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How to Stick to Your Goals When Life Disrupts ‘Em

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean

Have you ever been doing great with a goal or habit change — exercise, waking early, becoming organized, eating healthy, anything — and your progress was completely disrupted because of some major event in your life (death, marriage, illness, work, etc.)?

Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.

Life gets in the way.

Fortunately, although we often give up our goals when something like this happens, a life event that disrupts your progress doesn’t have to sidetrack your goal completely. You can overcome this obstacle — and it is an obstacle, just like any other.

Reader quench recently wrote in with a great question:

“Oftentimes, I have just one goal, as you suggest, and I am focused fully on that one goal, the baby steps, etc. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, there’s some crisis in another part of my life - my boyfriend will become enormously demanding, my brother will get hospitalized with a life-threatening illness, my boss will decide there is an emergency that I have to handle overtime, etc.! This happens will such frequency, that it’s almost predictable, every time I start really buckling down on what I need to do to accomplish my goal. Then when I thoroughly demoralized, and lying around unmotivated, everything else in my life seems to calm down, and I’m just left wondering how to pick myself up again.”

This is an awesome question, because it’s so true to life. Things happen to all of us … but the real determination is how do we deal with them. Do we get discouraged and give up, or do we figure out a way around and keep going?

Here’s the thing: the path to every goal is littered with obstacles. You must, must, must, absolutely must anticipate that you will run into obstacles … figure out ways around them … and keep going.

Here’s how to do that:

1. Anticipate, anticipate. Think ahead. What obstacles do you see on the horizon? What obstacles have you run into in the past? What will change your routine? Weekends are a mini-obstacle that often seem to derail people trying to create a habit. But there are other changes in routines … holidays, summer, big events, changes at work, birthdays … these are often things you can anticipate and plan for. When you see something coming up on the horizon that might derail you, plan for it. Make it a part of your plan.

An example: I’ve been trying to learn to eat under my new meal plan … and I knew that a birthday party was coming up. Well, I anticipated it, learned the restaurant, researched the menu, and incorporated it into my plan. But on another occasion, I just anticipated the family event and allowed it to be one of my two cheat meals for the week. You have to be able to let up a little if you want to stick to it for the long term.

2. Find the path. When you see an obstacle, are you just going to give up? I hope not. An obstacle is just something we have to get around, or over … it’s not a reason to quit. So instead of quitting, ask yourself: how do I get around this obstacle? There’s always a solution, if you’re creative enough.

Sometimes there isn’t just one path. And it can be hard to decide which solution to choose. But don’t fret: choose one path, and see if it works. If it doesn’t, try another. Life is an experiment.

3. Two steps forward, one step back. You will face some setbacks every now and then. That’s a part of achieving any goal worth achieving — if it were too easy, it’s not a worthy goal.

But instead of seeing the setback as something discouraging, just accept it as a part of the journey. “Two steps forward, one step back,” is what I always tell myself … and it’s a realization that even with setbacks, I’m still making forward progress over the long run.

For example, I’ve had some setbacks when it comes to my exercise habit. I often seem to get sick after a few weeks of continuous exercise. But though illness has set me back a few times, I’ve now learned to see it as a welcome break, allowing my body to recover. Think of it as a time out … you’re allowed to rest when you’re sick, and when you get better, you’ll be recharged and ready to start again.

4. If you fall, get up, and learn from it. All of us fail, from time to time. No one is successful all the time. But instead of letting failure stop us completely, you just need to get up and dust yourself off … and this part is important: learn from your experience. When you fail, ask yourself: why did I fail? What stopped me? What obstacles got in my way? And how can I get around them next time it happens (and yes, it will happen again). And plan for next time.

An example: When I was quitting smoking, I had several failures. But each time, I asked myself what I did wrong. What derailed me? And I incorporated those obstacles into my plan. The common obstacles that led to a relapse in my smoking included stressful events, going out and drinking (and smoking) with friends, and stressful family events. Eventually, I succeeded … but I wouldn’t have done so if I just kept letting the same obstacles derail me.

5. Find new motivation. Sometimes a setback will leave us not only derailed, but demotivated. So the real problem is finding the motivation to start again. So, it helps to get back to the basics: what made you want to start in the first place? What was your reason for change? What motivated you? Thinking about that, and the benefits it will have in your life, and the way things will be once you’ve accomplished the goal, can help motivate you.

