Give hugs often. The Six Greatest Gifts You Can Give Your Loved Ones (Plus Audio Tips on Achieving Goals)
“So if we love someone, we should train in being able to listen. By listening with calm and understanding, we can ease the suffering of another person.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on Twitter.
It’s Christmastime and it’s the season of giving … what are you giving your loved ones this year?
The holidays often mean giving a lot of gifts, sometimes expensive, but often we lose sight of what’s most important.
What gifts do your loved ones really want, whether they’re your children, your significant other, your parents, your friends, or other family members? Is it an expensive electronic item, or some other material or tangible item? Perhaps.
But the gifts I list below are more important. Sure, they might not be as fun to open on Christmas morning (or whatever other holiday you might celebrate), but in the long run, they’ll value these gifts more.
1. Your Presence. This means making it a priority to spend time with them — if they are truly important, you can make the time. You might have to change things in your life to make the time, but it’s worth it.
Beyond just making the time, though, you have to actually be present when you spend time with loved ones. That means learning to stay in the moment, rather than having your mind on other things, checking your iPhone or Blackberry every two minutes, or trying to take care of other tasks and chores while spending time with them. Instead, drop everything else and focus on being there with your loved ones — really listen, really have fun, really be present.
2. Your Love. This is perhaps an obvious one on the list, but it’s too important to gloss over. It’s imperative that you tell your loved ones that … well, that you love them. Regularly. But just as important is that you actually show them you love them, in your actions every day, throughout the day. Hugs, intimacy, smiles, doing kind things for them, considering their needs and feelings … just little things that mean a lot.
3. Your Compassion. How is this different than giving the gift of your love? Well, it’s possible to love someone and not show compassion. For example, we parents often discipline our children and love them at the same time … but often compassion is even more important than discipline.
Compassion is finding empathy with your loved one … trying to see things from their eyes, trying to understand what they’re going through … and then doing your best to be kind and to end their suffering and to make them happier. Read more.
4. A Voice. We can give so much just by paying attention to a loved one, and really listening, and showing that we’re interested in what they have to say, and showing that what they say is important and respected. Too often our children or spouse might talk to us but are only met with a disinterested nod or other small acknowledgment, or we’ll make light or fun of what they say, as if it’s not important. But giving a person a voice, and showing that their words matter, will have a long-lasting different in their lives.
5. A Healthy Lifestyle. When you spend time with your loved one, try to do so while enjoying a healthy and fun activity, such as going on a hike, playing a sport, tossing around a Frisbee, going for a walk or jog, doing some yardwork, and so on. When you get together to eat, try to eat healthy foods. Make the habits of good health a part of your lifestyle, and encourage your loved ones to do the same — it could save their lives.
6. Your Belief in Them. Simply believing in another person, and showing that in your words and in your deeds, can make a huge difference. Studies of people who grew up in dysfunctional homes but who grew up to be happy and successful show that the one thing they had in common was a significant adult who believed in them. Do this for your child, and for the adult loved ones in your life as well. Support their dreams and passions and hobbies. Participate with them. Be nothing but encouraging. Be their greatest cheerleader. Whether they actually accomplish these dreams or not, your belief is of unlimited importance to them.
“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” - the Dalai Lama
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AUDIO PODCAST
In the spirit of giving, I’d like to share the third audio tips podcast that I’ve done for ThePowerofLess.com:
The Keys to Setting and Achieving Goals
This podcast can be played on your computer, iPod or other media device. The podcast talks about:
- How taking on too many goals can lead to a cycle of failure and guilt.
- Simplify: Focus on one goal at a time.
- Why you should start small.
- Focus on that One Goal to completion.
- Breaking a goal into smaller goals.
Feel free to share it on your blog, via email, on forums, in social media, or however you like!
Three other audio podcast tips have been or will be released this week related to The Power of Less:
- Office Zen: How to Focus on One Task at a Time. (released)
- Taming Email: Tips on Finding Inbox Zen. (released)
- Effective weight loss strategies. (soon to come!)
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If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)
- Spewed into the world on 24 December 2008 in Finance & Family |
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Brilliant comments (34)
Chris (from Lifestyle Project) Says:
December 24th, 2008, 4:21 am
I subscribe to these tips Leo for the simple reasons:
- Who needs more clutter anyway?
- Not to be morbid, but on your death bed would you wish you had spent more time with a person or had the latest gadget
-The best things in life are free (like your podcasts!)
