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The Only Guide to Happiness You’ll Ever Need

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” - Benjamin Franklin

For some of us, the ultimate goal in life is happiness.

Whether we see fulfillment in our work, contentment in our relationships, passion in our hobbies … we strive to find happiness.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” - Aristotle

And yet, this search for happiness can be a lifelong search, especially if we look at happiness as something that will come once we achieve certain goals — a nice home, a perfect spouse, the ultimate promotion … and when we get these goals, instead of being happy, we often are looking forward to being happy when we meet our next goals.

Happiness shouldn’t be something that happens to us in the future, maybe someday, if things go well. Happiness should be here and now, who we are now, with the people we’re with now, doing the things we’re doing now. And if we’re not with people who make us happy, and doing things that make us happy … then we should take action to make that happen.

That’s the simple formula for happiness. Take action to do the things that make you happy, with the people who make you happy, and to be happy with the person you are now. (Disclaimer: this probably doesn’t apply, of course, to those who are clinically depressed or who have other similar medical conditions which I am not qualified to discuss.)

Don’t wait for happiness. Seize it.

“If you want to be happy, be.” - Leo Tolstoy

Here’s how — a list of action you can take today to seize that happiness. You don’t have to do these all at once, but you should do most (if not all) of them eventually, and sooner rather than later. Pick one or two and start today.

Be present. Don’t think about how great things will be in the future. Don’t dwell on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the here and now, and experience life as it’s happening, and appreciate the world for the beauty that it is, right now. Practice makes perfect with this crucial skill.
Connect with others. In my experience, very few things can achieve happiness as well as connecting with other human beings, cultivating relationships, bonding with others. Some tips on doing this.
Spend time with those you love. This might seem almost the same as the item above, and in reality it’s an extension of the same concept, a more specific application. Spending time with the people you love is extremely important to happiness … and yet it’s incredible how often we do just the opposite, and spend time alone, or disconnected from those we love, or spend time with people we don’t much like. Make it a priority to schedule time with the people you love. Make that your most important item of the day. For myself, I have a time when I cut off work, and the rest of the day is for my family. Weekends are exclusively for my family. And by setting aside this sacred time, I ensure my happiness by letting nothing come between me and the people I love most.
Do the things you love. What do you love doing most? Figure out the 4-5 things you love doing most in life, the things that make you happiest, and make those the foundation of your day, every day. Eliminate as much of the rest as possible. For me, the things I love doing are: spending time with my family, writing, reading, and running. I do those things every day, and very little else. It may take awhile to get your life down to your essentials like I have (it took me a few years of careful elimination and rescheduling and saying “no” to requests that aren’t on my short list), but it’s worth the effort.
Focus on the good things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects — whether you’re happy or not depends largely on which aspects you focus on. Did you lose today’s softball game? At least you got to spend time with friends doing something fun. Did you sprain your ankle running? Well, your body probably needed a week’s rest anyway, as you were running too much! Did your baby get sick? Well, at least it’s only a flu virus and nothing life-threatening … and at least you have a wonderful baby to nurse to health! You can see my point — almost everything has a positive side, and focusing on the positives make all the difference. My Auntie Kerry died last week (as you know), and I’m still grieving, but 1) I’m happy I spent time with her before her death; 2) her death has brought our family closer together; 3) her suffering has ended; and 4) it reminded me to spend more time with the people I love while they’re still alive.
Do work you love. An extension, of course, of doing the things you love, but applied to work. Are you already doing the work you love? Then you’re one of the lucky ones, and you should appreciate how lucky you are. If you aren’t doing the work you love, you should make it a priority to try to find work you’re passionate about, and to steer your career in that direction. Take myself for example: I was doing work that I was good at (just last year), but that I wasn’t passionate about. I was passionate about writing, and so I pursued blogging … and with a year of hard work, was able to quit my day job and blog full time. I’m so much happier these days!
Lose yourself in your work. Once you’ve found work you love, the key is to lose yourself in it … clear away all distractions, find an interesting and challenging task, and just pour all your energy and focus into that task. With practice, you’ll forget about the outside world. There are few work-related joys that equal this feeling. Read more.
Help others. Is there any better feeling than helping a fellow human being? There aren’t many. And it’s not too hard — here are 25 ways.
Find time for peace. With the hectic pace of life these days, it’s hard to find a moment of peace. But if you can make time for solitude and quiet, it can be one of the happiest parts of your day. Here’s how.
Notice the small things. Instead of waiting for the big things to happen — marriage, kids, house, nice car, big promotion, winning the lottery — find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning hours, or the delicious and simple taste of berries, or the pleasure of reading a book with your child, or taking a walk with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures, throughout your day, makes a huge difference.
Develop compassion. Compassion is developing a sense of shared suffering with others … and taking steps to alleviate the suffering of others. I think too often we forget about the suffering of others while focusing on our own suffering, and if we learned to share the suffering of others, our suffering would seem insignificant as a result. Compassion is an extremely valuable skill to learn, and you get better with practice. Here’s how.
Be grateful. Learning to be grateful for what’s in our lives, for the people who have enriched our lives, goes a long way toward happiness. It helps us to appreciate what we have and what we have received, and the people who have helped us. Read more.
Become a lifelong learner. I find an inordinate amount of pleasure in reading, in learning about new things, in enriching my knowledge as I get older. I think spending time reading some of the classics, as well as passionately pursuing new interests, is energy well invested. Try to do a little of it every day, and see if it doesn’t make you happier.
Simplify your life. This is really about identifying the things you love (see above) and then eliminating everything else as much as possible. By simplifying your life in this way, you create time for your happiness, and you reduce the stress and chaos in your life. In my experience, living a very simple life is also a pleasure in itself.
Slow down. Similar to simplifying, slowing down is just a matter of reminding yourself that there’s no need to rush through life. Schedule less things on your calendar, and more space between things. Learn to eat slower, drive slower, walk slower (unless you’re doing it for exercise). Going slowly helps to reduce stress, and improve the pleasure of doing things, and keeps you in the present moment.
Exercise. I’ve written about the pleasures of exercise many times. It can be hard to start an exercise program (here’s how) but once you get going, it relieves stress and can really give you a good feeling. I feel joyful every time I go out for a run!
Meditate. You don’t need to join a Zendo or get a mat or learn any lotus positions, but the simplest form of meditation can really help you to be present and to get out of the worrying part of your head. You can do it right now: close your eyes and simply try to focus on your breathing as long as possible. Pay attention to the breath as it comes into your body, and then as it goes out. When you feel your mind start to wander, don’t fret, but just simply acknowledge the other thoughts, and then return to your breathing. Do this a little each day and you’ll get better at it.
Learn to accept. One of the challenges for people like me — people who want to improve themselves and change the world — is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to learn to accept, and to love, the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to try to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. I’m not saying you should accept cruelty and injustice, but learn to love things when they are less than “perfect”.
Spend time in nature. Go outside and take a walk each day, or take the time to watch a sunset or sunrise. Or find a body of water — the ocean, a lake, a river, a pond — and spend time taking a look at it, contemplating it. If you’re lucky enough to live near some woods, or a mountain, or a canyon, go hiking. Time in nature is time invested in your happiness.
Find the miracles in life. I absolutely believe in miracles, and believe that they are all around us, every day. My children are all miracles. The kindnesses of strangers are miracles. The life growing all around us is a miracle. Find those miracles in your life, and enjoy the majesty of them.

