By Leo Babauta

If I could go back in time to talk to myself when I was in my 20s … the biggest piece of advice I’d give myself is to learn to sit with myself without distractions.

It’s the most underrated skill of your 20s, and technology is training it out of us. Hear me out!

For much of my life, I’ve wanted to be super productive, come up with the perfect system and set of tools, and optimize everything. This turned out to be a never-ending game that can be exhausting and lead to meaninglessness as you never get to done and never get to perfect.

Don’t get me wrong — I do think there’s use to being productive, if you have meaningful goals and don’t just churn out tasks for productivity’s sake. I’m not knocking being able to focus and get things done.

But in today’s world, we’re facing some tough challenges:

  • We’re always online, constantly distracted

  • Social media has perfected the algorithm to get us addicted

  • We shop for things and eat super-palatable foods to fill the void we’re feeling

  • The world is increasingly feeling chaotic and hostile

  • We’re feeling powerless, and often unhappy with ourselves

This isn’t easy stuff to deal with. Productivity won’t address any of that.

Enter solitude. Let’s talk about it.

How Solitude Teach Us Deeper Lessons

In the midst of the chaos, distraction, addictions, and powerlessness … we have the opportunity to learn and grow in powerful ways.

One of the most powerful ways is to shut it all off, and to learn to be alone in silence. Not always alone, and not always disconnected … but for intentional periods.

For example, take a daily walk for an hour without any devices or music. Or sit in meditation for brief periods sprinkled through the day. Or eat meals in silence without technology or distractions.

What this will start to do is to have us notice our tendency to reach for technology, distractions, food, drugs, drink and more. We’ll start to see the urges and cravings. We don’t need to judge them, just notice, like we’re noticing how things work.

Then, in the silence and solitude, we can just sit with the urges and cravings, and any other feelings we notice. Just sit and let ourselves feel them, without needing them to go away.

If you can do this, it’ll be a game-changer. I wish I had learned this in my 20s.

Here are a few other things I learned through this solitude practice:

  • How to regulate my emotions when I was feeling lonely, sad, dissatisfied with myself, upset, anxious or overwhelmed.

  • How to start to appreciate myself — who I am even when I’m not being productive or making other people happy. My inner qualities, which are always there. This self-appreciation is the antidote to self-dissatisfaction.

  • How to appreciate the present moment, without extra bells and whistles. We turn to online distractions and social media, food and substances, because we think there’s something wrong with our present-moment experiences without all of that. But if we can appreciate the amazing moments as they are, we don’t need the other stuff.

  • How to use the challenging moments and emotions to open. Usually these challenging moments and difficult emotions close us down — but we can practice opening when they come to us. That means relaxing the body and nervous system, and learning to find the opportunity in the challenging moment, the appreciation and love.

These are powerful lessons that I encourage everyone, young or old, to sit with. Alone, and in wonderful silence.