But I also recommend adding additional motivators, to help jump start you. Read this article about motivation, and these articles for more.

6. Go with the flow. Change is good. Change is a part of life. We might like our routines, but there will always be something that comes along to disrupt them. Accept that, embrace it, and learn to flow with it. If we become too rigid, we will break in the face of the pressures of life. But if we learn to accommodate those changes that life throws at us, and still head towards our goal, we’ll be happier and we’ll get to where we want to be.

Be willing to be flexible. Change comes at you … don’t despair, or get frustrated … take that change and make it a part of your plan.

Life will throw us curveballs. With practice, we can learn to hit them out of the park.

If you liked this article, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

See also:

How to Stick to Your Goals When Life Disrupts ‘Em

“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” - Jimmy Dean

Of course you have. It’s happened to all of us.

Life gets in the way.

Reader quench recently wrote in with a great question:

“Oftentimes, I have just one goal, as you suggest, and I am focused fully on that one goal, the baby steps, etc. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, there’s some crisis in another part of my life - my boyfriend will become enormously demanding, my brother will get hospitalized with a life-threatening illness, my boss will decide there is an emergency that I have to handle overtime, etc.! This happens will such frequency, that it’s almost predictable, every time I start really buckling down on what I need to do to accomplish my goal. Then when I thoroughly demoralized, and lying around unmotivated, everything else in my life seems to calm down, and I’m just left wondering how to pick myself up again.”

Here’s how to do that:

3. Two steps forward, one step back. You will face some setbacks every now and then. That’s a part of achieving any goal worth achieving — if it were too easy, it’s not a worthy goal.

But I also recommend adding additional motivators, to help jump start you. Read this article about motivation, and these articles for more.

Be willing to be flexible. Change comes at you … don’t despair, or get frustrated … take that change and make it a part of your plan.

Life will throw us curveballs. With practice, we can learn to hit them out of the park.

If you liked this article, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

See also:

Posted on 29 October 2007 in Goals, Motivation |
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Comments (25)

Jeniffer Says:

October 29th, 2007, 5:45 am

One other thing which can derail you is the interference of other people. Having someone to share goals with is great, and can be very motivating. But some people feel threatened when you try to change–it scares them or they fear they too will be expected to change, or whatever their reason. So be careful about who you share those goals with. Someone who has sabotaged your efforts before-consciously or not-may well do so again. Be sure to tell only positive, supportive people who will cheer you on. This also helps you keep going, if something does happen that would otherwise derail you.

Alex Blackwell Says:

October 29th, 2007, 5:58 am

Great ideas and inspirations for setting goals - thank you for these.

Tina Su - Think Simple. Be Decisive. Says:

October 29th, 2007, 7:47 am

Excellent article on steps to keep at your goals. Very helpful as I am currently experiencing several goals that life seems to get in the way of… which derails me from them. Thanks Leo! This article is a great reminder.

Love & Gratitude,
Tina Su
Think Simple. Be DecisiveProductivity, Motivation and Happiness

Deb Estep Says:

October 29th, 2007, 8:19 am

Dear Leo,
~* Inspirational *~

I absolutely needed to read this TODAY !!!

THANK YOU,
Deb
@——–>————–

Muffin Says:

October 29th, 2007, 11:07 am

Thank you so much for this. I love all of your posts, but this is by far the most relevant to my life situation right now.
I have been extremely motivated for the past 2 years. I quit smoking, changed careers, started working out everyday, and moved out on my own. Lately I have been working on a new portfolio for a better job, and starting to train to run marathons.
Last month I was told I have a benign brain tumor and would need surgery. My life has since been consumed with doctors appointments and massive amounts of stress.
Thank you for reminding me that a bumpy road shouldn’t put an end to my goals and dreams. Thank you for the steps to help me get motivated again. I’m going for a long run today!

Andrew Says:

October 29th, 2007, 11:39 am

I had just that problem a few months ago when I was in the hospital with a twisted intestine.

It took quite a while to come back from that, and starting up running again was so hard. I had forgotten how good it feels at the end of a run ~once you are in shape~ and after not running for two months I had lost ALOT of ground.

