- Don’t buy that used van without checking it out closely. I thought I was being smart by buying used, but I didn’t check it out carefully enough. That dang van had loads of engine problems, a door that nearly fell off when I was driving, a door handle that snapped off, a side mirror that fell off, no spare tire despite three tires that were ready to blow (and did), windows that didn’t roll up, rattling noises, an eventual blown radiator … I could go on and on, but let’s just say that it wasn’t my best purchase. I still think buying used is smart, but check things out closely first.
- That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you. I sold another car to a friend of a friend, who I was sure would pay me even if I had nothing in writing. That was smart. I still see the guy once in awhile on the road, but I don’t have the energy to do a U-turn and chase after him.
- Make time to pursue your passion, no matter how busy you are. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and get a book published. I just never had time to write. With a family and school and a full-time job, there just weren’t enough hours in the day. Well, I’ve learned that you have to make those hours. Set aside a block of time to do what you love, cut out other stuff from your life that take up your time, and don’t let anything interfere with that work. If I had done that 15 years ago, I could have 15 books written by now. Not all would be great, but still.
- All that stuff that’s stressing you out — it won’t matter in 5 years, let alone 15. When things are happening to you right now, they mean all the world. I had deadlines and projects and people breathing down my neck, and my stress levels went through the roof. I don’t regret the hard work (see above) but I think I would have been less stressed if I could have just realized that it wouldn’t matter a single bit just a few years down the road. Perspective is a good thing to learn.
- The people you make friends with are so much more important than your job or the things you buy. I’ve had a few jobs, I’ve bought a lot of things, and I’ve made a few friends over these last 15 years. Of those, the only thing that still matter to me are the friends. And I wish I could have spent more time with friends (and family) than on the other things.
- All that time you spend watching TV is a huge, huge waste of time. I don’t know how much TV I’ve watched over the years, but it’s a crapload. Hours and days and weeks I’ll never have back. Who cares what happens on reality TV, when reality is slipping by outside? Time is something you’ll never get back — don’t waste it on TV.
- Your kids are going to grow up way faster than you think. Don’t waste a minute. I just had an Oh My God moment recently. My oldest daughter, Chloe, is 14 going on 15 next month. I have 3 years left with her before she leaves my house and becomes an adult. Three years! I am floored by that single fact, because it really doesn’t seem anywhere near enough time. I want to go back to my younger self and whack that younger Leo on the head and say Stop working so hard! Stop watching TV! Spend more time with your kids! These last 15 years with Chloe (and my other wonderful kids) have gone by much, much too fast.
- Forget the drama. Focus on being happy. There have been many things that have happened to me, professionally and personally, that seem like the end of the world. And while these things were bad, they get blown up in our heads so that they become major drama. They caused me to be depressed from time to time. What a waste of time. If I realized that it was all in my head, and that I could be happy instead if I focused on the positive, on what I did have, and what I could be doing … I could have skipped all the moping about.
- Pay more attention to blogs when you first hear about them. They’re more than just journals. I first read about blogs 7-8 years ago, but when I took a look at them they didn’t seem like anything of interest. Just some people’s journals about stuff they read on the web. Why would I want to read those? I have my own thoughts about the web, but I don’t need to share them with the world. I spent a lot of time on the Internet, on various sites and forums, but every time I happened upon a blog I would brush past it without interest. It wasn’t until a couple years ago that I discovered what wonderful things they could be (I mentioned some of my early favorites in my list of influences). If I had gotten into blogging years ago … well, I wouldn’t have been wasting all that time.
- Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty. I forget things really easily. Not short-term stuff, but long-term. I don’t remember things about my kids’ early years, because I didn’t record any of it. I don’t remember things about my life. It’s like a lot of foggy memories that I’ll never have access to. I wish I had kept a journal.
- Tequila is seriously evil. I won’t go into details, but it should suffice to say that I had some bad experiences, and I’m not sure I learned very much from them or benefited in any way except to learn that tequila is the drink of the Devil.
