By Leo Babauta

Most people become flustered or frustrated when things don’t go according to plan. I’ve felt this way myself — I have a plan for the day, and all kinds of things come up to get in the way of that plan, and it can feel really frustrating.

This is the result of a lack of flexibility in our mindset. It’s natural to have a lack of flexibility — we really want things to go according to our plan, it helps us to feel like we’re in control and there’s order to our lives. Unfortunately, we rarely have that kind of control or order, and that can be really tough.

So let’s talk about how to develop a flexible mind.

The Benefits of a Flexible Mind

Why have that kind of flexibility?

Here’s what I’ve noticed with a flexible mind:

• We can adapt more quickly when things don’t go according to plan
• We get less frustrated, and more focused on what needs to be done
• We can focus and be on task, even if things aren’t in the perfect state
• We’re able to flow better when circumstances are shifting quickly
• We spend less time preparing for what might happen and more time in the moment
• Things that freak others out are often not that big of a deal

I don’t mean that a flexible mindset will guarantee that you’ll always be calm, focused, and flowing … but those are some of the benefits I’ve seen through this kind of approach.

So now the question is how do we develop this kind of flexible mind?

How to Develop a Flexible Mind

The first step is to simply set an intention that you’re going to have a flexible approach to life. You might write the word “Flexible” or “Flow” on a note to yourself, to keep it front and center in your mind.

Second is to practice. When things change, can you let go of how you thought it should be? When someone acts in a way that would normally frustrate you, can you let go of how you think they should act and practice some acceptance? Can you flow with changes? You don’t have to be perfect at it, just think of these as skills to be practicing every day. Give them a try, and do your best.

Third, bring awareness to when your mind has a more rigid approach. The way to notice is when you get frustrated, flustered, or disappointed. These are not problems, but merely signs of your mind clinging and being rigid. When they happen, just pause, take a few breaths, let your emotions soothe for a minute. Then see if you can practice the flexibility: how can you let go of how you think things should be, and open to how things are? How can you flow with things?

That’s easier with some things than others. It might be easier to go with the flow for something not so important to you, but if you were really counting on something, it’s much harder. That’s OK — just do what you can. This isn’t about being perfect (that’s rigid thinking) but about practicing whenever you’re able.

Things will progress if you keep practicing. When you get frustrated or disappointed with yourself, notice these as signs of rigidity, and see if you can soothe your nervous system and let go of what you thought you should be doing. When you fall on your face, take a moment to reflect on what happened, bringing curiosity, so you can learn and understand better.

Over time, you’ll notice a better ability to let go and flow. You’ll still get annoyed, but maybe it’ll be not such a big deal anymore. You’ll be able to adapt when things change, and find some calm focus even when your circumstances are messy.

My wish for you is a life of flexibility and happiness.