For more happiness reading, check out my favorite happiness blog: The Happiness Project, by the lovely Gretchen Rubin.

“Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky

—
If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

The Only Guide to Happiness You’ll Ever Need

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” - Benjamin Franklin

For some of us, the ultimate goal in life is happiness.

Whether we see fulfillment in our work, contentment in our relationships, passion in our hobbies … we strive to find happiness.

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.” - Aristotle

Don’t wait for happiness. Seize it.

“If you want to be happy, be.” - Leo Tolstoy

Be present. Don’t think about how great things will be in the future. Don’t dwell on what did or didn’t happen in the past. Learn to be in the here and now, and experience life as it’s happening, and appreciate the world for the beauty that it is, right now. Practice makes perfect with this crucial skill.
Connect with others. In my experience, very few things can achieve happiness as well as connecting with other human beings, cultivating relationships, bonding with others. Some tips on doing this.
Spend time with those you love. This might seem almost the same as the item above, and in reality it’s an extension of the same concept, a more specific application. Spending time with the people you love is extremely important to happiness … and yet it’s incredible how often we do just the opposite, and spend time alone, or disconnected from those we love, or spend time with people we don’t much like. Make it a priority to schedule time with the people you love. Make that your most important item of the day. For myself, I have a time when I cut off work, and the rest of the day is for my family. Weekends are exclusively for my family. And by setting aside this sacred time, I ensure my happiness by letting nothing come between me and the people I love most.
Do the things you love. What do you love doing most? Figure out the 4-5 things you love doing most in life, the things that make you happiest, and make those the foundation of your day, every day. Eliminate as much of the rest as possible. For me, the things I love doing are: spending time with my family, writing, reading, and running. I do those things every day, and very little else. It may take awhile to get your life down to your essentials like I have (it took me a few years of careful elimination and rescheduling and saying “no” to requests that aren’t on my short list), but it’s worth the effort.
Focus on the good things. Everyone’s life has positive and negative aspects — whether you’re happy or not depends largely on which aspects you focus on. Did you lose today’s softball game? At least you got to spend time with friends doing something fun. Did you sprain your ankle running? Well, your body probably needed a week’s rest anyway, as you were running too much! Did your baby get sick? Well, at least it’s only a flu virus and nothing life-threatening … and at least you have a wonderful baby to nurse to health! You can see my point — almost everything has a positive side, and focusing on the positives make all the difference. My Auntie Kerry died last week (as you know), and I’m still grieving, but 1) I’m happy I spent time with her before her death; 2) her death has brought our family closer together; 3) her suffering has ended; and 4) it reminded me to spend more time with the people I love while they’re still alive.
Do work you love. An extension, of course, of doing the things you love, but applied to work. Are you already doing the work you love? Then you’re one of the lucky ones, and you should appreciate how lucky you are. If you aren’t doing the work you love, you should make it a priority to try to find work you’re passionate about, and to steer your career in that direction. Take myself for example: I was doing work that I was good at (just last year), but that I wasn’t passionate about. I was passionate about writing, and so I pursued blogging … and with a year of hard work, was able to quit my day job and blog full time. I’m so much happier these days!
Lose yourself in your work. Once you’ve found work you love, the key is to lose yourself in it … clear away all distractions, find an interesting and challenging task, and just pour all your energy and focus into that task. With practice, you’ll forget about the outside world. There are few work-related joys that equal this feeling. Read more.
Help others. Is there any better feeling than helping a fellow human being? There aren’t many. And it’s not too hard — here are 25 ways.
Find time for peace. With the hectic pace of life these days, it’s hard to find a moment of peace. But if you can make time for solitude and quiet, it can be one of the happiest parts of your day. Here’s how.
Notice the small things. Instead of waiting for the big things to happen — marriage, kids, house, nice car, big promotion, winning the lottery — find happiness in the small things that happen every day. Little things like having a quiet cup of coffee in the early morning hours, or the delicious and simple taste of berries, or the pleasure of reading a book with your child, or taking a walk with your partner. Noticing these small pleasures, throughout your day, makes a huge difference.
Develop compassion. Compassion is developing a sense of shared suffering with others … and taking steps to alleviate the suffering of others. I think too often we forget about the suffering of others while focusing on our own suffering, and if we learned to share the suffering of others, our suffering would seem insignificant as a result. Compassion is an extremely valuable skill to learn, and you get better with practice. Here’s how.
Be grateful. Learning to be grateful for what’s in our lives, for the people who have enriched our lives, goes a long way toward happiness. It helps us to appreciate what we have and what we have received, and the people who have helped us. Read more.
Become a lifelong learner. I find an inordinate amount of pleasure in reading, in learning about new things, in enriching my knowledge as I get older. I think spending time reading some of the classics, as well as passionately pursuing new interests, is energy well invested. Try to do a little of it every day, and see if it doesn’t make you happier.
Simplify your life. This is really about identifying the things you love (see above) and then eliminating everything else as much as possible. By simplifying your life in this way, you create time for your happiness, and you reduce the stress and chaos in your life. In my experience, living a very simple life is also a pleasure in itself.
Slow down. Similar to simplifying, slowing down is just a matter of reminding yourself that there’s no need to rush through life. Schedule less things on your calendar, and more space between things. Learn to eat slower, drive slower, walk slower (unless you’re doing it for exercise). Going slowly helps to reduce stress, and improve the pleasure of doing things, and keeps you in the present moment.
Exercise. I’ve written about the pleasures of exercise many times. It can be hard to start an exercise program (here’s how) but once you get going, it relieves stress and can really give you a good feeling. I feel joyful every time I go out for a run!
Meditate. You don’t need to join a Zendo or get a mat or learn any lotus positions, but the simplest form of meditation can really help you to be present and to get out of the worrying part of your head. You can do it right now: close your eyes and simply try to focus on your breathing as long as possible. Pay attention to the breath as it comes into your body, and then as it goes out. When you feel your mind start to wander, don’t fret, but just simply acknowledge the other thoughts, and then return to your breathing. Do this a little each day and you’ll get better at it.
Learn to accept. One of the challenges for people like me — people who want to improve themselves and change the world — is learning to accept things as they are. Sometimes it’s better to learn to accept, and to love, the world as it is, and people as they are, rather than to try to make everything and everyone conform to an impossible ideal. I’m not saying you should accept cruelty and injustice, but learn to love things when they are less than “perfect”.
Spend time in nature. Go outside and take a walk each day, or take the time to watch a sunset or sunrise. Or find a body of water — the ocean, a lake, a river, a pond — and spend time taking a look at it, contemplating it. If you’re lucky enough to live near some woods, or a mountain, or a canyon, go hiking. Time in nature is time invested in your happiness.
Find the miracles in life. I absolutely believe in miracles, and believe that they are all around us, every day. My children are all miracles. The kindnesses of strangers are miracles. The life growing all around us is a miracle. Find those miracles in your life, and enjoy the majesty of them.