- Yes, you can do a marathon. Don’t put this goal off — it’s extremely rewarding. Running a marathon had always been a dream of mine, since high school … something I wanted to do but thought was out of reach. Or if I ever did it, it would be years and years later. Well, I learned that it’s not only achievable, it’s incredibly rewarding. I wish I had started training when I was young and light and fit … I could have had some good finishing times!
- All these mistakes you’re going to make, despite this advice? They’re worth it. My 18-year-old self would probably have read this post and said, “Good advice!” And then he would have proceeded to make the same mistakes, despite good intentions. I was a good kid, but I wasn’t good at following advice. I had to make my own mistakes, and live my own life. And that’s what I did, and I don’t regret a minute of it. Every experience I’ve had (even the tequila ones) have led me down the path of life to where I am today. I love where I am today, and wouldn’t trade it for another life for all the world. The pain, the stress, the drama, the hard work, the mistakes, the depression, the hangovers, the debt, the fat … it was all worth it.
“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.” - Mark Twain
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- Posted on 17 February 2008 in Finance & Family, Fitness, Goals, Happiness, Parenting |
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Comments (233)
banji - LessonInLife.com Says:
February 17th, 2008, 21:59 pm
Very inspiring Leo :) Nicely done.
I guess the best piece of advice is number 20, in which all the mistake is actually the one thing that shape us to what we are now. If we don’t get fat by being a couch-potato, we will never cherish the health we have now.
But of course, we are working against time. And we couldn’t afford to spend our life making mistake. It would be great if we can do it the first time.
Learning from each other’s mistake will be the best way to do just that :)
Annie Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:14 pm
Great post! 15 is just what I needed right now. You have a knack for posting things just when I need them… ;)
Clay Collins | The Growing Life Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:26 pm
I’d like to add one more. Read? Here it is: make time to sleep in (follow the link associated with my name at the top).
This, by the way, is hilarious:
“That guy you’re going to sell your car to? On a gentleman’s agreement? He’s not gonna pay you.”
More than just an interesting list, Leo, this is good writing Leo. Thanks for sharing.
Carly Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:26 pm
As your target demographic, thanks. Good advice…especially no. 5. I have only been smoking regularly for a few months, and was just thinking yesterday about how there might still be time to drop it…well put. Dualy noted.
Clay Collins | The Growing Life Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:29 pm
um… see my earlier comment for a real life example of why Leo is right about #18 :-) — I’m referring to the typos.
I’m Digging this.
Eric Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:40 pm
Learn from yesterday. Always keep your cup empty to learn and take in more knowledge and appreciate the experience of others. Even though Life is NOW, remember decisions we make affect our future…..
Melissa Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:41 pm
I’m 20 and just ’starting out’, I’ve been reading your post for a while now and think you are a very talented writer…along with many other blogs I read…
I have a spending problem…I’m not in that much debt, lets face it i haven’t had the time, but I did get a loan to buy a car…which I love my car, but I did have and old bomb that died so I was desperate for a car and wasn’t going to settle for any less, I could’ve, but I’m stubborn.
I work full time and am trying to save my pennies…but I have a problem, I try to fool myself and as much as I talk myself out of spending my money on frivolous things like, my 20yr old self talks me into buying them, I’m starting to think It’s a fact of nature that when we are young we are so trained to have the need to buy every cute little thing that catches our fancy…and let me tell you it is extremely hard to fight those urges…It is hard not to say ok put it on credit i’ll pay it off with next fortnights pay…and when you and your friends go out, you say well i’ll just borrow money from mum and pay her back next week, because it’s so easy to do that.
but your list I’ve been inspired by…and unfortunately yes I will probably go on to make some mistakes but just hope that I can keep these to remind me, that if I make goals to really work at them, be happy and live a fulfilling life, realise that the new Macbook air that I want will mean nothing compared to the time I spend with my family and friends.
John Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:45 pm
From the perspective of a 52 yr old, that may be the best blog entry you’ve made yet.
Now if you could just get you’re younger readers to LISTEN….;)
Zack Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:48 pm
I really like this blog a lot. I am a huge believer in both Simplicity and Zen training. So, I suppose I would fit the requirements to be a prime reader of this blog.
Honestly, the minute I saw it, I fell in love. The design and the content are both excellent.
Listing the things that you wish you would have done is really grounding for me. The two most important factors that you mentioned, for me anyhow, were financial planning and keeping a journal.
