By Leo Babauta

One question I get asked a lot is how to create a more mindful relationship to the technology in our lives — phones, computers, social media, messaging, Youtube and Netflix, and so on.

There are extremes: tech addiction … or tech-phobia. Always on … or Luddite extremes. Neither of these is necessarily what we want. We want a balance that serves us.

Many of us need to use technology for work, so going full on Luddite and never using tech is not an option. And many of us use technology for personal things: entertainment in the evening, learning things on Youtube, shopping for things we need online, etc. So how do we find the balance that actually serves us?

What I propose in this article is a mindful relationship with technology — it’s not about throwing it all away, nor always giving in to every impulse … but instead choosing mindfully.

How do we do that? Let’s explore.

Setting Intention

Most people don’t set an intention with their technology, so there’s no real way to be mindful. For example, how do you notice your urges to impulse shop or go on social media if you can just go on there at any time?

But imagine if you set some intentions:

  • I’m only going to use social media as a way to connect with the lives of my friends and family members, once a day in the evening.

  • I will only watch 2 hours of TV shows, from 7-9 pm.

  • I will do my online shopping on Wednesday afternoons and Sunday mornings.

  • I only check my email 3x per day - at 9am, 1pm, and 4pm.

These are only examples — you’d want to set intentions that work for you. Let yourself evolve them over time as you learn what works best.

But if you had intentions like that … then you’d be able to notice when you’re doing social media at a different time. It allows you to see the urges in action.

Mindfulness of Urges

Once you have some intentions, you have a way to notice the urges that come up for you all day long.

For example, what if you said, “For the next hour, I will only work on this one task.” Then when you have the urge to go to Youtube or Instagram, or check the news … you’ll be able to notice.

If you can become more aware of your urges, you’ll start to be able to choose how you use your tech.

An urge is a feeling in the body (let’s say stress, boredom, or desire), perhaps also a thought (for example, “I’ll just check Tiktok for a minute”), and then taking action right after.

Notice the urges: what do they feel like? What do you tell yourself? What actions do you want to take? Breathe, and just be with the urge (let yourself feel it).

Moving Closer to Intention

You’ll mess up on your intention — probably a whole bunch of times. That’s OK! Just let yourself notice the urges and thoughts that have you moving away from your intentions.

Then start again. Set your intention, then try to stick to it. Notice the urges. Breathe, without needing to take the action. The urge will pass, if you just breathe.

Over time, the urges grow less and less, and your attachment to going to the distraction becomes lessened as well. You don’t need the distraction, because it’s not a big deal to feel the stress, the urge, the desire.

The Relationship That Works for You

As you practice mindfully with your intentions and urges, you’ll be able to shift your relationship to technology.

For example, instead of Youtube being something that sucks up your entire day … it can be a nice place to go to learn about something for an hour.

Instead of social media being something you turn to every time you’re stressed or bored … it can becomes a place to connect to the people you love who you haven’t seen in awhile.

What relationship would you like? Do you want to use TV as a way to relax after a long day? Or maybe to spend some bonding time with your partner? Do you want to use your phone as a learning device, or a mindfulness reminder?

Start to explore how you relate to all the tech in your life, and find the relationship that works for you. It might take some time to discover this, so let yourself enjoy the process of mindfully discovering.

Thanks for letting this newsletter be a source of enrichment in your life!