Have a great one!
PierG Says:
December 24th, 2008, 5:30 am
Thank you for this beautiful Christmas gift.
PierG
http://pierg.wordpress.com
Marshall | bondChristian Says:
December 24th, 2008, 5:57 am
I liked each of these gift ideas. I wonder what would happen if we each wrapped a cardboard box with a note inside, explaining that we’re giving one of these gifts. Would people be disappointed? Or would they realize the value in these gifts?
‘Tis the season, but it’s still interesting that your post here dovetails with some of what I posted today on giving gifts like God.
May we all learn how to give.
- Marshall Jones, Jr.
Chris Says:
December 24th, 2008, 6:00 am
Those six gifts are pretty good… but an ipod touch would be really great too haha.
Seriously though, I really like what you said about the importance of your presence. I might just have to turn off my phone Christmas day. After all, it is just one day, and I can’t imagine anything more important to do that day than spending time with family. Hope you have a good one!
Marshall | bondChristian Says:
December 24th, 2008, 6:05 am
Maybe I’ll jump on the bandwagon and turn everything off also.
Thanks for the ideas.
Marshall Jones, Jr.
J.D. Meier Says:
December 24th, 2008, 6:07 am
Beautiful list.
Believing in somebody is a powerful gift. Especially when you let them know it. While you have to believe in yourself, it’s amazing how a mentor or coach or teacher or parent can lift you up.
It’s like when the Wizard validated the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Lion … or in the spirit of the holidays, when Cindy Lu Hoo believed in the Grinch.
Tom - StandOutBlogger.com Says:
December 24th, 2008, 6:50 am
What fantastic ideas. With Christmas becoming so commercialized these come at a great time. I just spent the whole day with my family on Christmas eve and it was just so great to be able to spend time with them, to laugh and have fun.
That is so much better than any other present I could get.
Bonnie | free biorhythm Says:
December 24th, 2008, 6:58 am
Hi Leo,
Nice article and thanks for the bonus podcast at the end.
I agree that presence is more important than presents!
I was hanging out with my teenage sister yesterday while she was wrapping presents, texting her friends, playing with the cat & watching MTV all at the same time. It was nice to absorb all that abundant youthful energy, but even nicer when she turned off the TV & her phone and joined me for a quiet cup of tea.
Have a very Merry Christmas! :)
sohabran Says:
December 24th, 2008, 7:08 am
this truly gives a new dimension to the meanig of the gifts.
Fit Bottomed Girl Says:
December 24th, 2008, 8:59 am
As I’m headed off to family events today, this was the perfect reminder of what this time of year is really about. Thanks, and happy holidays!
Lee Ann/Living Introverted Says:
December 24th, 2008, 9:02 am
Thank you for this wonderful holiday gift list. So simple and so true.
Don’t forget to give each and every one of these gifts not only to your loved ones, but to yourself as well!
Happy Holidays!
Shevonne Says:
December 24th, 2008, 9:04 am
Great list to remind people that not every gift has to have some monetary value.
Success Professor - Danny Gamache Says:
December 24th, 2008, 10:12 am
Wonderful list. It’s amazing how much of a gift it can be to simply spend focused time with those around you. That can make a real Christmas.
Thank you for the gift of your time writing articles for us all.
Tabitha (From Single to Married) Says:
December 24th, 2008, 10:14 am
I completely agree with this list! I remember last year when I was struggling to find something to give an aunt who “has everything” and she told me that instead of buying her a gift, I could promise to spend more time with her during the upcoming year. It’s so true that the gift of time can b a lot more valuable than anything that’s purchased with money.
Elisha Says:
December 24th, 2008, 10:20 am
As I read this, I’m sitting with my beautiful 11-day-old baby girl in my arms. This post was a lovely reminder of not only what presents I want to give to all of my loved ones, but the type of parent I want to be in the years to come.
Thank you, and Happy Holidays.
Eric Hamm Says:
December 24th, 2008, 12:09 pm
Giving the gift of a healthy lifestyle is one of the best gifts out there! Excellent Christmas Eve post, Leo! :-) Eric.
Maura Says:
December 24th, 2008, 12:21 pm
Leo, I hope you add this to your “Popular Posts” or include it an a list of “Best posts of 2008″ - many people travelling at this time of the year may miss it, but surely it will be a favorite throughout the year.