Financial planning is something I have little experience in and should probably learn now! Although I don’t buy nearly anything at all, I will be paying off some college loans and financial planning will be important.
Keeping a journal is something that seems very important as well. Keeping track of what I am doing is good for mental awareness of what I have done today and looking back on what I had done 5, 10, or 20 years ago.
Wonderful post!
Victor Says:
February 17th, 2008, 22:54 pm
I’ve made a lot of the same mistakes. As I am coming up on the big Five-O I am still working on number 19. I used to
run cross country and track also, but the junk food and sodas were catching up fast. I am in better shape now than when I
was in my 30s. Will run a half marathon this year, but not at the pace I used to in my teens.
I think that even if I could have seen my future at an early age and avoided most of the mistakes I have made, it would only have opened up a whole new set of temptations and problems to deal with.
Naomi Dunford Says:
February 17th, 2008, 23:12 pm
This is a really great list, Leo. I’d love to say I wish I’d read it when I was 17, but I would’ve done the same thing you would’ve done. “Man, that’s awesome!” and moved on with my life.
I will say, though, that I’m 26 and if I can read this now and get my butt in gear, well, maybe I won’t be kicking myself at 36. That would be progress, at least. :)
Marelisa Says:
February 17th, 2008, 23:15 pm
Leo, I like your post and would add the following:
1. I wish I had learned the importance of goal setting a lot earlier in life.
2. Although perseverance is one of the most important attributes of the uber-successful, there are times when you simply have to cut your losses and move on. When a situation is hopeless, throwing more resources at it (time, energy, money) at an attempt to salvage it because you’ve already put so much into it is just wasteful.
3. Eighty percent of what happens to you in life, the good and the bad, is a result of the people you surround yourself with. Choose your company wisely.
4. Pay attention to what drains your energy and what gives you energy. Avoid the first and do more of the second. (Sounds obvious, but somehow it’s not.)
5. Meditate daily.
6. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, but instead be grateful for all that do you have.
This being said, I’ve also done a lot of things right, so I’m not going to be too hard on myself for the mistakes I’ve made.
Kevin @ Change Your Tree Says:
February 17th, 2008, 23:29 pm
Awesome list.
I think I would have thrown in some stuff about parenting, but that’s my list and this is your list.
Great job and thanks for this resource and wake up call.
john Says:
February 17th, 2008, 23:34 pm
Nice list. Of course, the devil is in the details. Trash tv can be a giant time sink for many people. But there is also great, educational, entertaining television that can definitely add quality to one’s life.
At the same time you can spend hours everyday on blogs that add nothing.
Each to his own.
Michael Says:
February 17th, 2008, 23:59 pm
#15, once you get that place everything else should follow.
range Says:
February 18th, 2008, 0:09 am
I liked how this post and list was personalized.
There are things like not spending money on frivolous articles which are hard to learn. It’s hard to see the big picture.
My wife and I had a life in Montreal. But we were both unhappy living in the city and we wanted to more. On an impulse, we sold our condo, sold the car and moved to teach in Taiwan.
I don’t love Taiwan, but it’s made me realize a lot of things. My wife and I went back to school. We are both pursuing graduate degrees.
The thing is that you have to realize the stuff that other people say or that you read before really understanding them and being able to implement them in your life. Reading them doesn’t change anything. You have to want to change and see that the change would be something good. There is nothing worse than being stuck in stasis.
Santosh Says:
February 18th, 2008, 0:17 am
Amazing list :-)
I’ve been reading Zen Habits for quite sometime now and i must say its one of the best blogs i’ve come across.
There’s something more i felt like adding - always being yourself and knowing who you are from inside. There is nothing better than knowing oneself & living your dreams.
Teresa Says:
February 18th, 2008, 0:21 am
For me, #11 is key. It’s so easy to get caught up in the stress of day to day life. It helps a lot to remind myself that while something may seem enormous today, a year from now it will probably be inconsequential.
@Marelisa: Your comment about the importance of the people you surround you with is so key. I learned this one a little later in life than I had hoped. If only someone had told me that as an 18 year old AND I really knew what it meant.
