By Leo Babauta

A flexible approach to life is far more valuable than most people realize.

Our minds can become too rigid. We want to be right, we want to do things a certain way, we want things to go the way we want them to go.

This can lead to a whole host of difficulties we’re causing ourselves with this rigidity:

• Becoming frustrated all the time

• Getting into unnecessary arguments with people, trying to prove we’re right

• Not being able to receive feedback, because of defensiveness

• Disappointment and discouragement when things aren’t going the way we’d hoped

• Stress when we’re feeling behind

• Struggle to stick to habits and goals over the long-term

• Freaking out when we’re hit with challenges, like health issues

• Being afraid to take risks and fearlessly pursue our goals, because of not wanting to fail

• Being stuck in learning something difficult, because we don’t want to look foolish

• Struggling to focus when a lot of things are going on

I could list another 50 difficulties that arise from our inner rigidity, but I think you get the idea.

We are rigid because we mistakenly think we need to be. We think it’s the only way we can be safe, or not look foolish in front of others, or navigate a complex situation. This need to be rigid is an illusion: it’s actually holding us back in these situations.

So what can we do about it? What about some flexibility?

What It’s Like to Be Flexible

Let’s imagine that you don’t hold too tightly to your ideas, expectations, self-image, needing to be right, needing it to go the way you want.

What would that be like?

When things go badly, you could just shrug it off, and take things in stride. Find the lesson in it, and make an adjustment. Take the next step.

When someone is upset at you, you could listen to their point of view, and have some compassion for them. You could take responsibility for any negative impact, regardless of your good intent. You could hear them, and get them.

When you’re struggling with a habit or goal, you could take it in stride and realize that it’s a part of the process. Learn from it, and find a way to adjust and take the next step. Encourage yourself.

When someone disagrees with you, you don’t take it personally, don’t try to prove that you’re right, but instead listen thoughtfully and respectfully to their opinion. That doesn’t mean you change yours, and you can still share your thoughts, but it doesn’t have to be a battle.

When you’re feeling behind, just focus on what you can do right now, instead of what you think you should have already done.

When things don’t match your expectations, you let go of what you were expecting, and instead try to accept what’s in front of you. Appreciate what’s there. And then decide what steps you want to take.

These are just a handful of examples, but I’m hoping you can see what it means to be flexible.

How to Be Flexible

So how do we accomplish this kind of flexibility? It takes intention and practice.

Set an intention to be more flexible: release expectations, let go of needing to be right, accept and appreciate, be curious about others’ opinions and experiences, and deal with the situation in front of you rather than what you wished it would be.

Then start to practice:

1. Notice when you’re being rigid, and start to question why you need that rigidity.

2. Ask what you can let go, in order to be more flexible. It might be letting go of expectations, or how you want to be seen.

3. Ask what this situation would be without that thing that you might let go of. For example, what would this disagreement be like, if I didn’t need to be right? What would this project be like, if I didn’t need to live up to the expectations that I have for myself?

4. Try being in this moment without that thing that you’re rigidly holding onto. See what it might be like.

This is not something you can just figure out in a day. It takes some working through, some willingness to try, to be curious. I encourage you to explore this kind of flexible practice, and see what might be.