Happy holidays!
Jessica T. Says:
December 24th, 2008, 12:33 pm
Thanks for sharing!
Happy Holidays to you & your family!
Kelly Says:
December 24th, 2008, 14:07 pm
Great list Leo.
Our family (one side more than the other) chose to give presents this year only to the children (and even then we all cut back on the amount). It really freed up time and allowed us all to enjoy the season being together rather than deciding on just who needed another scarf or whatever
Our time here is finite I say we spend it wisely
Leo Says:
December 24th, 2008, 14:48 pm
Thank you everyone, for your positive comments! It’s nice to hear all of this on Christmas morning (it’s 4:45 a.m. Christmas day here on Guam!!!!).
My kids will be awake in 10 minutes (I think they set their alarm for 4:55 a.m. because told them not to wake us before 5 a.m.) so I won’t be back here for another 24 hours, but MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
harry che Says:
December 24th, 2008, 16:03 pm
Thank you for the great list. Happy holidays.
Harry
http://GoalsOnTrack.com
Jesse Says:
December 24th, 2008, 16:54 pm
These ideas are fantastic for all year round as well. What’s to stop you from getting a funny card for someone, just because? Maybe with a reminder of some family event, or just a funny story that you shared. Or I find that simply sneaking up behind someone and hugging them can do wonders for a bad mood.
Thanks for another great post Leo, and I second the idea of putting this in the ‘most popular’ list so folks not online this week can find it easily.
Linda Steele Says:
December 25th, 2008, 11:09 am
Hi Leo,
Thanks for the reminder of what Christmas is all about. My husband and I spent time with his sister and her family on Christmas Eve. It was a wonderful evening but was somewhat distracting as his 20-year-old niece has to keep texting…so I especially like the one about being present. I also liked it when her father told her “no more phone”. I would also like to add the importance of creating memories and holiday traditions.
I hope you are having a great Christmas with your family.
Looking forward to more great posts in the new year.
Thanks,
Linda
Vincent Says:
December 25th, 2008, 11:20 am
Sometimes we spend too much time working and earning money to buy gifts for our love ones but we neglected the fundamental gifts such as time and love. Great points listed, Leo.
Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger
Carla Golden Says:
December 25th, 2008, 12:34 pm
Excellent post! Thank you! Be well, Carla aka OneHealthyGirl.com
“There are two ways to get enough: one is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.”
— G.K. Chesterton
Ted Hunter Says:
December 25th, 2008, 12:56 pm
Those are pretty good, but might I suggest a No. 7? A Nintendo DS. Those things are pretty cool, too.
Jen Brister Says:
December 25th, 2008, 18:25 pm
I am giving the gift of sleep. Everyone gets to wake up and sleep according to their own body clock this weekend. Including me!
Blueridgemtguy Says:
December 25th, 2008, 19:58 pm
Thats right on time! “Merry Christmas y’all”
Kat Eden Says:
December 25th, 2008, 23:34 pm
Another gift idea I had was to request that we all make gifts for each other rather than buy them .. I was worried that people would complain at the required effort but in fact everybody delighted in the chance to show off their unique talents, whether it be a few well thought words, a beautiful photo, or something more detailed and crafty. The gifts I received from people on that occasion are among my most treasured.
Enduring Wanderlust Says:
December 26th, 2008, 22:01 pm
Well said. Love the quote from Thich Nhat Hanh too. He is a great inspiration and an under-rated world leader. Though I imagine that’s how a Buddhist monk would want it.
Graham Says:
December 27th, 2008, 10:30 am
I didn’t get to read this before Christmas, but no matter. Thanks for the reality-check - this stuff is doable (and should be done) throughout the year. Some of these would make awesome New Year resolutions too.
Miss Attica Says:
December 27th, 2008, 11:23 am
Great list! I hope I manage to give my loved ones some of these gifts once in a while. Good reminder. Thanks!
merri ellen - cure depression writings Says:
December 27th, 2008, 14:23 pm
One of the best gifts we can give to others is a listening ear. Turn off the ipods, iphones and just sit and listen. :)
Lately, I prefer time spent rather than gifts. Time spent together doesn’t collect dust!
Rose Garden Says:
December 29th, 2008, 12:39 pm
@Ted Hunter: you can get the Nintendo for yourself … but then again, I suppose you can listen to yourself too.
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