Laura Says:
February 18th, 2008, 0:38 am
I love your blog! Especially this post.
seriocomic Says:
February 18th, 2008, 0:59 am
Wow, that was a spooky read considering how much it reflected my own life (even down to the date we quit smoking). I don’t have any kids yet, so there were some differences.
I have just turned 36, decided to quit my job and move to a new country and start again, this time doing things the right way.
A couple of good lines that you can throw into the mix are:
“the things you own - own you”
and one of the better gems that allowed me to get past my self-consciousness and desire to impress;
“when you’re 20, you care about what people think about you, when you’re 40, you stop caring, when you turn 60 you realize they were never thinking about you anyway”…
Keep up the inspirational work!
Leo sebastian Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:00 am
Hey Leo,
Great to hear that you used to play basketball too…See now am having 3 things in common to you. First, Name…second, Zen and now basketball..hehe..Again a nice post :)
Nalle Rooth Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:18 am
Hi Leo,
Great post (as always). I’m turning 26 in a week, but I’ve actually managed to do a lot of the things you mention already.
What I’ve learned so far is probably one of the most important things in life; you have to make mistakes in order to develop a greater understanding of how you actually work.
I really like your blog, it’s an inspiration to us all!
Thank you!
Nalle Rooth, Sweden
Justin Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:41 am
Unfortunately, I have to agree with the statement that tequila is the drink of the Devil! Oy.
Melanie Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:48 am
Oh, what a revealing list!
I wish I could’ve convinced my younger self that the hard, penny-pinching, minimum-wage times I faced twenty years ago would end some day, and would even seem romantic or desirable: less money seemed to equal fewer possessions, and fewer responsibilities.
Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:55 am
I didn’t think Zen Habits could get any better. Clearly I was wrong! This is officially one of my favorites so far!
The whole idea of enjoying life is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Over the vacation I sat down and read through all my journal entries since I was 15 (I’m 21 now) and was really blown away. Some of the things I learned include what you’ve talked about:
• Don’t sweat the small stuff or waste time with things that don’t matter because, as Dale Carnegie says, “Life’s too short to be little.”
• We all make mistakes, none of which matter because every moment is a fresh opportunity to start over.
• Pursue your passions! That’s the most important thing. There’s a great quote in Success Built to Last that reads, “Carve out a little time each week to experiment in some way with one of your other passions because every single one counts. You don’t have to make a career out of everything that is meaningful to you, but you do need to find a place for everything that is matters.”
(Oh, and tequila is most definitely evil! YUK!)
Jeff Says:
February 18th, 2008, 1:58 am
Something about how this post is highly personalized… it really came across as effective.
I was expecting a list of 20 feel-good platitudes — those how-to-lives that are helpful, but sometimes too abstract to be actionable. Instead I got advice on tequila and selling cars — this advice sorta feels more real.
Thanks for the wonderful post.
Chelsey Says:
February 18th, 2008, 2:30 am
Hey Leo -
This list is wonderful!
It’s especially inspiring for me, as I am an 18 and in my first year of college.
I try to do a lot of these things everyday …
the money thing is a biggie. It’s everyone’s biggie …
This list goes back to an essential part of human beings: We are always trying to control our lives, always trying to be happier and more successful.
Life can be so monotonous, no matter what happens, because we have this singular mindset of trying to improve ourselves and our lives. It’s almost like we can never be satisfied. I feel this way often … and it’s infinitely frustrating, not to mention exhausting.
This could be a good subject for you to write about, Leo.
Dan T Says:
February 18th, 2008, 2:40 am
Thanks for re-visiting my question.
Annie Says:
February 18th, 2008, 2:58 am
John, who said “From the perspective of a 52 yr old, that may be the best blog entry you’ve made yet.
Now if you could just get you’re younger readers to LISTEN….;)”
Don’t worry. I’m 16. (Lol! No joke, I swear!) Guess what? I’m listening! Learning from Leo’s advice and what I’ve observed in society :) But I’m a really unusual 16 year old, and hardly like any other, so don’t expect too much…XD
Pizzamancer Says:
February 18th, 2008, 3:18 am
Great post. I sent it out to all of my siblings. Where were you 20 years ago, and why didn’t you tell me then.