For more happiness reading, check out my favorite happiness blog: The Happiness Project, by the lovely Gretchen Rubin.

“Man is fond of counting his troubles, but he does not count his joys. If he counted them up as he ought to, he would see that every lot has enough happiness provided for it.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky

—
If you liked this article, please share it on del.icio.us, StumbleUpon or Digg. I’d appreciate it. :)

Posted on 16 July 2008 in Happiness |
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Comments (98)

Vered - MomGrind Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:09 pm

I am gradually learning to accept that happiness is probably not a constant state of mind, but rather, that there are fleeting moments of happiness that we need to learn to recognize, capture and enjoy to the fullest.

Thomas Herold Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:14 pm

Happiness ultimately comes not from the outside. The more you look inside the more you come to a place where happiness originates.

Happiness is a state of being. It’s the state of understanding of who you are. It’s the acknowledgment of fulfilling your potential and make your contribution in this world.

Cheers

Thomas Herold
CEO Dream Manifesto

Scott McIntyre Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:18 pm

I especially like Number 5- focus on the good things.

This is important when times get tough and life gets us down. By holding on to the positive, we can just about hang on until things turn better.

Rahul Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:21 pm

Meditate.

That has helped me so much. I didn’t realize how much this can help different areas of my life. It really puts me in a calming state no matter the situation. It’s also helped my golf game! I have come up with some of my most creative sessions right after I meditate.

Justin Hernandez Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:26 pm

Thanks Leo, great article! :)

Josh Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:35 pm

Even for the clinically depressed (aka me…) these tips are super-applicable. Yes, sometimes we may need more therapy or understanding to actually know how to do these kinds of things, but this is exactly what you need, regardless of where you’re at now.

Jonathan B. Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:44 pm

For me, I almost always feel a sense of inner peace and contentment. “Happiness,” like Vered mentioned above, is something that happens at certain times. It’s a much higher energy than normal. I imagine if I felt that way all the time, I may become quite tired and require lots of sleep! :D

I like what you write about losing yourself in work. I am able to do that sometimes. It is great because 1) I get a lot of work done and 2) before I know it, it’s time to go home!

Shanel Yang Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:49 pm

There was a time when I didn’t know what happiness meant. Then, I came across a list of 25 statements of happy people. I wrote about that in a guest post at Dumb Little Man called
“25 Statements to Happiness” at http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/04/25-statements-to-happiness.html

And, now, I’m happy to report that I can honestly say each of those things about myself now. It’s a handy list to measure against your own level of current happiness and something to strive for if you can’t yet say all of them. : )

Jarrod - Warrior Development Says:

July 16th, 2008, 19:58 pm

The amazing thing is if you can do the 1st item very well (Be Present), separating from your thoughts and feelings, the almost every other point you mentioned naturally occurs.

The exceptions being going to meditate, going to exercise and going to spend time in nature. Because these are external actions.

Happiness is really accessible to everyone at any moment in their life once they break free of thoughts and emotions.

Michael Moniz Says:

July 16th, 2008, 20:38 pm

Spending time with nature is a great one. It is connects you back to life.