Its all about the mind set, getting back to it and tracking. I wrote on a calendar an star each time I ran. It was much easier to get over that first few bad runs with a blank calendar urging me on.

Once you have a string you hate to break it!

Andrew

Kyle Says:

October 29th, 2007, 11:54 am

Breath of fresh air, again, Leo. I would like to suggest that no one has succeeded at quiting smoking until they realize the possibility of smoking is always there, day after day. The choice does get easier with momentum but be aware every day that it is a choice. Like education, it’s never over.

Ravi Vora Says:

October 29th, 2007, 12:28 pm

Great post. When your life changes that doesn’t mean you have to change, but you do have to adapt.

naresh Says:

October 29th, 2007, 13:25 pm

A saint said;if you go after removing thorns in the way you walk,you may not succeed.as there will be always thorns in the way,its natural of them to be there(Distractions)On the other hand if you wear shoes all the thorns are ineffective and harmless.now you decide what serves you for the purpose.

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

October 29th, 2007, 13:32 pm

Great post! I think it’s especially important to give yourself a break when things get a little crazy. There’s nothing wrong with resting, especially when you need to. And it definitely does give you time to reassess and then go out again to give it all you’ve got!

P.G. Smith Says:

October 29th, 2007, 13:36 pm

When my mother died two years ago, it knocked me sideways. It forced me to reassess all of my goals. I had to drop a lot of them, at least temporarily. I had to keep my goals very simple for a long time, and I kind of got used to it. The grieving process has made me see things differently and my values have changed drastically. That is one of the reasons sites such as this appeal to me. Some of the things I valued before (mostly material) just don’t matter anymore. In a way, my mother’s death freed me from a lot of garbage, although it took me a while to figure that out.

Ajay Says:

October 29th, 2007, 13:43 pm

Good post — and I have a nearly off topic comment about your example in #3. You may be overtraining. Excessive exercise, relative to what you’re physically able to handle, will depress your immune system. You may want to take the illness as signal to adjust the volume of work you’re doing.

Leo Says:

October 29th, 2007, 14:54 pm

Thanks everyone, for the great comments! Sharing your stories, like PG Smith and others did, really adds to this article in a meaningful way.

@Ajay: You’re right, of course … I’m aware of my overtraining, and in fact did it again this past weekend … for some reason I have a hard time holding myself back. But thanks for the excellent comment.

Helen Says:

October 29th, 2007, 17:43 pm

Great post.

Part of the ‘being prepared’ is being organized - if you’re constantly running behind (always got an overdue assignment, bills left unpaid) you’ll never be able to make space for the unexpected.

I’ve found that it is important to KEEP WORKING on your goals through the disruptions. Have a relevant book handy to study; make notes. Jot down ideas for that novel, write a scene. Have a list of vocabulary for your foreign language in your back pocket.

Get up early to do some study, get a mute and practice your instrument instead of evening TV…. you get the idea.

If your boss asks you to work overtime, ask if you can have an hour off some other time.

Also learn how to say ‘no’ and delegate. Don’t use helping others as a way to procrastinate. Do your part, but don’t be a doormat.

Tracy Says:

October 29th, 2007, 19:58 pm

Perfect timing! Just when I committed to an exercise routine the San Diego fires whipped up and we’ve been cautioned (this is a direct quote) to “keep breathing to a minimum” due to the dangerously bad air quality. I’ve managed to continue my workouts, being creative by running on the stairs in my home instead of outside, or covering my mouth and nose with a wet handkerchief. Where there’s a will there’s a way, and I wasn’t going to give up just when I’d gotten started for real.

Holly Says:

October 29th, 2007, 20:34 pm

I find that what derails my plans more often is not just the “big whatever” but my quiet assumption that I was invincible to that sort of attack.

Things that I thought might have derailed me frequently do not.

Likewise, I may have assumed that other problem areas weren’t problems.

Part of my goal setting has become reassessment. Learning about myself and realizing that there’s always more to learn. Once I know, I adjust, and usually don’t find the problem repeats.

Isobel Says:

October 30th, 2007, 2:28 am

@Muffin - I know exactly what you’re going through and how you feel.