Nah, scratch that, I think I still would have made those mistakes as well. Did you mean that Tequila is evil and we shouldn’t drink it? I always knew it was evil, but I think of it like the flame that draws in the moth.
macmuc Says:
February 18th, 2008, 3:35 am
Thank you for this inspring post. Especially what you said about smoking is just too true…..
Leslie Young Says:
February 18th, 2008, 4:03 am
Hahaha…Tequila is evil!! I love how everyone has their own tequila horror stories. We all have to learn about it the hard way!
Crystal at www.jewelfaerie.com Says:
February 18th, 2008, 4:18 am
Hi Leo!
The only thing I’d add is something about trusting your intuition as it’s always right!
Great minds think alike, I posted “10 Things I’d like to go back and tell my 25-year-old-self” 2 weeks ago- I should’ve added the tequila but I think my (very humbling) experience with that was at age 19! ha!
Take care,
~Crystal
http://www.jewelfaerie.com
Crystal at www.jewelfaerie.com Says:
February 18th, 2008, 4:28 am
Sorry, just wanted to add that the second link I provided above doesn’t work. Click on my name at the top of either comment if you’d like to see that blog I referenced. Any input you might have would be warmly welcomed :-) Take care!
Television Spy Says:
February 18th, 2008, 5:33 am
Great tips actually. Tequilla isn’t as horrible as Jamaican rum aka Caribbean Drain-o.
Philipp W. Says:
February 18th, 2008, 5:35 am
Thanks! I’ve just brought my first real relationship to an end after suffering for more than one month. So 15 really is what currently helps the most. I mighty add one thing: There are no bad experiences. There are only the ones of which you later think about of not having being worth making.
To quote Sir Karl Popper: “All Life is Problem Solving”.
Magnus Says:
February 18th, 2008, 6:15 am
Thanks for a great blog. I’ve read some of your other stuff, and whereas I have appreciated them in many ways, there was some kind of savoryness in this one which really spoke to me. I really appreciate how you bring your person into what you say. And how could one not, every word you say is born of this network of happenings and interactions, this experience of life, unique to you.
I’m sure I’d have done most of my mistakes again, aswell, had I been able to give advice to myself. What really surprise, and disappoint me, however, is how little we speak to our children about life and how to live it. Sure, everyone must do their own mistakes and true understanding is often gained the hard way. Still, though, I wish someone had tought me to sail before making me the captin, you know..
Now, in hindsight, I realize, my father is a very skilled sailor, so to say, and he has tought me much. But we never spoke of these things. Perhaps, I was not open to discussing these things, perhaps he tried but I closed him out? I don’t remember, I don’t know.
Anyway, thanks a million! I’m sure your doughter will one day look back to these vitally important last years with you with a smile, thinking to herself, if she could be half the parent you are, she’d be sorted.
Keep it up!
topmate Says:
February 18th, 2008, 6:26 am
You forgot to mention the sunscreen!
Now how did that go again, “Ladies and gentlemen of the class of ‘99…..”
:-)
Magnus Says:
February 18th, 2008, 6:35 am
Oh, allow me to share an anecdote about Zen!
I read somewhere, when a Zen Master was asked to describe the life of a zen master, he is rumoured to have answered:
“the life of a zen master is a series of mistakes”.
This, of course, can be seen in many ways, all of them applicable to your teachings right here. One concept which I find powerful is that of ‘appropriate response’. There are no enlightened people, only enlightened action. That is, meeting the world from stillness and love, always bring about an appropriate response. Not doing so will inevitably create a non-appropriate response to a given situation, also known as a mistake.
Chris Says:
February 18th, 2008, 7:09 am
I like your point 18, Leo. The one about tequila being evil seriously made me laugh.
Justin McKean Says:
February 18th, 2008, 7:20 am
I’m 36 and have had similar go-back-and-tell-him thoughts. I’d make sure to emphasize pursuing the dreams being more important than pursuing the stuff. Stuff - TVs, cars, whatever - just takes up time one can spend with family and friends or chasing that dream.