I have never been into gardening but I created a butterfly garden. It really helped to change my attitude and life on days. I can just go out there, reconnect and be in the garden and see all the beautiful butterflies flying around.

A little sun and nature does a body good!

Zac Says:

July 16th, 2008, 20:49 pm

Our pastor recently completed a coupe months long discussion on the Sermon on the Mount. In talking about judging others (Matthew 7:1-3) he made the comment that he doesn’t do tolerance — he does love. To him tolerance is judging (i.e. I think you’re screwed up, but I’m ok with it.) His point is that it isn’t our job to judge — just love.

It was a new take on judging others and one that has brought me a sense of calm and happiness.

My Life In a Cube Says:

July 16th, 2008, 21:13 pm

Happiness is an empty inbox in the morning.

Lisa Says:

July 16th, 2008, 21:37 pm

The first item, to be present, means that we experience our emotions as they rise up for us, including the not so happy ones. By feeling these less happy emotions, they dissolve, and allow room for happiness, or relaxation, to exist.

So by letting go of our need to be happy, we allow happiness to enter into our hearts.

becoming minimalist Says:

July 16th, 2008, 21:57 pm

spend time with other happy people.
negativity is contagious.

Nat Says:

July 16th, 2008, 21:58 pm

I loved this. Just wanted you to know that. Thank you.

Leo Says:

July 16th, 2008, 22:07 pm

Thanks, everyone, for the great comments! I’m glad you liked this post — and I appreciate the different perspectives on happiness.

@My Life In a Cube: An empty inbox in the morning? Here’s how to do it:

1. Create a new email filter where the criteria is the “@” symbol in the “from” field.
2. Have the action be “delete”.

Voila! Empty inbox! ;)

Leo Says:

July 16th, 2008, 22:13 pm

@Josh: Thanks for the insight on clinical depression. Honestly, I don’t know enough about it to say one way or another, and the last time I didn’t include that disclaimer, a friend who is a clinical depressive got on my case. :)

Greg Larsen Says:

July 16th, 2008, 22:32 pm

Great list Leo!

In my quest for happiness I’ve found that the body naturally wants to experience happiness. Our thinking about the external world around us, and our thinking about that thinking, diverts our attention away from our bodies. This is a big source of stress. In my life coaching practice I put a lot of emphasis on re-directing the client’s attention back to their bodies. The body wants balance, flow, and happiness. It feels great! Regarding ‘being present’, the body is always here and now - an anchor to the present moment. The practice of body (and inner-body) awareness has been an essential tool on my path.

Greg
http://www.happyashumanlypossible.com

Andre Kibbe Says:

July 16th, 2008, 22:49 pm

Contentment might be a more realistic goal than happiness, at least as a continuous state of being. Pleasant experiences bring happiness in the moment, but I think people tend to get anxious about holding on to the feeling, and end up making themselves unhappy. Being content, on the other hand, is a state of emotional equilibrium (peace), and it seems like most of the great tips you gave were more gear towards than being “happy.” As Viktor Frankl would say, “Happiness cannot be pursued. It must ensue.” But hey, I’ll take happiness any way I can get it.

Marelisa Says:

July 17th, 2008, 0:12 am

Laugh often –laughter releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones–and make happiness a priority.

Eugene (Editor, Varsity Blah) Says:

July 17th, 2008, 0:21 am

I go out everyday and spend my time doing things that add value to my life and the lives of other people. And there are tons of those. Every time I read a book, go running, or do a favor for a friend, I like to believe I make a small difference in the world. Silly as it may sound, I believe those things add value to my life and I believe that value gets passed on to everyone around me.

That’s my key to happiness. It’s just a case of living one day at a time and making sure every day counts. It’s about doing little things that have a huge impact. A smile here and a compliment there really go a long way! In the end you realize that happiness is a choice and that you might as well be happy because 99% of the time there’s no reason not to.

Sara at On Simplicity Says:

July 17th, 2008, 1:45 am

I thoroughly enjoyed this. A reader and I have recently been discussing the nature of happiness and it’s been on my mind. I do think happiness is a choice (love the Tolstoy quote). But as your take implies, it’s not an on and off switch, it’s a decision to make better choices each and every moment.

And while I’m big believer in a spectrum of happiness (different levels, different kinds) and the idea that a person doesn’t have to be happy all the time, there’s usually even a choice to be happy in times of sorrow and struggle. For me, it’s a choice of accepting sadness in order to embrace happiness later.

At this point I’m rambling, but again, I really enjoyed your opinion and its expression here. Thanks.

Ryan McLean Says:

July 17th, 2008, 1:50 am

I love your tip on being present. So often I dream of the future and what my life cna be like that I forget to face the reality of what my like is REALLY like

G.M.Murphy Says:

July 17th, 2008, 1:54 am

Lovely,Leo. So many of us in North America expect happiness to just happen without any effort on our parts. I’ve learned rather recently that happiness requires work and discipline just as you describe in your post.

eclecticaliah Says:

July 17th, 2008, 2:07 am

I believe happiness is closely related to contentment. We can make ourselves miserable if we get caught in the cycle of thinking, “I would be happy if I could just ______” (own that house, get that job, eat that chocolate bar, get a bigger TV, have what he/she has). I noticed that nowhere in your list do you include buying more stuff! Material things will not make us happy, no matter how much we have. Many of the items in the list are internal and immaterial things (meditation, being with people, being present and compassionate, learning…), and the items that do include external things involve being grateful and noticing the little blessings and miracles.
A great reminder!

Tristan Says:

July 17th, 2008, 2:12 am

Well, as I’m reading through your wonderful blog for several months now, I just wanted to tell that I appreciate your work, Leo. So keep it up and enrich my day with your thoughts.

