By Leo Babauta

There’s an old idea, often misattributed to Aristotle, that “we are what we repeatedly do.” That idea is true of our physical acts, but also of our mental habits.

What we’re practicing the most is what we think every day, and that becomes who we are.

For example, if we’re constantly complaining (even just in our own minds), that’s what we’re practicing all the time … and that shapes our experience of life, and how we impact other people.

The mental habits we’re practicing all day long are incredibly important in our lives — and yet we’re often not even aware we’re doing them.

Some of the most common mental habits that can have negative impacts on our lives:

  • Complaint

  • Blaming others

  • Telling ourselves it’s OK to put something important off for one more day

  • Deciding we need to check email, messages, social media one more time before focusing on the things that matter

  • Self-criticism

  • Judging other people

  • Worrying about what everyone else thinks

  • Ruminating on past mistakes or past hurts

  • Limiting ourselves by how we see ourselves (I’m not smart enough to do that)

  • Worrying about the future or possible failure

  • Stressing ourselves out with all the things we think we need to do

  • Getting stuck in indecision because it’s overwhelming or hard to choose the “right” decision

Do any of these feel familiar? They all have a big impact on our lives if we’re practicing them over and over, every day.

Let’s talk about how to shift these patterns by practicing new ones.

Practicing Different Mental Habits

The idea is to come up with replacement habits, and to practice them every day, as often as you can.

Start by noticing which negative mental patterns you practice regularly — do you notice any of the ones above?

Try to spot them as they happen: if you’re complaining, can you notice when you’re in the act of complaining?

Then practice the replacement mental habit. If you do this, you’ll start to replace the old habit with the new one, and it will start to become your default over time. It takes concerted effort, but the payoff is huge.

Some ideas for replacement mental habits:

  • Gratitude and appreciation instead of complaint

  • Taking responsibility for your part, instead of blaming others

  • Putting important things as a priority that you’re committed to, instead of putting it off for one more day

  • Focusing on the things that matter first, before allowing yourself to check email, messages, social media

  • Self-appreciation, instead of self-criticism

  • Appreciating the great quality of other people, instead of judging them

  • Caring about what you think, instead of worrying about what everyone else thinks

  • Acceptance, instead of ruminating on past mistakes or past hurts

  • Expanding our view of ourselves, instead of limiting ourselves by how we see ourselves

  • Focusing on what we can control, instead of worrying about the future or possible failure

  • Focusing on one thing right now, instead of stressing ourselves out with all the things we think we need to do

  • Making a choice from the gut, instead of getting stuck in indecision because it’s overwhelming or hard to choose the “right” decision

You might have other ideas for replacements — that’s OK, these are just ideas. Decide for yourself what would be most helpful.

In the end, it’s about deciding what we want to practice every day — the things that will lead to the lives we want, or that will keep us stuck.