But it’s your mention of your daughter turning 14 that hits me where it hurts. I’m a non-custodial dad living halfway across the US from my soon-to-be 13 daughter. I’m moving to her town, soon, but how do they get so big so fast? And how can we slow down the next few years to make them be enough? It’s rough, man. Thanks for the post.
Andrew Weaver Says:
February 18th, 2008, 7:56 am
All very good advice, but the part that raised an eyebrow was the Jack Handey quote! Haha… nice touch.
ross Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:30 am
I wish I haven’t done so many things
http://www.spymac.com/details/?2344472
William Zanelli Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:31 am
Wonderful post - I think Marelisa’s suggestions are great too!! The one I’d like to add is “Discpline” - set a goal, write down how to accomplish it and then go out there.. guns blazing to achieve it!!
Scott Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:33 am
I’d add: alternative student loans are EVIL. I wish I’d gone to community college instead getting myself in $25k debt via non-federally funded student loans. Kids, take heed.
katy Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:34 am
i had a good chuckle at #18 :)
Sam Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:36 am
This was so good I just un-adblocked you! Seriously though, excellent write-up.
ammaro Says:
February 18th, 2008, 9:36 am
very inspiring. amazing post; unfortunately sometimes the younger people reading it don’t relate! its only us whove grown up and think, yeaaaah, thats what we should have done! :P
Daey Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:12 am
The most amazing stuff i have read in years!
i’m 35 too.. i look back to, all the 35 year old men/women do that :) it’s life
n Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:15 am
What made you think that owning an SUV was going to help you get women?
Luke Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:16 am
Dude your advice pretty much just made my day, maybe even my week…exactly what I needed to hear especially points 11,12 and 15…A few more tips on relationships would have been awesome given the target audience but otherwise this is just the business!!!
Kristján Freyr Kristjánsson Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:16 am
Thank you for the article, it had some really good points that I will try to keep in mind during the next 60 years :).
From Iceland,
Kristján
Morris Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:17 am
Hi,
Great article, I am 26 .. Not old not young.. I feel like I have wasted the past 10 years.
Anyway,
‘Speaking of which, keep a journal. Seriously. Your memory is extremely faulty.’
My recommendation here is hypnosis, I have used hypnosis to regress people back to child hood to relive special events, deal with trauma.. I even hypnotized someone to remember a friends name, so he could look her up on face book..
I find it to be so very exciting to know that there is more information available to us than we are aware of.
You will be able to experience any of your life you want again.. rectify some things.. etc
Michael Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:19 am
The one about the children, a few years left, where did he time go. I have a young child and spend as much of his waking time as I can with him, I also fear that someday, he just won’t be my little boy anymore. Touching.
Grizz Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:24 am
Good post, Leo. The introspection is what drives it.
My grandpa used to say, “You can’t put an old head on young shoulders.”
But thanks for trying!
Stephen Martile Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:34 am
Hi Leo,
1. Impulse Spending - I must be related to you because I have the same urges. I bought a fancy sports-car so that I could look good and meet the ladies…..that cost me close to $1,000 a month to buy. Yeah, not one of my glorious moments.
I sold the car and ended buying $15,000 in course materials from Peak Potentials. Best thing I ever did. Now I have more income and a great way to manage my money - the JARS System.
You can learn more when you read…
Managing Money - The JARS System
http://www.stephenmartile.com/?p=96
To your prosperity,
Stephen Martile
Personal Development Made Simple
http://www.stephenmartile.com
/wink Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:34 am
So, you hope people will learn from this? People will never learn anything from theory. Practice, the journey, that is where learning lies. I wont stop smoking, or drinking, or any of my bad habits… until i learn that i must. Until something in my life (just like it happened in yours) makes ME realize that i must stop these things.
You understand where i am getting with this? Writing about it, yes, makes it interesting. But as far as people learning from it, it wont happen until they learn for themselves. It is the journey that counts, someone writing about the end result… well, it will not accomplish or encourage anything except agreement.
One thing i have learned about learning, it is in practice.
I’m sure you can agree with this, as like i said, that is the only thing accomplished from someone telling someone else something. Now that you know this, why did you really put this up here?
/wink
GUNNY HARTMAN Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:47 am
Some great stuff here, much of it I’ve learned the “hard way” as well.