For me, happiness is a chain of many small happy moments. Earlier in my life I was unable to even notice the beauty which surrounds me every day. I’m living with a strong form of ADHD without knowing that fact. I worked hard every day and was responsible for large amounts of money and lots of jobs. Finally it got me to burn out and to develop a mild depression. With the help of a good psychologist that I learnt to trust in and which nowadays is a good friend of me, I pulled myself out of that dark part of my life and found to a state that I’m happy about. I found to simplicity, said good bye to a large part of my property and changed many of my attitudes.

In my opinion happiness is easy to achieve but hard to see.

Recently you quoted Erich Fromm, an author that I really love. His books were a good help to me and I believe they’re some kind of a must-read.

Cheers, Tristan

PS: Big sorrys for my bad English, but I’m out of practice for some years now. It’s much more difficult to write in it than I thought, and when I’m true, I was never good at that. :/

Ricardo Bueno Says:

July 17th, 2008, 2:29 am

Sara at On Simplicity just about said it for me:
“it’s a decision to make better choices each and every moment.”

Me…I’m an optimist. Even in the face of a challenge..(you know, one of those “life is tough” moments) I’m at peace and happy. I go so far as to find humor in the situation.

I wasn’t always this way. I didn’t have this “happy-go-lucky” attitude all the time. I simply learned to simplify my life and to acknowledge that I always have a choice. A choice to be happy and see the good, or sit and pout about all that’s wrong with the world.

npr Says:

July 17th, 2008, 2:37 am

Happiness cannot be achieved. It’s a distraction. It’s an illusion.

Richard Says:

July 17th, 2008, 2:54 am

npr,

I’m not sure that I agree with you - in fact, I don’t agree at all! Happiness is not always an illusion. However, happiness is a state of mind. We often delude ourselves that we are happy, although often our happiness is simply derived from craving and subsequent attainment of and attachment to to material objects/appearances (a new car, that lovely designer watch, that new foundation that makes your skin appear perfect etc.). In that sense, this type of happiness is an illusion.

Converesely, spiritual happiness is attainable to everyone (at varying levels)!

In addition, and in response to what Eugene (Varsity Blah) said, positive acitons that we do in our daily lives make us happy, and make others happy - these positive vibrations do add ‘value’ to others’ lives, and they return to you as good karma; that is the ‘value’ he mentions. And there is nothing more valuable than good karma :-)

http://www.cheewit.net

seo freelancer Says:

July 17th, 2008, 3:11 am

oh, man! you go to philosophical global theme, not to Zen. Period. I guess you can’t never tell us the recipe of complete happiness, as there are different cultures in every square m of the World. You feel like world guru? I very impressed by your thoughts, but can’t say you have a new bible. Have a nice time!

seo freelancer Says:

July 17th, 2008, 3:40 am

I’m very sorry for spaming here, but - living here hic et nunc is the happiness - to be part of anything, to breath, to touch and to feel is all we have. Everything else is your will. Happiness is impression of the mirror of yourself. This is Zen.

Melissa Says:

July 17th, 2008, 3:54 am

Thanks for the great post.
One thing I wanted to chime in on, was what you said about acceptance. I agree that acceptance is crucial to the process, however, you stated that you shouldn’t accept cruelty or injustice. In the interests of tossing out another idea, how about acceptance of everything. You can’t change anything until you accept it as it is. I remember reading an analogy about someone who locked their keys in their car. They run around looking for ways to drive away or get in the car and until they accept that the keys are inside, they can’t do the work to get unstuck.
Maybe it is just another way to look at acceptance. Instead of thinking, this is the way things are or resigning to a situation, it is a starting point. Once you accept what is, you are free to look for solutions

Noel Kingsley Says:

July 17th, 2008, 5:34 am

For me, happiness is a choice. I can choose to be happy no matter what situation I am in instead of other emotions. We have all (I hope) experienced happiness at some time in our lives and we know what that feels like. By pausing a moment we can find that bubble of happiness. We can create it for ourselves without external stimulii, activities or gifts. It’s there inside. We can make any emotion by invoking it. As we create the happiness mood within us, we also create endorphins and as we do that we become happier still. Some people are unhappy no matter what great things there are around them and there are others who are constantly happy despite having ‘nothing’. But in essence they have everything.

Happiness is just a choice. I write about this sort of thing on http://www.thinkinghappy.com :-)

Kuroki Kaze Says:

July 17th, 2008, 6:38 am

“If you want to be happy, be.” - is Alexey Tolstoy, not Lev.

Hello from Russia :)

Joe | A New Band A Day Says:

July 17th, 2008, 6:43 am

The funny thing about happiness is that you have to work at it, and this seems somehow counter-intuitive. I suppose this comes from your experience as a child, where (assuming all was relatively rosy) almost everything you did was new, exciting and made you feel happy.

So, as the adult world seems to not be focussed on happiness, it’s a nice surprsie to figure out that happiness can be achieved by working at it, if you’re prepared to put in the legwork.

Joe - http://www.anewbandaday.com

Pete Says:

July 17th, 2008, 7:01 am

Gretchen, as you know, I love your blog. Can’t wait for your book.

As for me, happiness is a balance of life that I work on everyday. All of these 20 tips, help pull me out of the daily grind, and let me enjoy the moments I know are precious.

http://www.YinVsYang.com

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 7:23 am

@Pete: Just to be clear, Gretchen didn’t write the post, I did … I was just referring people to her happiness blog. :)

seo freelancer Says:

July 17th, 2008, 7:33 am

I suppose al comments will go to generate a huge talkings of ‘happiness’ term. but we mean Zen, guys. we talk of the of ‘meaning of happiness.’ Zen and happiness are the same. If you are into zen - life is happiness. what else?

you can practice zen every time, in every place, in every situation - it works. if u like to take an apple - you can take it by your hand - apple is yours. so simple. every situation in your life is under your control. apple - is yours. your movement - apple is into your hand. take it.

