By Leo Babauta

Most of us don’t like to think of ourselves as judgmental … it doesn’t feel nice to be all judgy! But not wanting to see the judgment only pushes it out of our awareness.

It becomes a blind spot for many of us.

If you’re interested in looking at where you might have judgment of others, here are some places to look honestly:

• Are you often irritated, frustrated, angry with other people? Underneath this annoyance or frustration is probably a judgment about them.

• Do you gossip about others? Make comments about them behind their backs? Or maybe just in your own head?

• Do you feel like other people are living their lives in the wrong way? Do you often offer advice? Or wish people would change? Do you get frustrated because it’s obvious what they need to do but they’re not doing it?

• Do you put up walls so that it’s hard to connect with you, because you think people don’t deserve it? Are you less loving or generous, because you think people don’t deserve it?

These are not the only ways we’re judgmental, but they might have you start to become more aware of your judgment. And you do have judgment — you’re only human!
So what can we do? Let’s take a look.

Compassion for Our Judgment

First, it’s important as you get more awareness of our judgment, that we not judge it too much! Let’s just acknowledge that we have it, because it’s a human thing to do.

And then notice any shame you might have about being judgmental. As we take an honest look at this, the shame might arise, and that’s OK. Let it come up, but don’t feed the shame with more thoughts about how bad you are. Have compassion for the part of you that’s ashamed of being judgmental.

This is a process of accepting a part of ourselves we usually judge.

Shifts in Perspective

As we accept this part of ourselves that we judge … it will help us to accept the parts of others that we judge. Other people struggle with the same things we do, and as we take an honest look at ourselves, and have compassion for ourselves, we can do that more and more with them.

When you notice yourself judging someone else — first notice that you’re feeling some fear and frustration, and have some compassion. You’re protecting yourself from fear, with your judgment and story about them.

Then see if you can drop that protection, and instead open your compassionate heart toward them. Be generous in how you see them. Feel how you’re connected to them, the same as them.

As we drop these boundaries between ourselves and others, we start to feel more connected to others, less separated, more open hearted. This is transformational and beautiful!