By Leo Babauta

A mindset that is difficult to notice is when we’re feeling helpless or powerless. If you’re often feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, offended, defensive, hurt by the actions or inactions of others, or like things are out of control … this means you’re feeling some kind of helplessness or powerlessness.

That isn’t a criticism — everyone feels helpless or powerless sometimes. We’re human. Sometimes we think of this as “victim mode” — we have a mindset that we’re the victim. We all feel this way, when we’re hurt or feel a loss of control.

What I’ve found is that this is an almost universal mindset (victim-mode, helplessness, powerlessness) that underlies almost every difficulty we have:

• Overwhelm, feeling behind on everything
• Procrastination, avoidance, distraction
• Perfectionism, being controlling
• Overwork, burnout
• Not being able to change old, difficult habits
• Self-criticism and self-doubt
• Criticizing or being frustrated with others
• And much more

In this article, I’ll talk a bit about the mindset of helplessness and powerlessness, and then how we can start to shift it to something more empowered.

The Mindset of Helplessness & Powerlessness

If you’re feeling overwhelmed (and who isn’t these days?), this is a feeling of helplessness. We feel like there’s too much to deal with, and it’s overwhelming because we feel like we can’t do anything about it.

If you’re feeling frustrated with other people (or the world), this is a feeling of powerlessness. We don’t want things to be this way, and yet we feel powerless to change it, and so it makes us angry or frustrated.

So helplessness and powerlessness are feelings that we often have. And they’re also a way of viewing things (a mindset) — it’s a view that things are happening to us. When I feel like a victim, it’s because I think bad things are happening to me. I’m not responsible — it’s something being perpetrated against me.

That’s the important thing to note: it seems like things are happening to you instead of by you. You are the victim instead of the author of the story.

How to Shift to an Empowered State

The first thing to note is that there is nothing wrong with feeling powerlessness or helplessness. It isn’t wrong to feel like a victim sometimes. We’re just feeling hurt, put upon, overwhelmed, frustrated. We’re human, and we have these feelings sometimes. It’s important to have grace for ourselves, and compassion.

The second thing is that these are simply emotions or experiences. If we’re having difficult emotions, we can give ourselves some compassion, some love, some care. If we see it as simply an experience that we’re having, we can relax and let ourselves feel the feeling.

And as soon as we do that, we’re starting to take control of things. We’re taking action — compassion and love for ourselves, and acceptance of the experience. Already we have started to become empowered.

And finally, we can create a shift: become the author of the story. How can you take responsibility for what has happened in your life? By taking full responsibility (even if you aren’t 100 percent responsible), you start to take your power back.

How can you focus on the parts you can control? There are a lot of things that are not in our control, and as long as we’re focusing on those parts, we’re going to feel helpless. What is under your control? Your own words and actions. Not the lives of other people, not the actions of others, not the weather or natural disasters. Just your own words and actions. Take full responsibility for those.

As the author of your story, ask yourself: what do I want to create in the world? Right now, today, in my life. Then start to take responsibility for creating that.

Notice your objections: it’s too hard, it’s too much, I can’t control things, I can’t control other people. These are from the old mindset of helplessness. Instead, focus on what you can do. What are some small actions you can take? What can you be grateful for? What can you begin to change, one step at a time?

By focusing on this, you become the author of your life. You start to feel empowered. What can you do today to move in this direction?