Jesse Says:

July 17th, 2008, 7:36 am

#10 is especially important for me. When you notice the small things, other problems don’t seem nearly as big!

Mary Says:

July 17th, 2008, 8:25 am

Leo, another great post. :-)

I use a little ritual to remind myself how fortunate I am that goes with your tip to be grateful. Each night as I’m preparing for bed, I write down five things that I’m thankful for that day. Big or small, it helps me to notice the good things (another of your tips) and appreciate them. It also goes along with #1, to be present. You can’t notice the good things and be thankful for them if you aren’t in the present moment with them.

This little gratitude journal has done wonders for my overall mindset, reminding me that I am very fortunate and have a lot of wonderful people, events and things in my life.

Marisa Says:

July 17th, 2008, 8:32 am

We are becoming a nation of men and women who, in their quest for happiness, all too often fall short of achieving any kind of inner peace. We think that by always reaching higher, accomplishing more–more money, a better body, the perfect mate–that we will automatically be happy. That’s an illusion. All this reaching is making us crazy. We need to rest.

– Melvyn Kinder

Carlos Says:

July 17th, 2008, 9:36 am

Leo, this is my “to do” list now… Thanks for yet another excellent post!

Jamie Pick - WiredParentPad Says:

July 17th, 2008, 9:38 am

Great article Leo!

I’m a huge promoter of “positive energy”. Portray and emit positive energy and good things will follow.

One of my favorite quotes of all time (though it’s a bit over used) is “Yesterday is History, Tomorrow’s a Mystery, Today’s a Gift”. This fits perfectly with your opening thoughts in this article. The Tolstoy one is a good one too that I may have to stick in my back pocket for future use.

Noel Kingsley Says:

July 17th, 2008, 9:43 am

It’s my belief that you can just simply choose to be happy (or content) no matter what situation you’re in. It’s a choice that’s not dependent on having wealth, activity, companionship or comfort. There are people who appear to have everything yet are not happy, and others who do not have anything, are very happy; iindeed they probably have it all. We can invoke the sense of happiness by bringing it on. We have all experienced happiness at some point in our life (I hope!) and we can bring it about by seeking that bubble of excitement from deep inside and by smiling. By doing so we create endorphins which make us feel happy and the process is self fulfilling.
It’s can be down to a simple choice.

Gloria Says:

July 17th, 2008, 10:06 am

My mantra is … Just be Happy! Happiness is a choice and a frame of mind. Think happy. Be happy. Like Leo said in #5, focus on the good things. This will naturally lift your spirit. Look for the positive rather than the negative.

Oh, and one more thing… When you’re feeling sad, simply smile. I know that sounds really corny or whatever, but just the simple act of smiling can help to make you happy. And if you can laugh, that’s even better. Those wonderful endorphins get released into your system and pretty soon you’re smiling for real — and you’re happy, too!

So … Just be Happy and smile a lot. It makes people wonder what you’re up to.

Marc and Angel Hack Life Says:

July 17th, 2008, 10:43 am

Leo, I love your point on noticing the small things. I truly believe that the best things are free. I also did short write-up entitled The 7 Habits of Highly Happy People. Check it out if you get a chance: http://www.marcandangel.com/2008/06/05/the-7-habits-of-highly-happy-people/

Gloria Says:

July 17th, 2008, 11:23 am

Just wanted to add to my happy mantra. I thought about this after I posted, but hadn’t had my Zen coffee yet.

I have a two-year-old granddaughter who completely radiates joy with every part of her being (except when she’s crabby, of course). Just thinking about her brings a smile to my face and pure happiness to my heart.

So when I said above to just be happy and smile, you can add so much joy to that by thinking about someone you totally love. When I’m feeling sad or stressed, I think about my granddaughter. The powerful feelings of happiness and joy completely fills me, and I can’t help but smile and be happy.

So if you’re feeling sad or stressed, think about someone or something that gives you joy. It works immediately to bring you to a happy place.

Nick Says:

July 17th, 2008, 11:31 am

I think there are fewer/simpler ways to happiness than this list of 20. 20 things is a lot to keep track of and do, and not all are doable.

For an easier path try:

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz

or even simpler:
“All happiness depends on courage and work” - Balzac

Noel Kingsley Says:

July 17th, 2008, 11:35 am

Even easier is just choose to be happy! :-)

Heidi Says:

July 17th, 2008, 12:31 pm

My all time favorite happiness quote is this one:
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.” - Gandhi

And, as some other readers have mentioned, I find my children are good models for me on how to be happy. I wrote about my two year old and how he taught me to be present here: http://www.iwasthinking.ca/2007/10/08/wave-theory/

Maddy Says:

July 17th, 2008, 12:40 pm

I just started reading your blog and it lifts my spirits, energizes me and helps me to focus on what is more important in life. Thank you.

Jen (Miss Bliss) Says:

July 17th, 2008, 12:51 pm

Wonderful list. I find that focusing on the positive has made all the difference.

seo freelancer Says:

July 17th, 2008, 13:26 pm

oh, we all think positive. how bad that happended???????

Overcoming Lifes Obstacles Says:

July 17th, 2008, 14:44 pm

To be happy is to be true to yourself, and to choose to be happy regardless what obstacles life throws your way …

Israel Says:

July 17th, 2008, 15:14 pm

I spend as much time as possible with my wife and daughter. I love them so much. There are times when my daughter ignores me or wants to do something without me, she is 3. lol. Man, I love her.

Amy Says:

July 17th, 2008, 15:15 pm

Leo -
This is obviously something to which you have given a great deal of thought. I do enjoy reading lists, but I’m wondering if you have experimented with trying to convey this information in different way.

Why not a poem? Or a story?

I hope you have not been blogging so much that you are thinking in lists! There is no happiness there.

Do not speak to your soul; listen to it.
Feel the fog condense on the surface of your skin; feel the heat go from your body to fill every corner of the universe; stoke the ever re-newing fire in the center of your being.