Thanks for sharing!
Jacob Bager Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:54 am
All in all you could’t reduce this article to only #20 :)
It says it all .
John-o Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:56 am
Leo,
This is the post I have always been looking for on here, but never knew I wanted.
Thanks!
Steve Says:
February 18th, 2008, 10:58 am
You missed two:
#1: 95% of the friends you make in your 20’s will not be there in 5-10 years.
Your 20’s are party-time. A lot of bad shit happens, and you might even avoid doing some things that you really want to do because of them (like move cross-country, pursue a career that they think you can’t, etc). Don’t sweat anything that happens with them. The chances of them sticking around for more than 10 years are slim to none.
#2: Move away for a couple of years.
Living in a different city away from everyone you know will do wonders for your soul. You’ll be forced to meet new people and experience new things. And don’t just consider living somewhere in your own country … try living as an expatriate in a foreign country! You’ll look back on this time very fondly one day.
Steve Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:02 am
Crud, I forgot one:
#3 - start your own business.
Screw retirement savings, barring a lucky lottery pick, the money you put in your 401k is NOT going to make you wealthy.
If you have the slightest inclination or education, strike out on your own. Your 20’s is the time to do it, because you will probably fail… a few times. But you have nothing to lose. You need as little salary to live as you ever will. You have unlimited upside.
Oh, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you NOT to do this!!
This is one of those things that I did right. By the time I got to my 30’s, I was pretty good at making a nice side-income ($200k/year) off the internet. I was only able to do this because I screwed up 5 times before. Today, I’m wealthy and it’s because I’ve owned two businesses which have made me a lot of money. I don’t need to work, but I probably will the rest of my life because I love it so much.
I go to work at 10am every day. I drink on Fridays. People call me, “boss”. And I don’t have to answer to anyone but the customer. Be sure to do this…!
Dan Perry Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:03 am
Found via Digg. This is a great collection. I’m sending it around to contacts. Thanks for compiling.
Richard Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:23 am
That’s a wonderful list. I’ve sent it on to my oldest daughter and to some of my fellow parents for their kids.
But, I’d like to take issue with one point and add another. First, tequila isn’t evil … it’s mixto Jose Cuervo and college-boy shots that are evil. Good, 100% agave tequila is one of the finer things in life and not to be missed.
Secondly, I would add that you missed an emphasis on “credit cards and the institutions that issue them are evil incarnate.” Unlike the cheap tequila headache, credit cards likely never go away. I watched a Citibank pimp signing up students for credit cards in trade for a free Subway sandwich. Those credit cards will cost them far, far more than they saved on the sandwich.
And since when did it become the norm that kids graduate from college with enormous debt? The colleges have sold young people down the river on that one so that they could raise their prices at a rate much faster than inflation. I’d hate to start out life with that kind of burden hanging over me. I’m not sure that the advantage gained from a “name school” (for the first couple years, at least) is offset by the debt you would have avoided had you gone to a decent community college.
Just my two-cents. Thanks!
kevinb Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:37 am
Good post. I really enjoyed the save early and dump the materialism. I think a lot more people would live a happier life if they came to the realization that there will always be a better item out there, a better car, a better house and tv. When they break you can always go out and get another one.
The best things in the life are the things that are irreplaceable. Once they are gone you cant upgrade them, buy another one, or bring them back.
Simon Schofield Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:43 am
Wow, I’m inspired, I think you’re right, being a teenager I’m aware of all the ‘drama’ you’re on about, and you’re right, I think about ‘ooh, so and so’s fallen out with so and so’ and I just now thought to myself… what does that mean? Who’s life is over because 2 people fall out? 5 year’s time I probably wouldn’t have known that person anyway, thanks for that, keep up your work.
I think point 20 is especially relevant, people view mistakes as a big negative, but, considering we all live reasonably similar lifestyles, and have similar experiences, it’s mainly the mistakes we make that set us apart from others, we all have a unique list of mistakes :P
Chris Laskey Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:47 am
Leo,
I’m glad to see you’re not bitter about the pasts misgivings, and are able to see the silver linings in the tough times and mistakes when you were younger.
That outlook permeates the list, making it a refreshing read.