I hit the big distractor from my goals at the end of February when I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. Up till then, I’d been working for over a year on my plan of becoming the main wage-earner (working as a freelance editor) so that my husband could give up the job which was causing him stess-related illnesses.

I had plenty of work which I enjoyed tremendously and everything was going great when suddenly, from one day to the next, I had to cancel everything to find time for tests, operation, chemotherapy and radiotherapy.
I’m now through with all of that, and managed to cope with it all by doing the baby steps with the help of good friends and family. My husband was fantastic and the whole thing has brought us much, much closer together. One thing which helped was the fact that we had savings so even though I haven’t earned anything for the last 9 months, we didn’t have any fears of money problems hanging over our heads.

I believe that I’m OK now and I’m looking forward to getting back to work soon. When I do, though, I’m going to work a little bit less and pay more attention to my health. One of my plans for the future is taking up some kind of fitness training.

All the best, Muffin! Leo and the people who read this blog are thinking of you. Hang in there and keep doing the baby steps.

Anna J Says:

October 30th, 2007, 5:10 am

I’d say, keep your goal in mind and prepare to be adaptive.

Great post, thanks!

Helen Says:

October 30th, 2007, 5:55 am

@ Muffin and Isobel, how do you manage to stay positive when you are dealing with such major health issues? Do you keep an eye on your goal, or do you leave it to focus on getting better?

I can’t imagine how I’d cope with something like that.

wishing you a speedy return to good health!

Jo P Says:

October 30th, 2007, 16:41 pm

I’d say - make a note of the goal. Sometimes when you’re doing self-improvement type things, you tend not to be focussed - I for one, treat them as nice to haves rather than core. Which, I realize as I’m typing this, is no wonder they get de-railed.

Making a note on whatever system you use will remind you to get back to it as soon as you’re able.

Isobel Says:

October 31st, 2007, 4:00 am

@Helen

I can’t always stay positive, but I can manage it most of the time.

Some points which help me are:

I have a naturally positive / optimistic outlook;

I am pragmatic and just get on with any problems that come up;
I know that people are thinking about me and that I can ask them for help or simply talk to them.

Oh - and one other thing - I KNOW that I’m going to beat this illness. (Don’t ask me how I KNOW that, but I just do.)

Muffin Says:

October 31st, 2007, 10:53 am

@Isobel
Thank you! Your story is a true inspiration. You and your family are in my thoughts. It is a tough feat to stay optimistic throughout such a tough period. I am glad you are doing just that and You ARE going to beat this!

@Helen
Some days i get really bitter. Some days I stay home all day and don’t talk to anyone. To get out of these ruts I try to stay present and remind myself that this is not the end of the world and I will get through. As cliche as it sounds… I take each day at a time, and I am thankful for everything wonderful in my life.

lizabelle Says:

October 31st, 2007, 22:14 pm

Thanks for this post; it really resonated with me! I have a related question: what do you do to stop yourself careering from one goal to another one without ever really getting anything done? I seem to constantly be reprioritising: one week I’ll be concentrating on losing weight (for example), but then I’ll realise that I’m drinking too much/spending too much money on food (fresh vegetables are expensive here, and don’t get me started on the price of organic produce!), so the next week I focus on that. The weight creeps back up, and the cycle starts again. It’s so frustrating!

Isobel Says:

November 1st, 2007, 2:49 am

@Muffin

I’m so sorry to hear that you feel bitter about what’s happening to you. It’s easy for someone else to say it, I know, but maybe you could see the diagnosis as something positive - i.e. a chance to let you change something in your life?

You’ve successfully given up smoking, so you’ve proved to yourself that you can change things / give up things that aren’t doing you any good.

As for staying at home - you don’t have to force yourself to get out or to do anything else when you’re coping with a tumour. You have to get to all these appointments and go through the tests and after that, rest is maybe more important than exercise.

Keep doing the baby steps, Muffin! We’re rooting for you.

quench Says:

November 6th, 2007, 23:11 pm

Ah, Leo! Thank you very much for addressing my question. I’ve actually recently been derailed from my usual web reading by one of those curveballs life sends from time to time…. so this was PERFECT timing to find this upon coming back to your site.

Life is indeed, an experiment - and something to experience fully, always!