Kris Says:

July 17th, 2008, 15:49 pm

Right on, Leo!

I think it all comes down to essentials. This might be a little morbid, but if you simply imagine that you only have a short period of time to live such as 6months, then ask yourself, how would I spend my time? That should give you the answer on how to be most happy today.

When someone close to me had terminal cancer, I know that in some ways, those were the happiest days of his life because he lived with complete purpose doing only the things that mattered to him. And I found myself living that way too.

Tony - Spark Victory Says:

July 17th, 2008, 15:51 pm

I agree, I also really like point 5 the best, the right focus can make the most significant the difference in your overall happiness. Each one of us has the responsibility to choose how we want to live. Having a positive attitude will set the tone for all aspects of your life. Thinking happy is the beginning to being happy.

Laurie | Express Yourself to Success Says:

July 17th, 2008, 15:58 pm

Thanks for the great post, Leo; I really enjoyed it. Just reading it and reflecting on it has added to my being happy today.

My thoughts: I don’t think I’ve ever found happiness in the “outside world” that has lasted long-term. Happiness is an inside job.

Sara Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:03 pm

I think people hate hearing that THEY are the ones in the way of their own happiness. But it’s true! Let yourself be happy!

Ron Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:17 pm

To me happiness is a feeling, one I could create in myself in a number of ways. I remember someone once having me write down 10 things I can do that make me happy. Now I can change my state anytime I want.

I also like to pursue Joy as much as happiness. Happiness as a feeling means it doesn’t have to have a good reason. I could do cocaine and feel happy. Joy is the state of knowing you are in goodness. Even if you are in hard circumstances you know you’re doing the right thing and that gives you joy.

Ron
http://www.distinctionsforlife.tv

Matt Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:30 pm

I believe everything on this list is a helpful and real way to achieve well-being, but, like some other comments, I’d like to point out that the word “happiness” is problematic. In the quote from Aristotle the word happiness might be better translated as “flourishing” (the original Greek word is “eudamonia”). Flourishing, unlike happiness, is measured on a larger scale, and may include sad moments. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that there is a time to be sad, and these moments of sadness, if one is at peace, are tinged with an awareness that life is still good, that one’s well-being is not dependent on one’s emotional state at the time, and that “this too shall pass.”

Another definition for happiness that some comments brought up is “contentment.” This is another tricky word, because, like others have already said, there are things we should not be content with.

In my life, I try to think of my path as an upward one, with dips. I am flourishing, if, in sum, I can see progress, spiritually, intellectually, and physically.

Being at peace, even with the reality that we are always battling something, always striving, is a noble goal. Being happy all the time is probably an impossible goal, and not necessarily a desirable one. We will and should feel anger, sadness, pain, and loneliness, but face these feelings, find their causes, and turn them into forces for growth, for flourishing.

Thank you so much, Leo, for your blog. I have been reading it for several months now, and it has been inspiring and helpful. And thank you to the rest of this community whose responses and comments reassure me that there are people out there looking to flourish in simple, gimmick-free ways, rather than cynically pointing out the many problems of the world, or ranting about their pet issues. Happiness (flourishing) is not a naive dream; it is the only way to live.

JadeM Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:34 pm

It’s amazing how little things in your life all seem to come together to point you in a right direction. My partner and I were just discussing the goal of “happiness” on a walk the other night. I am one of those people who place “happiness” on the acheivement of a long-term goal. He tells me to be happy in the present, and I will therefore BE happy in the future. My problem now is, I don’t know what I should be doing for work that will bring me happiness in my job. Any suggestions for figuring that one out?

We also did the exact meditation that you mention just the other night!!

Fit Bottomed Girl Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:40 pm

This is my first time on your blog, and it’s absolutely beautiful. The message, the writing, the design. I love it. I’m actually pretty sure that it just lowered my blood pressure.

Thanks for the great list of tips. I started meditating a few years ago, but lately have been “too busy.” This was a nice reminder that I need to allow more time for me.

Gene Says:

July 17th, 2008, 16:47 pm

I think it’s a great post. Since the world will end in just few short years, December 21, 2012 to be exact. It’s really important to appreciate every minute and live life to the fullest. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:10 pm

@Gene: Thanks … I also appreciate the inside information (with the exact date even!), as it will help me plan better.

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:11 pm

@Fit Bottomed Girl: Thanks! Lol … that’s the first time anyone’s said my blog lowered their blood pressure … maybe I can have that as my tagline? And maybe I can get it doctor-recommended as well! :)

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:15 pm

@Kuroki Kaze: Thanks for the info! Could you tell me where the quote comes from (like what specific work)? I did a google search and there are many sites that cite Leo Tolstoy as the source, and others that cite Aleksey. Also, could you tell me which Aleksey Tolstoy it is? There seem to be two. :)

Thanks for the help!

Fit Bottomed Girl Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:15 pm

Go for it! :)

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:16 pm

Another note: I love the discussion on the definition of happiness … I don’t have much to contribute, other than to note that the exact definition is probably different for every person.

Ryan Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:31 pm

@Leo

Great post, great writing. Gave me some needed clarity today. I hope you can continue writing for years to come and I hope that your writing CAN change the world, if even for the individuals you reach.

Just a quick question: Where do you find your quotes?

Liara Covert Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:47 pm

Some people think the most effective guide to experiencing happiness is to learn to listen to your inner self. As you realize you don’t have to do anything or go anywhere to ‘be happy,’ you begin to dissolve illusions.

Kaled Asmri Says:

July 17th, 2008, 17:52 pm

“Since the world will end in just few short years, December 21, 2012 to be exact.”

Hey Gene, thanks for making me laugh… lol.

Years ago, I read a great quote on happiness. I can’t exactly remember it… I think it’s something like:

There is no path to happiness… happiness IS the path.