I agree wholeheartedly about staying active, away from junk food and smoking. The body is an incredible machine, respecting it always pays off in spades. Speaking of that, as someone who finally had a breakthrough in their long distance running, I’m thankful for the encouragement about running a marathon.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned firsthand the misgivings of Tequila. Here’s to cutting down the boob-tube time in 2008.
Cheers
skyz Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:51 am
#7 - my first college major was architecture then i switched to music (and the first thing i did after becoming a music major was give away my tv #13) music was hard especially for someone like me used to breezing through academia - but i was in love and willing to suffer for my love - after many years i added music business and on the first day i had a marvelous epiphany ‘you can make serious money and have the life you want from your music studies (the same ones that made you weep in frustration)’
Margi Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:56 am
@Marelisa - awesome additions!
I didn’t read every comment (man, you’ve got a following today!), but the ones I read echo my own thoughts. Your blog is always inspiring and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing!
Oh, I’d like to add that butterscotch schnapps (aka the “butter baby”) is also the devil, when combined with jaegermeister, rumpelmintze, purple hooter, goldschlager, and whatever the heck else I had that night. I still can’t even smell butterscotch candy. Blah. (that was 8 1/2 years ago and boy did I learn my lesson!)
Roy Says:
February 18th, 2008, 11:58 am
seen in tv that the happiest people are in netherlands due to achievable expectations, nourished by a feeling of content of what they have. not driven to have more and more and even more. hmmm. #21?
Mark Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:05 pm
Good post. Most of these are common sense–save for the future, don’t watch tv, etc.. But overall this is good advice. The shame of it is that most 20-something year olds will read it, nod their heads, and then keep doing what they’re doing–making the same mistakes, maybe in different ways. I know because I did this ( I’m older). One I liked was #11–whatever you do now won’t matter years from now. I was writing for a national magazine 15 years ago, sweating deadlines, thinking every article was important. Now I I can barely remember them. On the other hand, there are things you will remember–for example, your child’s first steps, that vacation to Hawaii or when one of your kids finally graduates. Yes, keep a journal–you’ll be amazed looking back 10 and 15 years later to see what your life was really like. My oldest sons are now in college in other states and it’s one of the best things I ever did vs relying on my faulty memory.
Ole Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:05 pm
Thank you for your great post! As a 16-year old, I may not recognize all the problems, but I know what stress is, and your advice really helps me keep going with my head up.
I have gotten a new blog added to my top sites-list and RSS feed (discovered through Digg). I will keep reading your posts.
Tony H. Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:08 pm
WOW, i am very inspired by this. VERY good writing here, and valuble. You should realize that hundreds, possibly thousands will be equally as inspired and that much more aware because of you! ;-)
John Keels Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:12 pm
Oh My! How true all of these things are. I am a Leo and 35 years old myself. I know I have made just about all the same kinds of mistakes on the list there. Now, I have gone back to school to finish where I left off years ago. Your story and your points inspire me! Thank you!
Have a good day and enjoy life!
Mike OD Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:27 pm
Great list!
I wholeheartedly agree with #10 especially. How often do you hear of people saying “I wish I had….”. A good practice is just visualizing that you are going to die in a year…and then see what your priorities are and follow the passion in your life. If you follow your passion, everything else seems to take care of itself including money and happiness. Never again will I ever say “I wish I had….” because I will live it right now.
Morgan Says:
February 18th, 2008, 12:35 pm
Talk about ironic, over half of these I’ve already been trying to implement in my life for the past year… and I’m 19! I’ve lost 18 lb. in the last two years (I know, not exactly shedding fast, but I’ll get there) I’m only 15 lb. away from my target weight My boyfriend and I decided that TV wasn’t worth it and we turned off our cable (went with DSL and phone line, much better deal) and in just the last couple weeks we’ve started daily exercise. Other then the TV, I think the change thus far that’s really astounded me the most was cutting back on the junk food.. I still struggle with this one, but just changing over from constant sugary sweets and soda to fruit, nuts, spring water and tea I find not only do I feel better but I find I can think clearer too. None the less, having this advice reinforced is greatly appreciated, thanks Leo! ^_^
- Morgan