Great post Leo, as always. I think living the present is something that needs a lot of practice. It deserves practicing indeed.

best,

- Kaled.

Leo Says:

July 17th, 2008, 18:05 pm

@Ryan: Thanks for the nice comment! I generally get my quotes from a number of sources, but my favorites are:

wisdomquotes.com
quotegarden.com
thinkexist.com
quotationspage.com

I also use google a lot. :)

Eric Says:

July 17th, 2008, 18:37 pm

I think your quote from Aristotle captured it all–we’re always frantically searching for some elusive “meaning of life” when the point to it all is really just to be happy. Not necessarily to find or achieve happiness like it’s a state to be sought after for the future, but to actually BE happy in the now.

“Career fulfillment” is a phrase many of us throw around, but few of us really stop to think about what it means. It’s refreshing to read your list of where and how to find happiness and fulfillment in life. I particularly like your notes, “be present” and “slow down.” These are two lessons I find myself constantly relearning.

piankeshaw Says:

July 17th, 2008, 20:54 pm

Leo, wonderful!!! One of your best! Very nice list. Happiness is so illusive to some people and yet it is right next to them. They always seem to ready for the “next thing” and happiness is only in the NOW. Thanks.

Zendad Says:

July 17th, 2008, 21:14 pm

I agree with the thoughts posted earlier that finding happiness in contentment is key. If you are content where you are at there is no need to search for happiness, everything should bring happiness. But alas, not everyone can achieve contentment so lists like this are very helpful.
Much appreciated Leo
Zendad
http://www.zendad.net

Seamus Says:

July 18th, 2008, 9:34 am

This list could well end up being as important and oft cited as the 10 Commandments one day.

Avi Marcus Says:

July 18th, 2008, 9:55 am

Heh, just wrote something today about happiness.
The core I think is this - don’t dependent on other people or the situation to make you happy.
http://www.avimarcus.net/2008/07/taking-responsibility-for-empowerment/

nudgeme Says:

July 18th, 2008, 11:48 am

Thanks Leo for another excellent post. I might add one more to the list, which is a simple one, but often overlooked. Stop doing things that you do not enjoy or do not make you happy. Yes, there will always be those “I must” or “I should” things to do esp for people we care about, but often times we get hung up on feeling we have to do things that really don’t matter in the bigger picture. Simply stopping doing what does not make you happy can be a great way to start being happier.

Jen Vondenbrink Says:

July 18th, 2008, 13:15 pm

Thanks Leo for this article. I loved it and all the links to the other resources. I am going to post this in my blog, http://www.yourlifesimplified.com/blog1 because I think it will help some of my readers as well.

Bryan Chain Says:

July 18th, 2008, 16:24 pm

I really like this list as I have been seeking more happiness in my life for some time. I have been reading a book called Stumbling on Happiness which has been the source of many topics on my blog.

I really love how your #1 tip is to be “Present”, as I think that dwelling on the past or stressing out about the future is indeed the #1 cause for most peoples daily plight. I wrote a post on the subject of presentism on my blog also if you care to give it a look.

http://www.werkkrew.com/2008/07/16/presentism-and-imagination-depression/

Love your blog by the way, add 1 to your subscribers list.

Jenna Says:

July 19th, 2008, 1:15 am

I’m curious to know if your wife gets to “do the things you love.” Men, and single people, often make suggestions that seem to come more easily to people who aren’t the mother of small children.

Does your wife get to do the 4-5 things she loves most of the time?

With 3 children and a husband who suffers from chronic pain I’ve spent years in survival mode. Now as my children get older I get to do a little more of what I love, but I’m curious if your suggestion is possible for even the exceptional wife and mother.

(I realize this sounds critical - it’s not meant that way - I’m just trying to figure out what’s possible and wondering if your wife gets to exercise and meditate and do what she loves too.)

Derek Ralston Says:

July 19th, 2008, 2:40 am

Great list- I especially think that being grateful is important for finding happiness. Right now I write down 5 things I’m grateful for at the end of each day in a log, and this has really helped me shift my awareness toward what I’m thankful for.

I think a big problem people have when they try to find happiness is they think they will be happy in the future after achieving a goal… The book Happier calls these people Rat Racers. They miss that you need to enjoy the day-to-day process of striving after your goals (which falls into #6 Do work you love).

Ahmed Khan Says:

July 19th, 2008, 5:05 am

Hmm. In the number 1, you say Do NOT think the future? hmm is that correct?

Pavel Says:

July 19th, 2008, 10:15 am

Hi Leo,
Great article (as usual :)! I just couldn’t resist from being a pedant: the quote in the beginning doesn’t belong to Leo Tolstoy, but to Kozma Prutkov, fictional author from 1850s. You can find more info in Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kozma_Prutkov and more inspring quotes here:
http://www.geocities.com/uniart/mix/kp.htm .

Doug Crossley Says:

July 19th, 2008, 14:02 pm

I are with most of this but #2 & #8 are very VERY hard for me lately. Primarily because I have come to accept this:
http://www.cracked.com/article_14990_what-monkeysphere.html

Rose Garden Says:

July 19th, 2008, 19:42 pm

Maybe I’m just the ultimate pessimist (I’d prefer to think of myself as a realist), but I can’t help wondering if it is a good thing that people out “there” think that all people are in a position to be happy if they just make the effort. As if they’re defective, malcontents or just lazy if they’re not happy all the time.

Those of us at this site are in a priviledged position in this world, and even some of us may have endured events that do not logically conclude in happiness. Many people suffer in this world. Please do not perpetuate the myth that periods of unhappiness or unhappy moments in life are inappropriate inappriopriate states of being.

What is light without darkness? Day without night?

garth Says:

July 20th, 2008, 0:16 am

Great list Leo. Happiness is not always easy to come by in today’s laundry list of things to do. Being happy requires the work of BEING and not doing.